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AIBU?

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Original poster

Too much pressure and ready to break. AIBU?

35 replies

NeedyHiker · 19/12/2025 16:40

My DH works overseas and in recent times, has spent quite a lot of time away.

My DS has various medical needs which I do all of the appointments for, and predominantly take care of his needs.

I had a hard time with my mental health recently, which DH was aware of, which has affected the intimacy between DH and I.

Around a month ago, DS became very unwell and quite soon after, my dad was hospitalised and was in a very serious condition. As you can imagine, this was extremely difficult for me.

DH returned form his recent work trip 2 weeks ago and to be honest, I’ve been absolutely exhausted since he came back. DH has been amazing. Taking care of things around the house, but yesterday, he told me he feels like he just cleans and tidies up after everyone and that he’s living with his mate, not his wife.

My dad is still very ill and I just don’t have the headspace to deal with this. DH is right, he does a lot around the house. I have really struggled to keep on top of housework due to work and parenting responsibilities, as well as my mental health, so I understand him feeling the way he does, but I am so drained, I feel like I have nothing more of me to give. I am just so exhausted.

This isn’t really a AIBU. I just need someone to talk to.

OP posts:
Scared0112 · 19/12/2025 17:39

There is no real advice: truthfully, if all is as you say then he is being unfair. You’re under so much pressure and dealing with so much, you’re asking for a short term picking up of slack to keep the ship running which as someone else said, is what marriage is meant to be. Tell him you that while his points may be true, and you understand him, you in turn feel let down by him in this way- and that it is also true. You are both valid, but right now he can surely see how this is circumstance and now is the time to prop you up with love and patience and understanding, as I’ve no doubt you’ve done for him in the past.

Original poster
NeedyHiker · 19/12/2025 17:34

I’m sorry to bump this post. I just really need some advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedyHiker · 19/12/2025 17:17

DH told me how he was feeling a couple of days ago, and has just said it again this evening. He got quite frustrated with me, when I tried to say what I had been going through. I told him to leave if that’s what he wants. He has gone out in the car. I don’t know what this means.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedyHiker · 19/12/2025 17:10

Yes. I’m on a part time contract, but do full time hours some weeks. It varies.

OP posts:
Badsanta12 · 19/12/2025 17:09

Do you work as well?

Original poster
NeedyHiker · 19/12/2025 17:07

DH does so much when he is home. He has always been this way and we have been married for many years. I can understand him feeling as though he isn’t appreciated and feeling like our relationship is lacking in intimacy. He has very valid points and I know it’s my fault. I just don’t have any energy to deal with any of this on top of everything’s else right now. I feel so broken.

OP posts:
Jeschara · 19/12/2025 16:58

It must be very hard for you. Your husband has helped you, but really should not have burdened you with what he said, knowing how you are feeling. This could have been a discussion for the new year.
Remember there is so much more to do in the festive season and any problems get heightened. You are probably both stressed.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/12/2025 16:54

You need to be blunt with him. Tell him that you're aware he's doing a lot at the moment but you thought that's what marriage was all about. One carries the load when things are tough for the other one, and vice versa. Everyone needs someone who can support them and who they can rely on when times are bad. And remind him that you're carrying EVERYTHING all the time when he's away, so you didn't think he would begrudge putting in a bit more when he's actually around, while you get through this difficult period with your dad.

I lost my dad 2 years ago, he was in hospital for about 6 weeks prior, very ill. It was a really difficult time. I was working full time and going to the hospital after work every day, and also going at weekends. DH made sure that when I came home from the hospital in the evening I had a meal to eat. He carried the load for me at home, and I was so grateful, as it was hard enough as it was to go through that. If he'd have told me that he felt he was doing everything during that time I think I would have wanted to walk out.

People who work away while their other half does everything at home can often be quite selfish. They don't get it at all. They're only used to worrying about themselves when they're away and so get a shock when they come home and "demands" are put on them (ie. normal family life stuff). They need to be left to do everything sometimes and then they will start to appreciate the work that goes into keeping everything together when they're not there.

Original poster
NeedyHiker · 19/12/2025 16:50

Anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedyHiker · 19/12/2025 16:41

We are in our early 30’s with two children who are 13 and 10.

OP posts:
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