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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
murasaki · 19/12/2025 22:32

Oh I definitely wouldn't do it publicly. That would be awful.

But she has to go. The relationship is one of trust. My cleaner is in my house when I'm not there, has keys, could access any of my stuff, paperwork, whatever, let my cats out etc. I trust her not to do those things, we get on well, I've been advising re her son's 6th form and university plans, know how her life is going as far as she tells me, we bitch about MiLs etc. I've known her for 8 years.

If she did this it would be over, no question.

Cancel.Monday, and tell her why privately.

RAPSMom · 19/12/2025 22:32

Could you report to FB… saying it’s not her home, it’s yours and get them to remove it. That way you don’t have to confront her… it could have been anyone that reported and got the post removed. Just a thought.

Ohpleeeease · 19/12/2025 22:32

You say the FB group is huge and well known in your country. That suggests you aren’t in the UK. The conventions in your country might be different, only you can answer that. You yourself feel off about what she’s done, I certainly wouldn’t want the inside of my home featured on a very well known FB page with a huge membership. If I lived somewhere needing the level of security you describe yourself as having that would make me extra concerned.

Teanbiscuits33 · 19/12/2025 22:31

Surely her friends and family on her social media will know that’s not her house? Unless it’s so bad nobody goes there to see, but even then they may cotton on that her house isn’t as big as it appears in the photos.

It would annoy me but for someone to do something like this, they clearly aren’t very happy in life. I would gently bring it up next time you see her. I wonder if she embellishes her life in other ways?

MooFroo · 19/12/2025 22:30

Speak to her and get rid- total breach of trust and shows she is dishonest!

I used a local painter last year to paint some doors, and then saw he’d posted up photos of the wallpaper in our rooms as examples of his work!! I commented on the post and told him to take them down - CF!!

Calliopespa · 19/12/2025 22:28

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 22:25

Whatever OP decides to do, there is no reason to publically humiliate her in the FB group. That’s just spiteful and could severely impact the cleaners life socially and financially

Totally agree.

Calliopespa · 19/12/2025 22:28

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:36

She can be a bit snitty. I have high shine cream porcelain tiles in my hallway. They’re a bugger to clean. Any drop of water leaves a mark. I asked her before to go back over them with once she’s mopped to dry them (using a fluffy long handled buffer thingy I have- don’t know what they’re called but they’re like a mop with a microfiber attachment at the end) and she was clearly unimpressed. Told me she’s cleaned hundreds of floors and the problem is my tiles, and not how she cleans them and she’s never had anyone complain before. I told her it absolutely is the tiles and they need to be dried because the water marks dry in, regardless of who cleans them.

Another time, I asked her to please put her coffee cup into the dishwasher when she was finished (if I’m not home I’ve told her to help herself to the coffee machine- I genuinely don’t mind). It was just annoying to come home after paying for a clean and finding an upturned cup on the side of the sink. I accept that’s a little irritant but I said it nicely, and her response was to tell me it was fine and she’d bring her own coffee in a travel cup instead. I told her that wasn’t what I meant but if she preferred to bring her own coffee that was fine, then she backed down and now the cups go in the dishwasher.

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In fairness, if it is your tiles that are the issue (and it sounds like it is) I don't think her pointing that out is overly snitty. She was just trying to defend her work and say the way I do it is normally good enough and this is an unusual situation. It doesn't sound as though she refused to adjust her approach?

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 22:25

Whatever OP decides to do, there is no reason to publically humiliate her in the FB group. That’s just spiteful and could severely impact the cleaners life socially and financially

KeepPumping · 19/12/2025 22:23

MrsDoomesPattersen · 19/12/2025 17:34

Have you seen the film single
white female?

Yep, BF is unrecognisable now, saw her in a late 80"s film the other night, "Scandal", she is almost unrecognisable in that she looks so young.

Wallywobbles · 19/12/2025 22:23

murasaki · 19/12/2025 17:34

That's a sackable offence in my book.

Yup for us too.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 22:22

Zov · 19/12/2025 22:04

It is screaming Single White Female. Or some kind of psychological thriller on channel 5, where a poor, average-looking, working-class, badly-educated young woman, who has little or no family or friends, and no husband or children, tries to steal the life of another woman she knows - who has everything she wants. Money, social standing, class, wealth, good looks, a handsome wealthy husband, a loving family, a big fancy house, a career she loves, and beautiful, clever children.

Careful @DeadlyDead she will be going for your man next! (That is always part of the storyline in these films!) 😬

.

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Hide your stiletto OP

Devonshiregal · 19/12/2025 22:22

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 20:23

Ridiculous overreaction

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You must have managed to avoid stalkers. If you hadn’t you might be more risk averse

workdilemma123abc · 19/12/2025 22:21

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 21:50

I’m not a mum of three but she is so I think she’s suggesting that it’s her home and her decorations. Plus she responded to people telling them where she bought items.

The photos are mainly of decorations and the rooms aren’t overly visible, but you’d know them if you knew my house, IYKWIM? So there’s a picture of my sitting room Christmas tree and mantle garland- you can’t see much of the room or to the view out of the window, but the floor, fireplace, mirror, tree, and garland are visible. In the hall, she’s taken a picture of my hallway from the top floor (it’s a three story house so you can look right down from the top floor). I have an installation of decorations (giant gold, red, and green glass baubles) that hang at various heights so some reach down to the ground floor, some “float” over the stairs as you walk, some are visible on the first floor, and then the rest are in the void space at roof level, suspended from the roof lantern. You’d need to know it’s my house to know but if you’d ever been in my house at Christmas, you’d like remember it.

Just to answer a few questions. It is a huge Facebook group, and quite well known in my country. Really took off over Covid. I don’t think she knows I’m in the group. I’m not a big FB user and we’ve never interacted on there. Plus, my FB name isn’t entirely obvious to those who only know my married name. I double barrel on FB and have my first name shortened. So say she knows me as Elizabeth Jones, my name on FB is Liz Turner-Jones so I don’t think she’d instantly be able to find me.

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This sounds like a group with ‘Freely’ in the name! I’m not sure it’s that but it’s where I’m from too and makes sense that she’s British…

Curious as my family are all on the same group and it’s mental - so many people :D

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/12/2025 22:21

Def get a friend to comment / if it’s a big local group like mine is / peoples. would know you surely

MinecraftMum40 · 19/12/2025 22:21

It’s a bit Single white female imo. 😬

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 22:21

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:36

She can be a bit snitty. I have high shine cream porcelain tiles in my hallway. They’re a bugger to clean. Any drop of water leaves a mark. I asked her before to go back over them with once she’s mopped to dry them (using a fluffy long handled buffer thingy I have- don’t know what they’re called but they’re like a mop with a microfiber attachment at the end) and she was clearly unimpressed. Told me she’s cleaned hundreds of floors and the problem is my tiles, and not how she cleans them and she’s never had anyone complain before. I told her it absolutely is the tiles and they need to be dried because the water marks dry in, regardless of who cleans them.

Another time, I asked her to please put her coffee cup into the dishwasher when she was finished (if I’m not home I’ve told her to help herself to the coffee machine- I genuinely don’t mind). It was just annoying to come home after paying for a clean and finding an upturned cup on the side of the sink. I accept that’s a little irritant but I said it nicely, and her response was to tell me it was fine and she’d bring her own coffee in a travel cup instead. I told her that wasn’t what I meant but if she preferred to bring her own coffee that was fine, then she backed down and now the cups go in the dishwasher.

Show quote history

Oh dear, I think it’s quite clear she has mixed feelings towards you. She probably does like you on some level and enjoys chatting to you but she’s also a bit resentful of you too. It’s kind of like the way some toxic friends are conflicted about people they both like and envy. People like that can be quite dangerous and do you harm. Not always, but it’s not worth keeping them around to find out. Definitely one to steer clear of.

Reading your other updates I’m glad you can a security camera so she can’t just use her key without you knowing and you’ve asked her not to come for the next cleaning appointment.

Calliopespa · 19/12/2025 22:20

user1476613140 · 19/12/2025 22:18

Definitely don't do this on SM. You're just attracting attention to your property and giving criminals a chance to target your home.

Speak privately to the cleaner if need be, but don't broadcast it is your home to all and sundry🤦‍♀️

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I agree: there is nothing to be gained from angering her more than is necessary.

She can't really blame op for dismissing her, but if op gets nasty, she'll incur the wrath of a woman with unusual boundaries.

workdilemma123abc · 19/12/2025 22:19

edited*

Calliopespa · 19/12/2025 22:18

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:58

Love this option

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I wouldn't make her more uncomfortable than is necessary. We all know what happened, why make her squirm? Just be clean and simple and don't turn it into a battle of game playing op - because she's clearly up for a bit of a game and I'm not sure it's a good idea to be playing it.

user1476613140 · 19/12/2025 22:18

KeepAwayFromChildren · 19/12/2025 22:03

This.

I would sack her because she is a liar and cannot be trusted.

When you get your next cleaner, explain why you sacked this one and set out clear boundaries.

I would be bloody furious.

Show quote history

Definitely don't do this on SM. You're just attracting attention to your property and giving criminals a chance to target your home.

Speak privately to the cleaner if need be, but don't broadcast it is your home to all and sundry🤦‍♀️

Travelfairy · 19/12/2025 22:15

I would get my locks changed too. This behaviour is very concerning....

Humbugsweets · 19/12/2025 22:15

It's a breach of trust and a bit creepy.

I would wonder about how good her boundaries and what else she was doing in my house.

I'd let her come next week and ask for the keys. Then I'd say that you've had a chat as a family and you guys have realised you've got to tighten your belts unfortunately.

Give her two weeks pay and tell her that she doesn't need to come back.

Change the alarm code and actually, I'd consider changing the locks. It's fucking weird!

PorridgeEater · 19/12/2025 22:14

This is basic dishonesty - if I were in your position I would let her go. You can do it kindly as an acknowledgement that you got on well - but she does not seem trustworthy. It seems better to find someone else.

Moonlightdust · 19/12/2025 22:14

Have you typed her name into the group search bar? Be interesting to see her previous posts…

Orwellwasright2020 · 19/12/2025 22:13

Single white female vibes. Don't discuss, at all. Anyone capable of such a bizarre breach of privacy and social etiquette will NOT be up for a chat about it. Just being able to do this means she is beyond discussion.

Just wait till the New Year (since sacking someone at Christmas is a shit thing to do) and get rid, do it without drama, any way you can.

Contact the police and make a report so there is a paper trail for when/if she tries anything weird.

And change your locks.

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