Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
KrimboBell · 20/12/2025 08:56

I’m thinking she can’t have many friends irl as they would all know she was lying about this being her house?
she is probably some kind of Walter Mitty character but her untruthfulness doesn’t necessarily equate to dishonesty so I would probably tolerate this. I would however, speak to her and tell her what she has done must not happen again and I would also put a lock on my bedroom door or rooms that contain personal items as I would not trust her to not go rummaging around

Icantsaythis · 20/12/2025 08:55

Before you do anything I would screenshot all the FB posts and all the comments. I would ask for the key back if she refuses or can’t change the locks. I would then send her the screenshots and ask her to explain herself eg I came across picture of my house see here - can you explain both why you have invaded my privacy and security by posting pictures of my house and items without consent AND why you are trying to pass the images off as yours and your house when it is mine?

SchoolDilemma17 · 20/12/2025 08:54

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 08:40

Really?

We’re talking about an immigrant single mother to three children, one with a disability.

Is that really how you’d treat her?

Show quote history

Stop being a doormat. If she had any respect for you, she wouldn’t take photos of your home and post them online. You have trusted her and she has abused your trust. Who knows what else she has done.

BadgernTheGarden · 20/12/2025 08:51

Just post, 'That looks remarkably like my friend's house, in every detail? Must be you friend, I'll see you Sunday and you can see what you think of mine😃'

You could follow up a few days later with she said she didn't post anything, very odd.

Blueblell · 20/12/2025 08:51

Hmm that is strange as surely her own friends and family will see it and know it’s not her house. If you want her to carry on cleaning for you I would ignore and take it as a compliment.

Mydadsbirthday · 20/12/2025 08:48

I can't believe people are minimising this.

Also the OP's update about her snotty behaviour wouldn't work for me.

You need to get rid OP, you don't need to even tell her why. Just get the FB post deleted by the admin and move on. You don't owe her anything, she's quite severely crossed a line here and you are justified in letting her go.

ThisAutumnTown · 20/12/2025 08:45

I personally wouldn’t be able to trust her again.
Christmas or not, I’d be letting her go.

Bagsintheboot · 20/12/2025 08:43

I would be quite uncomfortable with having photos of my homes interior taken and posted on social media without my knowledge or agreement.

I would not be having her back. I'm sure she didn't mean anything malicious by it but it's unprofessional and suggests she lacks boundaries.

Original poster
DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 08:40

DreamTheMoors · 20/12/2025 04:38

YOU’RE worried about HER getting upset over this @DeadlyDead??
If you can email yourself the entire the entire Facebook thread do so immediately.
If not, take a few major screenshots. You know the ones to take - the tired mommy one & the ones of all your rooms. Take some of the different compliments and her replies, too.
Then call her on the pretext of needing a quick hour “spruce-up” in the next immediate few days.
When she arrives, have that coffee - and those screenshots - ready. No - have her whole Facebook page ready.
She can either immediately take the post down without any embarrassment or you’ll be commenting on the thread.
And your comments will not be complimentary.
And she can eat that hour. Don’t pay her. That can be her punishment, although I doubt it’ll be much.
The CHEEK.
If she balks at not getting paid for that hour, ask her what the compensation should be for stealing your hard work.
In fact, ask her that anyhow.
I’m so angry for you.

Show quote history

Really?

We’re talking about an immigrant single mother to three children, one with a disability.

Is that really how you’d treat her?

OP posts:
bluepumpkin · 20/12/2025 08:40

Just to add, I’d ask the admin of the fb group to remove it first as she could just block you from the post and leave it up.

saraclara · 20/12/2025 08:38

starsintheirears · 20/12/2025 08:21

She's exposed OP's house to the public and OP didnt give consent
She has breached GDPR which is illegal
She has put OP at risk of being burgled (you can ascertain an address from photos)
She has acted in a completely unprofessional manner so what else has she done/is she doing if she doesnt care?
She has broken trust which is important if you give someone a key to your home

Show quote history

GDPR? 😅

No, she hasn't broken GDPR, which is about data held about you.

And you can't ascertain location from a photo like this one, on Facebook. Facebook strips any location data from a photo when you use the app

IsItSnowing · 20/12/2025 08:35

I'd be a bit pissed off too. It's also quite funny that she posted them in a group you're also a member of. Did she not think you would recognise your own house?

Although it doesn't surprise me. I know a few people who do weird 'not quite true' posts on FB and IG. Things like standing outside the first class lounge at Heathrow and posting 'x is at the 1st class lounge'. Not quite sure what they get out of it.

getsomehelp · 20/12/2025 08:31

You could reply on the site. “This is not your house” or “Dear readers, X has posted this without my knowledge or permission”

SunnySideDeepDown · 20/12/2025 08:25

starsintheirears · 20/12/2025 08:21

She's exposed OP's house to the public and OP didnt give consent
She has breached GDPR which is illegal
She has put OP at risk of being burgled (you can ascertain an address from photos)
She has acted in a completely unprofessional manner so what else has she done/is she doing if she doesnt care?
She has broken trust which is important if you give someone a key to your home

Show quote history

Op said it would be unrecognisable as her home. So again, what harm is caused?

SunnySideDeepDown · 20/12/2025 08:24

What harm has she actually done OP? Most of social media is a lie, her post is no different.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 20/12/2025 08:24

As soon as I'd realised someone else had posted pictures of my home without my knowledge/permission, I'd have contacted the admin to ask the post was removed. Did you do that @DeadlyDead or is it still there? Is the fact your decorations are getting thousands of likes enough for you to get past the sneaky way they've been shown off?

She wouldn't be welcome in my home again. And if have my keys back/change key safe code. It's all very well saying you can see via your phone who is coming and going but not much you can do about it from afar. Presumably she knows you're going away?

starsintheirears · 20/12/2025 08:21

SunnySideDeepDown · 20/12/2025 08:16

What harm has she actually done OP? Most of social media is a lie, her post is no different.

She's exposed OP's house to the public and OP didnt give consent
She has breached GDPR which is illegal
She has put OP at risk of being burgled (you can ascertain an address from photos)
She has acted in a completely unprofessional manner so what else has she done/is she doing if she doesnt care?
She has broken trust which is important if you give someone a key to your home

NavigatingMyLife · 20/12/2025 08:19

Some people like to live in a fantasy world to get attention. That’s all that has happened here.

LadyLolaRuben · 20/12/2025 08:16

Its a breach of confidentiality. If my cleaner did that it would be instant dismissal

SunnySideDeepDown · 20/12/2025 08:16

What harm has she actually done OP? Most of social media is a lie, her post is no different.

SunnySideDeepDown · 20/12/2025 08:16

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:48

Can I ask why?

Show quote history

Because you’re uptight. A cup on the otherwise clean and tidy side pisses you off?

With all due respect, you need to get a life. I’m guessing you don’t work, has your life become too small? I don’t know anyone who would be upset over a singular mug.

bouncydog · 20/12/2025 08:15

I would message her today, say I’ve seen her post on Facebook containing photos of your house and would she take it down. I’d also say that I don’t put any personal information on Facebook so please don’t do it again. That should cover it off and you can keep her on. For info, when I’ve had anyone in doing work on our home - cleaning, decorating, installing new bathrooms etc. I always tell them that they must not take any photos without permission as I’m aware that some cleaning company staff have done the same as your cleaner to showcase their work which is not acceptable without permission. Too late when somebody identifies something in your home they would like to break in and steal!

thepariscrimefiles · 20/12/2025 08:02

Sartre · 20/12/2025 07:16

I feel sorry for her a bit too. She’s clearly lonely, in a country away from her family (guessing she moved to be with the father of her kids then they split and she feels trapped by her DC’s schooling and such?). Single mum of three doing low skilled work. I imagine you pay fairly and the bonus was lovely so not disparaging you at all.

I don’t know anything about her living situation but as a single mum and cleaner, I’d imagine her house is nothing like yours. She likely just admired it greatly and wanted some attention on SM. You obviously need to have a word, screenshot the post and ask her to remove it. It isn’t professional and she has breeched your privacy. Not sure I’d let her go for this but that’s up to you. Good luck.

This is what I don't understand. Why would somebody want attention for something that isn't real? What does she get out of it? If there are lots of ooohs and ahhhs and 'that's amazing', comments, the admiration is for OP's house and decorations, not the cleaner's.

It's the equivalent of using a picture of a beautiful woman who isn't actually you on an online dating site. The fantasy can only last as long as the person is online. As soon as they meet in real life, the illusion is broken.

@DeadlyDead If you are travelling with family for Christmas and if she has a key to your house, do you think that she might invite people round while you are away and continue the fantasy that this is her home?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/12/2025 07:54

Just to add, you sound very nice and calm and measured about it.

ThatJadeLion · 20/12/2025 07:53

Get rid of her using the best excuse. Don't tell her the reason why.

Swipe left for the next trending thread