Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

What’s your address? Come on, show some ‘Christmas kindness’ and let me come round and take photos of your home and pass it off as my own on the internet for likes! I’d like a big bonus for invading your privacy too please!

“you don’t need a cleaner”

This thread isn’t about that.

Some people choose to have a cleaner others don’t, some can afford it some can’t. What you choose to do in your home is completely irrelevant.

People have different circumstances and situations. Some have larger or harder to clean homes, others have less time because they work longer hours, some people have mobility problems and others may just feel they are not able to clean as well for various reasons (effort, energy, motivation, mental health etc)

But irrespective of the reason, it really isn’t relevant to this thread as OP isn’t asking if she is BU to have a cleaner or not.

I agree about consequences, but I suppose I was looking at it the other way: don't wind up a person who clearly has slightly desperate feelings and a lack of good judgment or it might be said it's your fault for doing something that asked for un-needed trouble. Who knows where her intense personality might lead her if provoked.

I'd just deal with her straight because shaming her publicly isn't really achieving anything tangible other than making her feel worse. That sort of revenge can feel cathartic for ten minutes, but doesn't actually achieve anything beyond that.

For her own good she needs I know her behaviour is unacceptable or she will continue to do it. The next person might not be as kind as op and just sack her.. Especially if she ups her game.

Well said.

Also just to say I think your proposed resolution of this is sound, she obviously can’t continue being your cleaner - but the only thing I’d add is to ask Facebook to remove it. Or better still ask the cleaner to request that they remove the post immediately before/after telling her that her services will not longer be required.

And once you’ve done that you don’t even need to spell out why you’re sacking her (although you can if you want) because it should become obvious that you’re deeply uncomfortable with her misleading / deceptive Facebook post.

Although I would probably spell it out and say exactly why - but that’s just personal preference.

This would be a huge violation of trust for me. Taking pictures of your home and sharing them on social media is an awful thing to do.

I wouldn't humiliate her with passive aggressive comments online. I would simply send her a note to ask she take the pictures down. Then I would let her know that I was terminating the cleaning job and why.

I am a bit flabbergasted that so many people think this is ok.

That’s laughable. I really don’t see your
posts have been supporting OP. You have showed little empathy for her and you’ve made at least one or two snarky comments about ner as well. As well as sniping at the many commenters who have actually tried to consider Op and show consideration for her how she feels.

You may think you’re being kind by adopting this permissive stance to all
the cleaners wrongs and asking OP to be even nicer to her, despite how poorly she has been treated by the cleaner but you’re not.

I think you can both empathise with the cleaner AND recognise that it’s completely inappropriate behaviour.

Exactly there have been a few posters in particular who have filled this thread with posts saying the most absurd things to minimise this and excuse her. They are either like this themselves or they think they look good by saying they would let it go.

Agree with this. They're not your friends. Keep some distance.

My DH did this with a builder, lent him money etc. never got it back. The builder got banned from driving for drink driving and was still driving around town. He had loads of problems but he was not one of ours.

I agree. I saw tradesmen treat my single mother immigrant mum very poorly growing up and she would never learn. Kept trying to be all matey with them. One even stole jewellery of sentimental value from my bedroom when I was away in Uni. I was fuming and still resent her/them for that.

As a result I keep a close eye on people doing services in my house and keep a professional distance. As I’m renting in a new build I haven’t needed to find plumbers etc but for jobs like hanging curtains and assembling furniture I’ve got one specific guy I’ve used for 2 years. We do chat now that I know him and he does do the job but I’m more reserved with the cleaners I have used over the years as some have taken the piss a bit or tried to.

There is this weird infantilising of cleaners on MN and it’s actually very patronising.
My college friend who later went on to be a cleaning professional earned very good money - enough to buy her first apartment after running her very popular business for a few years. She was also from a well to do middle class family. People on here act like we should all feel sorry for them or something and it’s weird and annoying.

None of that is an excuse

You don't have to sack her (yet) but you do have to put a stop to all this

I think I’d want the keys back before you go away.
Before your update, I was going to say that I would comment on the post and say, ‘That looks so much like my house, how bizarre ……’
It’s a very odd thing to do and a total breach of trust.

I feel quite strongly that whilst her behaviour would unnerve me in your shoes, OP - I would feel very uncomfortable - her intention is probably from a psychologically complex place, rather than from a great criminal mind!

She's a single mother to three, an immigrant, a child with special needs. Her life sounds really hard. Maybe it was a moment of fantasy for her, taking on the beauty of your life as if it was her own. Maybe she just needed that escapism. To feel envied, to feel part of something gorgeous and not connected to the drudgery of her life. Maybe for a moment she wanted to be someone else.

I'm not condoning it, but I think compassion is hugely underrated and there are lots of people struggling.

Even if the cleaner is envious, isn’t as well off etc, that doesn’t justify what she has done.

I sometimes think I’m in a parallel universe on Mumsnet. OP’s cleaner is paid to carry out a service in her home, and that will include a level of trust and expectation of confidentiality from OP to the cleaner as a service provider.
While being paid to provide a service to OP the cleaner has taken time to snap photographs of OPs home and then post them on public social media pages for random strangers, and claimed the home is her own. Its not only a breach of OPs trust, the cleaner is also deceptive to others in claiming its her home.
In response lots of posters suggest OP should be giving the cleaner presents and a bonus for this behaviour??
substitute cleaner with plumber, roofer, dog walker etc and ask if you would have the same response? OP is not responsible for the cleaner’s emotional wellbeing and while it is of course possible she is struggling as a busy mum, this really isnt acceptable conduct. I would not want this lady in my house again

So you've gone from this:

"As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now."

To this:

"I’ve texted her this morning to say that plans for next week have changed and I don’t need her Monday. I’ve also changed the alarm and gate codes, and will put the security system on on the off-chance she does decide to call on Monday. I can’t imagine she would at all, but at least I’m covered. I’ll get the keys back after Christmas and tell her I no longer need her. Still haven’t decided if I tell her why, or just let it go."

Why can't hardly anyone on MN actually speak to the person they have a problem with, like an adult?

Clearly I'm in a very small minority but I don't think I'd be overly upset by this. Unless the pictures showed Faberge eggs and bundles of cash lying about I think all the stuff re it being a security risk is well overdone. I would have a word to let her know she's been rumbled and tell her to not do it again but that's about it. It can't come as a staggering surprise that people who clean nice houses may be quite envious of the lives of their owners. It's a daft thing to do but that's about as excited as I can get about it.

We've had more than one thread about cleaners pushing (or even trampling) boundaries before. It really does seem like it's people who treat their cleaners (or other people doing jobs at their homes) like 'friends' who get shat on.

I've had to tell my partner more than once to stop making big pals with tradespeople we've employed to do jobs, because it's often ended badly (job not done well enough, job being left half-done for weeks, etc).

I recomment treating 'employees' more professionally.

The cleaner could get an extra set of keys cut before returning hers to OP. It makes more sense for OP to change the locks, even though it will be more expensive.

It would not bother me in the slightest. Wbat is your concern assuming your address or identity can not be gleaned from the picture?

Re the keys, could you say you’ve lost yours and as you’re going away that you need her set urgently today?

I would also feel conflicted about this. On the one hand it is so dishonest, the pretence is worrying, and it suggests all sorts of deeper feelings - jealousy, rivalry, insecurity. On the other hand she is clearly unhappy with her own life, genuinely struggling and wanting some sort of ‘positive’ attention, even if based on a total lie, which is really sad.
The one thing I think is unreasonable is the cup- she washed her own cup and left it on the draining board, although in her place I would have dried it and put it back, it seems more considerate than plonking it in the dishwasher, so I do understand her feeling a bit hurt to be picked up on such a small thing.
The tiles however, it is reasonable for you to ask her to polish them to avoid marks, you are paying to get them how you want them, she obviously just finds them annoying. You sound a fair and thoughtful person.
I don’t think you could ever relax again about having her in your private space. Even if you had a heart to heart and she opened up about her feelings and reasons, there would always be an issue with the power dynamics between you. When someone is working in your home you need mutual respect and consideration. I’m guessing that she doesn’t feel respected in her life generally, hence the posts, but nor does she respect you, or she wouldn’t be posting the images. So I feel that you do have to let her go. It’s different from an office situation as our homes contain all our private information and personal lives.
I would definitely look back through her posts to see if this has happened before.

Just comment on her post: 'Did you think I wouldn't see this?'

You'll never hear from her again.