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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 19:27

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

@DeadlyDead would you mind elaborating on this? In what way is she sensitive?

Bearbookagainandagain · 19/12/2025 19:25

If anything it's a bit humiliating for her... She probably didn't realise you were in the group too.
As long as the house isn't recognisable it wouldn't bother me much.

But if you do care, I would privately ask her to remove the post - without making too much of a fuss.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:24

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:21

I did. On Monday, after we parted ways (so before I left the house and she took the photos). Gave her a generous cash bonus, wine, biscuits, and a bottle of perfume (same as one I have because she’s always complimenting it- I just realised that’s not helping the Single White Female image!!)

For those saying her family and friends would surely notice. She’s British but we live in a different European country and she doesn’t have family here and never really talks about them visiting (her elderly parents are in England and she travels to them regularly). I’m not sure re: friends. She rarely mentions plans to meet friends over weekends etc. She’s a single mum to three young kids, works part time and then does cleaning on the side a few days a week. One of her children is disabled. I’m guessing she doesn’t have too much time for socialising.

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You do sound really kind. What are you planning to do now, if anything?

Original poster
DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Post picture from FB of my home that I didn’t want posted on FB? 🤔

OP posts:
Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 19:23

How very MN. Cleaner breaches trust and privacy and they’re telling the client to reward her with a bonus.

OPs still just a client and not a friend of the cleaner and the fact is she has been not only strange but unprofessional .

It’s too much for OP to be trying to play psychologist with her and uncover the reason for this. because let’s face it - this is very creepy behaviour.

It’s not your garden variety boring lie or something someone has said in the spur of the moment while under pressure to answer questions.

She really went home, had a think and thought this was a good idea to post this. 🚩

Onelifeonly · 19/12/2025 19:23

I couldn't trust someone who deceived people like that, and as has been said, she has your keys. I'd get a new cleaner.

Ohpleeeease · 19/12/2025 19:23

Resist the temptation to react on Facebook, you don’t want to find yourself getting involved in a spat with her family and friends.

I’d find this hard to overlook because of the privacy and security angle. On the other hand, any way you raise it is going to result in her being either very embarrassed or very resentful to the extent that she might feel unable to work for you.

How important is your privacy to you and how difficult would it be to replace her?

irie · 19/12/2025 19:22

thing is she has your keys and alarm code, i wouldn't mention it until you next see her and can take the key off her and change the code, otherwise god knows what she will do!!

Tosserneighbour · 19/12/2025 19:21

That's pretty messed up. Never would she step foot on my property again.

Original poster
DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:21

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:00

Agreed.
Show some Christmas kindness OP and let it go. Maybe give her a nice big bonus so she can treat herself.

Show quote history

I did. On Monday, after we parted ways (so before I left the house and she took the photos). Gave her a generous cash bonus, wine, biscuits, and a bottle of perfume (same as one I have because she’s always complimenting it- I just realised that’s not helping the Single White Female image!!)

For those saying her family and friends would surely notice. She’s British but we live in a different European country and she doesn’t have family here and never really talks about them visiting (her elderly parents are in England and she travels to them regularly). I’m not sure re: friends. She rarely mentions plans to meet friends over weekends etc. She’s a single mum to three young kids, works part time and then does cleaning on the side a few days a week. One of her children is disabled. I’m guessing she doesn’t have too much time for socialising.

OP posts:
Ithinkofawittyusernamethenforgetit · 19/12/2025 19:20

flutterby1 · 19/12/2025 17:38

It’s a back handed compliment but she has to go, for reasons I’ve not worked out yet!

Feels a bit creepy in a Channel 5 drama kind of way.

desiderata328 · 19/12/2025 19:19

Wow. She must be feeling really low to need to do something like this to feel good. It’s not right, but I think I would let it go. She’s sad, not bad.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:17

Moveoverdarlin · 19/12/2025 19:14

My god, what a mug!

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This is a woman that the OP has known and chatted with for years. In that situation, I would at least want to try to understand why she had done such an apparently crazy thing.

Blossoms217 · 19/12/2025 19:16

Seems a bit stalkerish to me

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 19:16

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:53

See, I think this is what’s stopping me going absolutely nuts at her. Without sounding like a complete knob, our situations really are very different. I do have a lovely house and get a lot of compliments on it. It’s large and probably quite “Instagrammable”. Plus my decor is quite cool. I could see why someone who not in the best position would want people to think they have something really lovely.

(I appreciate I do sound like a complete knob).

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I think you need to wake up Op. She’s acting quite unhinged and is very deceitful. If she lied about this to a potentially large audience and betrayed your privacy and trust, she’s not really trustworthy and yet she has your keys? I don’t care how good a cleaner she was I’d end the contract/arrangement.

Moveoverdarlin · 19/12/2025 19:14

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:00

Agreed.
Show some Christmas kindness OP and let it go. Maybe give her a nice big bonus so she can treat herself.

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My god, what a mug!

IDidBegin · 19/12/2025 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:14

Annielou67 · 19/12/2025 19:11

I don’t think that is likely- no. But - this is definitely not balanced behaviour. I do find it quite sinister - does she not know anyone on the group who would know it’s not her house? She has a key and access to probably everything that is most valuable to the op. I am speaking from the perspective of someone who had their identity stolen by a lodger. They photographed my paperwork and took out credit cards in my name. They were also on the point of moving out and were also able to put all their new utilities in my name. Then did a bunk - never found- leaving me owing £8000.

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Blimey, that is unhinged

Charlottespider · 19/12/2025 19:14

It’s pretty creepy tbh.

Annielou67 · 19/12/2025 19:11

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:02

Bit dramatic. She’s not likely to strip the house of all the furnishings when the OP is out shopping.

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I don’t think that is likely- no. But - this is definitely not balanced behaviour. I do find it quite sinister - does she not know anyone on the group who would know it’s not her house? She has a key and access to probably everything that is most valuable to the op. I am speaking from the perspective of someone who had their identity stolen by a lodger. They photographed my paperwork and took out credit cards in my name. They were also on the point of moving out and were also able to put all their new utilities in my name. Then did a bunk - never found- leaving me owing £8000.

SchoolDilemma17 · 19/12/2025 19:10

I want to see your house now! And be inspired!

but seriously I wouldn’t let someone in my house again who posts pictures of my house on socials and pretends it’s hers. That’s completely out of order and an abuse of trust.

BufferingAgain · 19/12/2025 19:09

The main thing that would bother me is that she’s a fantasist. If she has any of her own friends in that group, they’ll know it’s not her house and think wtf

justasking111 · 19/12/2025 19:07

zipadeedodah · 19/12/2025 17:32

I'd comment on it - something like - oh WOW that looks amazing

😂😂

Pricelessadvice · 19/12/2025 19:07

Please comment on the thread -
“ Gorgeous! You have fantastic taste!” and see what happens 😅

youwillneverknow · 19/12/2025 19:05

Do you have a public home instagram account and did she get photos from there? Or has she actually taken these photos in your house and posted them? Neither excuse her behaviour, but if you share photos online of your beautiful house it’s not so much of a security concern as the photos are out there, so to speak. However, her behaviour is weird and very unprofessional and I would be getting rid of her. Glad my cleaner is older and barely knows how to use a mobile phone!