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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
FluffyJawsOfDoom · 20/12/2025 17:19

You're doing the right thing OP. It's a massive invasion of privacy, very weird and bit stalkery. Best of luck.

Maddy70 · 20/12/2025 17:18

Honestly she has breached your trust , also potentially exposing your personal belongings which could be a security risk. That would be a deal breaker for me

MyspecialMug · 20/12/2025 17:18

YANBU
it would put my guard up though. Good you're cancelling Monday. But I'd let her know you're not happy with pics of YOUR home on FB.
Personally, I wouldn't like her back. What else is she snooping at?, has she posted your home before, you just having seen it?.
Her personal/family life and circumstances, are not your worry.
She had no issue posting your private home, with no regard to you. she didn't think you see it. That's sneaky.

BrickBiscuit · 20/12/2025 17:17

Calliopespa · 20/12/2025 16:05

Yes I understand your thinking op about not firing her till you have the key, but I still think you need a change of locks anyway. Then perhaps a different system with the next cleaner. We were always told by our insurance co to leave them somewhere on the property, which means she can also access them in an emergency but makes it more of a rigmarole to uplift them to get them cut.

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Won't insurers refuse to pay out if a burglar uses a key left on the property (or even left somewhere else)? Install a key safe as the next best thing.

Farmwifefarmlife · 20/12/2025 17:16

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:21

I did. On Monday, after we parted ways (so before I left the house and she took the photos). Gave her a generous cash bonus, wine, biscuits, and a bottle of perfume (same as one I have because she’s always complimenting it- I just realised that’s not helping the Single White Female image!!)

For those saying her family and friends would surely notice. She’s British but we live in a different European country and she doesn’t have family here and never really talks about them visiting (her elderly parents are in England and she travels to them regularly). I’m not sure re: friends. She rarely mentions plans to meet friends over weekends etc. She’s a single mum to three young kids, works part time and then does cleaning on the side a few days a week. One of her children is disabled. I’m guessing she doesn’t have too much time for socialising.

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you sound like a nice person and I imagine she is envious of your life / home. It’s a tough one to call as I’d feel for her but also be a bit annoyed.

Emmz1510 · 20/12/2025 17:14

My first thought was that she is lonely and seeking the attention of others through social media, which is quite sad.
It is a breach of privacy but realistically how likely is it anyone would recognise it as your home? Hopefully there wasn’t anything identifying in the pictures, no photos or documents with personal information? What is the nature of the group? I take it it’s not buying and selling and she’s not planning to steal from you and sell your stuff?
It’s more creepy than anything, like she wants to ‘be’ you, have your life.
Id be more inclined to try to talk to her about it rather than jump to sacking her, especially if she’s a good cleaner. I‘m sure she’ll be suitably mortified.

sweetgingercat · 20/12/2025 17:14

It’s a betrayal. You cannot trust her. I’d go round to her house, collect my keys on some pretext, like I’d lost a set and then never have her in your house again.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/12/2025 17:13

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 14:01

My favourite this about the “you don’t need a cleaner” thing (apart from the fact that I never said I “need” a cleaner, nor does the poster know what I “need”), is the fact that it came from a man. Would love to know the view of his wife, a mother of four, on whether a cleaner would have been of benefit to her.

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I found that post bizarre as well. 🙄

BeShyHiker · 20/12/2025 17:11

Why didn't she just ask you if she can post your stuff on FB??? I wouldn't like that...maybe she wants to leave the job so she's done something stupid and you'll sack her...lol

FlyingFox · 20/12/2025 16:49

Sorry that would be game over for me. I’d never trust her again.

Marieb19 · 20/12/2025 16:39

I'd comment on her post " that looks lovely and strangely familiar"

Lurkingonmn · 20/12/2025 16:38

I agree that you should let her go - and wait until she is at yours with the keys until you do so. I do think you should be saying that the reason is the posting photos of your home without your consent. It is a shame it has come to this but she has breached your trust.

Bella5C · 20/12/2025 16:37

I think you know what you have to do but are sorry to see her go as up until now you have trusted her and she does a good job. I’d be concerned about what else she’s having a good look at it and admiring. Not suggesting she’s a thief but given the posting and lies, I don’t think I could believe she isn’t rifling through your belongings as well?

Christwosheds · 20/12/2025 16:35

Spoke to DH about this, his take was that you now know that she can be deceitful and isn’t trustworthy, plus that she is also a bit weird. So his advice was obviously you have to sack her, but don't mention the pics, as embarrassment might trigger vindictive behaviour. He says she is an adult, she already knows this is wrong, you don’t owe her anything and should prioritise the least risky way of letting her go, which is to end the arrangement asap with whatever excuse you feel like giving.

KidsDoBetter · 20/12/2025 16:27

cheddercherry · 19/12/2025 17:37

I wouldn’t be happy, it’s such a massive security risk especially showing off things like layouts and interiors of several rooms of your home / I’m sure it’s more identifiable to local residents than you think so I’d be absolutely livid.

“Massive security risk” lol

JackTheStRipper · 20/12/2025 16:18

murasaki · 19/12/2025 17:34

That's a sackable offence in my book.

Absolutely.

CityGrownWillow · 20/12/2025 16:17

I gave up my self employed business in September so speaking professionally I wouldn't DREAM of doing this!
It's a breach of your privacy, let alone morally wrong to say it's all hers - a bit odd.
When signing up a customer for cleans with me, I ask if they will allow me to take photos of their home strictly for my business profile on Facebook, and that I will ensure there's nothing identifiable in the image, purely just to show a before/after of a clean, that is the only time I'd take photos to be shown publicly, with the owners consent!

Northernladdette · 20/12/2025 16:15

I think I’d comment “That looks familiar 😳”
😡😡😡

ChattyCatty25 · 20/12/2025 16:15

This is really sinister. Don’t feel sorry for her, if she’s coveting your house and belongings that much she may feel entitled to steal.

brokenbics · 20/12/2025 16:13

Does she not have friends in the same FB group who will be commenting ‘but that’s not your house!’
Bizarre behaviour, I wouldn’t be happy.

Calliopespa · 20/12/2025 16:05

StrikeForever · 20/12/2025 12:00

I’m amazed that you wouldn’t tell her why. As for her being an immigrant (from the UK) with a disability (that doesn’t stop her doing the physical hard work of cleaning), that’s irrelevant. You do realise that getting your keys back, won’t mean she doesn’t have a key don’t you? You will never know whether, or not, she had another one cut.

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Yes I understand your thinking op about not firing her till you have the key, but I still think you need a change of locks anyway. Then perhaps a different system with the next cleaner. We were always told by our insurance co to leave them somewhere on the property, which means she can also access them in an emergency but makes it more of a rigmarole to uplift them to get them cut.

saraclara · 20/12/2025 15:10

I think your plan is wise @DeadlyDead . I wouldn't want to leave my house unoccupied after sacking her, either.

But yes, when you do tell her, I think you need to tell her why. This is very strange behaviour, and she has to recognise that it's entirely wrong, and why. Her employment with anyone will continue to be at risk of she continues to do this, and you'd be sparing her other clients from having their privacy invaded, as she's very unlikely to do it again, once she knows she's been found out.

Kokonimater · 20/12/2025 14:25

This is a trust issue. You won’t be able to trust her again. You’ll have to let her go. This is a transgression

Mere1 · 20/12/2025 14:12

Sorry. You have posted to that effect.

Mere1 · 20/12/2025 14:11

Fiftyandme · 20/12/2025 13:57

OP - you really need to consider the possibility she has a copy of the keys

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You do. I would change the lock.