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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:54

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 19/12/2025 23:51

This ^ I'm afraid.

Although, I think I would say to her - face to face - when she comes next time, that you saw her Facebook post, and then have your screenshot ready to show her if she tries to deny it. Then depending on what she replies - and she would have to have a very good reason for being so deceitful - I might agree to give her one last chance.

Hpwever, I would have to tell her how disappointed I was in her behaviour. If you usually give her a Christmas bonus, you would need to think very hard about whether you felt she still deserved it, or really needs it, if for example she has young children, and they would suffer if she didn't get the bonus.

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She’s a single mum with three kids and has already been given her Xmas gifts by the OP

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:53

JMSA · 19/12/2025 23:49

B&M had them when I was in the other day.

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Surely you mean Liberty, OP wouldn’t put tat in her gorgeous mansion

IsThisTheWaytoSlamMyPillow · 19/12/2025 23:52

I wonder if she’s running her Only Fans from your bedroom (in your underwear)….

Sorry, not very helpful. This is beyond weird and I wouldn’t be happy about it.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 19/12/2025 23:51

Poodleville · 19/12/2025 17:36

She's fundamentally dishonest so I wouldn't want her having keys to my home!

This ^ I'm afraid.

Although, I think I would say to her - face to face - when she comes next time, that you saw her Facebook post, and then have your screenshot ready to show her if she tries to deny it. Then depending on what she replies - and she would have to have a very good reason for being so deceitful - I might agree to give her one last chance.

Hpwever, I would have to tell her how disappointed I was in her behaviour. If you usually give her a Christmas bonus, you would need to think very hard about whether you felt she still deserved it, or really needs it, if for example she has young children, and they would suffer if she didn't get the bonus.

CyanMember · 19/12/2025 23:51

blenny23 · 19/12/2025 23:47

This is completely unhinged. It’s a huge breach of privacy even if it appears innocent and there’s nothing identifying etc, and it shows you can’t trust her! How dare she!

I genuinely would do a quick video walkthrough of my living room whilst saying “I’m flattered you like my Christmas decor so much but I’m not sure why you’re attempting to pass it off as your own when you were only here to clean my house, not pretend it’s your own efforts and then post about it in a group you know I’m in.” And I’d follow it up with a text to her asking that she deletes the post showing the interior of YOUR house and say that you’ll no longer be requiring her services as you cannot trust her in your home any longer.

Show quote history

100% what else does she have pictures of? Definitely get admin of the group to delete the photo's. .

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:50

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/12/2025 23:47

@DeadlyDead where did you buy your giant baubles from please? My DH really wants some and I've not been able to find any!

Crazy stalker. Are you trying to take over the OPs identity?

Lovebedtime · 19/12/2025 23:50

Can’t she see that you commented on the candle?
She’s probably cringing!

I once saw the house we were renting out on TV, our tenants had a whole film crew in there. My old neighbour called me and said check out channel x,y,z your house is on there. I was delighted that the tenants thought it was nice enough to show off!

JMSA · 19/12/2025 23:49

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/12/2025 23:47

@DeadlyDead where did you buy your giant baubles from please? My DH really wants some and I've not been able to find any!

B&M had them when I was in the other day.

EtpuisEcoute · 19/12/2025 23:49

Shocking behaviour- don't think things could ever be the same now. You'd be chatting to her thinking she is dishonest/strange/crazy

JMSA · 19/12/2025 23:49

She’s a weirdo!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/12/2025 23:47

@DeadlyDead where did you buy your giant baubles from please? My DH really wants some and I've not been able to find any!

CyanMember · 19/12/2025 23:47

As a retired cleaner I'd expect and deserve to be sacked if I'd done that. She definitely would not have keys to my house.

Plenty of cleaners about.
😡

blenny23 · 19/12/2025 23:47

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

This is completely unhinged. It’s a huge breach of privacy even if it appears innocent and there’s nothing identifying etc, and it shows you can’t trust her! How dare she!

I genuinely would do a quick video walkthrough of my living room whilst saying “I’m flattered you like my Christmas decor so much but I’m not sure why you’re attempting to pass it off as your own when you were only here to clean my house, not pretend it’s your own efforts and then post about it in a group you know I’m in.” And I’d follow it up with a text to her asking that she deletes the post showing the interior of YOUR house and say that you’ll no longer be requiring her services as you cannot trust her in your home any longer.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 19/12/2025 23:41

Sack her

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:40

BrickBiscuit · 19/12/2025 23:38

Not sure if already suggested, but report the posts to group admins with an explanation and insist they remove them. Also report to Facebook (though don't expect them to care). Report to police on their non-emergency system. As others have said, check Instagram, Pinterest and similar sites. Change locks, alarm codes etc. Then sack the cleaner.

I trust you are joking otherwise you are more batshit crazy than the cleaner

MajesticWhine · 19/12/2025 23:39

The problem is, if you let this go, what next?
Facebook posts of your bedroom / bathroom? Trying on your clothes / perfume. She could invite friends over to your place when you’re on holiday.

BrickBiscuit · 19/12/2025 23:38

Not sure if already suggested, but report the posts to group admins with an explanation and insist they remove them. Also report to Facebook (though don't expect them to care). Report to police on their non-emergency system. As others have said, check Instagram, Pinterest and similar sites. Change locks, alarm codes etc. Then sack the cleaner.

christmasholidays · 19/12/2025 23:36

I know you feel bad for her situation and so would I op, but I'd ask her to take the post down privately and then sack her. I absolutely would never trust her again and for me the breach of privacy is just something I couldn't and wouldn't overlook.

Isittimeformynapyet · 19/12/2025 23:36

Wellretired · 19/12/2025 20:01

If ask her. "I saw this post (showing phone) isnt this my house? What happened? " and take it from there depending on the response. She's your employee and a good boss picks things up quickly so they dont grow into a big problem but get resolved instead.

So you said..... at 19:39.

Tammygirl12 · 19/12/2025 23:35

That’s unhinged. Her fantasy is to be you. I wonder if she tries your clothes on when you’re not around

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 23:34

She massively over-reacted about the coffee cup, and I bet there's been a few such oddities if you were to think back. If you'll pardon the buzzword, she seems to be enmeshed with you - having a very weak boundary between her self and yours.

Spot on @GarlicRound

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:32

I’ve just realised this thread is just a massive humble brag by the OP - it’s terrible how my cleaner is so jealous of my gorgeous property that she is passing it off on FB as her own. 🤣🤣

GarlicRound · 19/12/2025 23:29

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 20:12

And, for the record, she also got me a Christmas present. She always does.

I’m not trying to paint myself as some philanthropic saint here. We have a good relationship, we’re nice to each other.

She isn't nice to you. She massively over-reacted about the coffee cup, and I bet there's been a few such oddities if you were to think back. If you'll pardon the buzzword, she seems to be enmeshed with you - having a very weak boundary between her self and yours. With the decorations post, this seems to be getting worse. She may actually feel your house/life is hers.

Sounds bonkers, but enough people have this syndrome for several books and films to have been made about it. I had a flatmate who got insanely angry when I told her I was moving on. Next time I saw her she had my haircut, my style of clothes, had changed the way she talked to sound more like me, and had Wendied half my friends away from me.

BlueIris111 · 19/12/2025 23:28

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:13

No one knows it is the OPs house so where is the real damage?

Missing the point of the thread but I’d be quite proud if someone pretended my decor was their own. It’s highly unlikely as it’s a filthy shithole

Edited
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You do realise some people are so unwell that they can fantasise being someone else. This probably isn’t that scenario but how are you supposed to know ? Rachael barber was killed by her childhood baby sitter when she was in her teens and no longer needed caring for, she was a family friend as well. Yeah these situations are rare but they do happen and honestly there’s a lot of red flags there and you can’t always trust things people tell you even if you talk to them. If she was really trust worthy surely she would have asked op if she could have a picture at the very minimum. I’m not saying slander her name online but certainly take a step back. I’m sorry if the cleaner is going through a hard time , clearly she needs support and Op can always send her links to such support when she gets her keys back and lets her go as her cleaner . It’s not the ops responsibility to deal with her cleaners mental health.

roastedrapidly · 19/12/2025 23:24

I'm sorry but she is dishonest, I would not trust her alone in my home again . What a breach of trust.

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