Page 12 | Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

DeadlyDead · 2025-12-19T17:29:48+00:00

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat. She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it. She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area. Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!) When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy. As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now. In my shoes, would you be annoyed? AIBU to be annoyed?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 20/12/2025 14:09

Sorry haven't rtft but this is really not ok. It reflects very poorly on her character. I'd be tempted to post a pic of yourself in rubber gloves showing off her cleaning work saying 'not bad cleaning for a busy woman' or something to that effect. Let her see the picture and I'll bet the other post will come down

Original poster

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 14:03

Fiftyandme · 20/12/2025 13:57

OP - you really need to consider the possibility she has a copy of the keys

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I have.

That’s why I don’t want to rock the boat until after Christmas when I can just get the locks changed without much hassle.

OP posts:

Judgejudysno1fan · 20/12/2025 14:02

Moveoverdarlin · 19/12/2025 17:56

Oh my god, this is awful! I see this as a major red flag. Not just as a cleaner, but as a human being. That’s unhinged behaviour. I have a friend who looked up her cleaner on Facebook and in her profile picture she was wearing a top that belonged to my friend that she had stolen from her home. It was a distinctive top that my friend had bought years before. She thought some cash was going walk about too. Turns out it was, she had stolen loads over the years.

If your cleaner can tell a whopper of a lie like this on social media where thousands of people will see it I think she would think nothing of stealing things.

If it were me I would message her:

‘Please can you take down the picture of my home that you have uploaded to ‘What’s going on in Timbuktu’. It’s had several hundred comments and thousands of views. I have had many friends and family who have recognised MY home and are very confused.

This is a huge invasion of my trust and privacy and please take this is termination of our relationship. I no longer require your cleaning services, so please don’t come as planned on January 5th.

I wish you well, but what a sad way to end things - I won’t take this further but I suggest you don’t upload your client’s homes on the internet in the future.

Yeah that's a good response. Especially adding in about friends and family seeing it.

Original poster

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 14:01

Mydadsbirthday · 20/12/2025 13:54

Some of the responses on this thread are bonkers.

"Why do you need a cleaner"?!

"Don't say anything and give her a nice bonus"

Absolutely batshit

My favourite this about the “you don’t need a cleaner” thing (apart from the fact that I never said I “need” a cleaner, nor does the poster know what I “need”), is the fact that it came from a man. Would love to know the view of his wife, a mother of four, on whether a cleaner would have been of benefit to her.

OP posts:

Fiftyandme · 20/12/2025 13:57

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 09:14

The trust is gone so I don’t want her in my home anymore. I woke up this morning and immediately thought about checking the CCTV to see if I could spot any weird behaviour. I didn’t because that’s an insane thought, but the fact that it’s my instinct on waking makes me realise none of this sits well with me.

The complication here is she has my keys and was due to call on Monday bit I’ll be away, and not back until the following week so I don’t want to terminate her services until I can get my keys back.

I’ve texted her this morning to say that plans for next week have changed and I don’t need her Monday. I’ve also changed the alarm and gate codes, and will put the security system on on the off-chance she does decide to call on Monday. I can’t imagine she would at all, but at least I’m covered. I’ll get the keys back after Christmas and tell her I no longer need her. Still haven’t decided if I tell her why, or just let it go.

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OP - you really need to consider the possibility she has a copy of the keys

liamharha · 20/12/2025 13:56

I think most of us agree that the cleaners behaviour is anything and everything ranging from creepy and potentially sinister to sad and pitiful ,however some of the comments on this post really emphasise just how snobby and classless some people are.
The aspersions and views some people have cast on the lady because she's a cleaner are horrendous.
The phrases badly educated ,poor ,average looking ,jealous have all been used about a person none of us actually know or have seen yet op has been labelled as rich good looking affluent and apparently has a rich dishy husband ?
Talk about judging a book by it's cover .

Mydadsbirthday · 20/12/2025 13:54

Some of the responses on this thread are bonkers.

"Why do you need a cleaner"?!

"Don't say anything and give her a nice bonus"

Absolutely batshit

Biskieboo · 20/12/2025 13:46

I wouldn't be basing my likely course of action of letting her know she'd been rumbled then letting it go on 'kindness' as such, it's more just-not-that-botheredness. Sure if she'd posted the picture and said 'This is 22 Acacia Avenue, go and check it out' then yeah it's a clear breach of privacy and the cleaner wouldn't be darkening my door again. But if it's essentially a picture of a nicely decorated room that could be anywhere...meh, I'd not be too bothered. In any event she may well not come back anyway once she knew I knew - I'd certainly be too embarrassed if it were me!

BradPittsLeftArmpit · 20/12/2025 13:43

This is cheeky fuckery on another level. I think your current plan is a good one, but I would definitely let her know you know what she's done

AbbaCadaBra · 20/12/2025 13:35

I would feel more than a bit weird.

Skybluepinky · 20/12/2025 13:33

Comment ‘yes my Christmas decorations are amazing, glad you think so”

ClaredeBear · 20/12/2025 13:22

I would approach this with empathy and understanding, asking her if she’s ok as you’d noticed her post, which you’d like her to remove. I’d put the focus on her welfare because this is definitely strange behaviour.

DeftWasp · 20/12/2025 13:17

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 12:22

She doesn’t have a disability.

I know I’ll have the change the locks, I’d just prefer to not have to do it today.

If I tell her today that I don’t need her anymore (and why) there’s a very slight chance she might use my keys while I’m away. This way, she doesn’t know, just thinks she’s not needed on Monday as my plans have changed, and would have no reason to come here.

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That sounds reasonable OP

DeftWasp · 20/12/2025 13:17

VickyEadieofThigh · 20/12/2025 10:24

We've had more than one thread about cleaners pushing (or even trampling) boundaries before. It really does seem like it's people who treat their cleaners (or other people doing jobs at their homes) like 'friends' who get shat on.

I've had to tell my partner more than once to stop making big pals with tradespeople we've employed to do jobs, because it's often ended badly (job not done well enough, job being left half-done for weeks, etc).

I recomment treating 'employees' more professionally.

As a tradesman I would not describe myself as an employee of anyone - I am self employed, running a business, providing a service.
It is vitally important to me that my clients are happy with the service I provide, and I have become friends with many clients down the years - that doesn't change the fact that they matter as much as any other customer, but I live in a small rural community, so I only have to piss one farmer off to loose a lot of trade.
But I'm not their employee, I have the right to work in the way I want, and to politely decline work if I don't like the job.

IsItSnowing · 20/12/2025 12:29

OP your response seems very reasonable to me. I think waiting makes sense.

I would tell her why. I'd be polite and just state the reason. No need to avoid the issue. Her fault. Her consequences.

Original poster

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 12:22

StrikeForever · 20/12/2025 12:00

I’m amazed that you wouldn’t tell her why. As for her being an immigrant (from the UK) with a disability (that doesn’t stop her doing the physical hard work of cleaning), that’s irrelevant. You do realise that getting your keys back, won’t mean she doesn’t have a key don’t you? You will never know whether, or not, she had another one cut.

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She doesn’t have a disability.

I know I’ll have the change the locks, I’d just prefer to not have to do it today.

If I tell her today that I don’t need her anymore (and why) there’s a very slight chance she might use my keys while I’m away. This way, she doesn’t know, just thinks she’s not needed on Monday as my plans have changed, and would have no reason to come here.

OP posts:

Wowsersbrowsers · 20/12/2025 12:11

I think you're doing the right thing. While her circumstances sounds sad and difficult that is a massive violation of your privacy and trust and, frankly, really weird. I probably would tell her why, with screenshots, in the hope that she would learn from it but I can see why you might decide it's not your responsibility to do so.

pinkyredrose · 20/12/2025 12:11

summitfever · 19/12/2025 23:56

Jesus Christ where’s the compassion?? The woman is clearly living out a little fantasy of living in a situation she could only dream of and you all want to add to that inequality by firing her at Xmas without as much as a conversation. Doesn’t mean she is wearing your bloody clothes or pawning your jewellery. Only people that already know you will be any the wiser and they aren’t casing your gaff. It means she envies your life. Compassion is dead in this country, it’s really sad.

Wtf are you on about? Compassion doesn't mean accepting someone violating your privacy.

Tattoomuma · 20/12/2025 12:11

OP please change your locks, she may get a set cut with plans to use your home over Christmas for all you know. You’ll always be wondering if she’ll pop up again once she’s stopped cleaning for you, sneaking in to help herself to food etc or giving the keys to burglars for revenge. May sound far fetched but I wouldn’t want the risk.

neveragainonebay · 20/12/2025 12:10

OP, just let it go. Imagine the frame of mind she must be in to need to post fake pictures. It's pitiful really. Nothing to be gained from rubbing her face in it. What difference does it make to you? No need for drama. Just tell her in January that you are very sorry, but you're letting her go as you can no longer afford a cleaner. Get your keys back then. The end.

seafoamhair · 20/12/2025 12:07

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 11:58

I have no problem speaking to her. I do have a problem letting her know I plan to not use her again when she currently has a copy of my keys. To save myself the hassle and expense of calling a locksmith at the weekend, I want to get my keys back before I tell her I’m not using her anymore.

Surely you can see why I think that’s prudent?

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That part is prudent. This is... to me, odd.

Still haven’t decided if I tell her why, or just let it go."

Mropalsmusic · 20/12/2025 12:05

nayals · 20/12/2025 11:58

What’s your address? Come on, show some ‘Christmas kindness’ and let me come round and take photos of your home and pass it off as my own on the internet for likes! I’d like a big bonus for invading your privacy too please!

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I tend to think people on MN who are quick in advising others to act like doormats to those who have wronged them and to just “be kind”wouldn’t actually follow their own advice.
And would in fact act very assertively and decisively in situations like this.

Especially given the way they are speaking to posters who don’t share their opinion - they’re not these mild mannered shrinking violets.

So I take a lot of the “so what it’s not a big deal, let it go, it’s not that serious etc ” with a pinch of salt on here.

It seems to be performative kindness, but the irony is they’re actually being very unkind in minimising the harm done and lacking in empathy for the person who is the victim of these actions.

MaybeNotNo · 20/12/2025 12:02

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 09:14

The trust is gone so I don’t want her in my home anymore. I woke up this morning and immediately thought about checking the CCTV to see if I could spot any weird behaviour. I didn’t because that’s an insane thought, but the fact that it’s my instinct on waking makes me realise none of this sits well with me.

The complication here is she has my keys and was due to call on Monday bit I’ll be away, and not back until the following week so I don’t want to terminate her services until I can get my keys back.

I’ve texted her this morning to say that plans for next week have changed and I don’t need her Monday. I’ve also changed the alarm and gate codes, and will put the security system on on the off-chance she does decide to call on Monday. I can’t imagine she would at all, but at least I’m covered. I’ll get the keys back after Christmas and tell her I no longer need her. Still haven’t decided if I tell her why, or just let it go.

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You'll need to change your locks even if you get the keys back

MummyJ36 · 20/12/2025 12:01

OP I think you should at least tell her why you’re doing this. She has to realise and understand why it isn’t acceptable. You are perfectly within your rights to terminate her contract whenever you wish, but I really do think honesty is the best policy. You are in the right here so don’t be worried about seeming unreasonable!

StrikeForever · 20/12/2025 12:00

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 09:14

The trust is gone so I don’t want her in my home anymore. I woke up this morning and immediately thought about checking the CCTV to see if I could spot any weird behaviour. I didn’t because that’s an insane thought, but the fact that it’s my instinct on waking makes me realise none of this sits well with me.

The complication here is she has my keys and was due to call on Monday bit I’ll be away, and not back until the following week so I don’t want to terminate her services until I can get my keys back.

I’ve texted her this morning to say that plans for next week have changed and I don’t need her Monday. I’ve also changed the alarm and gate codes, and will put the security system on on the off-chance she does decide to call on Monday. I can’t imagine she would at all, but at least I’m covered. I’ll get the keys back after Christmas and tell her I no longer need her. Still haven’t decided if I tell her why, or just let it go.

Show quote history

I’m amazed that you wouldn’t tell her why. As for her being an immigrant (from the UK) with a disability (that doesn’t stop her doing the physical hard work of cleaning), that’s irrelevant. You do realise that getting your keys back, won’t mean she doesn’t have a key don’t you? You will never know whether, or not, she had another one cut.