Rough idea what would be fair in divorce.

Have you thought about attending mediation? They will get you both to disclose all assets, then you approach it from there. You have to think about the whole pot, so pensions, assets etc, savings etc. It's also worth speaking to a solicitor. Have you got CETV pension valuations? You will need them. You can get an opinion from a solicitor and still proceed with mediation.

Marital pot split and child maintenance are entirely unrelated.

Use mediation better outcomes for everyone.

If he starts mentioning 50:50, you say great which school run are you doing, every morning or every afternoon or are we doing week on & week off?

He will expect you to still do the wrap around care so make it very clear you will not be doing it for him on his days.

How much would it cost to bring your pension contributions up to match his as you’ve had to sacrifice your earns to support his FT work due to childcare.

Play hardball because as you say due to AI neither of you can rely on future earnings.

bottom line should always be ‘what’s best for the kids’ and it blows my mind that any parent wouldn’t adhere to that.

When my ex and I were together the best way of working our family running to our strengths was that he worked whatever hours he could (as he earnt more), and I was the default parent. For a bit of balance we did about 10% of each others roles. This was best for our kids.

it remained best for our kids when we split up, so our divorce settlement reflected that. No he didn’t expect me to suddenly work full time and put the kids in childcare, because that wouldn’t be best for the kids. Neither did he want 50/50 as again, that wouldn’t be best for the kids.

It’s not fair you get the security of a mortgage free home while he gets the huge mortgage and uncertainty in job security. You already say his is insecure due to ai etc .

you need to increase your earnings as it’s currently very low.

but you need to look at pensions too before you can start to figure out a fair split

You need to think about your long term stability. Everything including all pensions are part of the split.

yes, child maintenance may change. He may simply not pay. Don’t count on that money. Don’t even consider it when negotiating a settlement or trying to decide what is fair. That money is about going forward and compensating for parenting time disparity. That money is about trying to make a tiny dent in the fact that you have reduced earning power because you have the children more.

the default split of assets is 50/50. Don’t take less than that. If you have placed your career second so he could earn, you negotiate up from there, not down.

If he lost his job (income is zero) then you would get zero maintenance but he’d be a fool to sign a deal for less maintenance because you could go to CMS and get £935pm via them and keep the equity.

More equity, £935pm CM and not touching his pension is possibly a fair deal but it depends how 15% of the equity (I’m assuming you want 65% so the extra above 50/50) compares to half his pension.

The two are treated seperately so you don't have to choose between CM and assets.

I thought exactly the same. But it turns out if they arrange childcare that's seen as being ok. So you can end up in a situation where the oh gets 50:50 but kids are with childminder, grandparents, after school club etc.

Also - be wary that if him going self employed might be an option that would make things really tough to get CMS too.

Unfortunately a large proportion of men suddenly decide they want 50:50 shared care when they realise what CMS would cost! This happened to me.

With the kids at school age court might feel you can work full time. So although things might work out better, be prepared that a 50:50 asset (or close to) and child contact split might be a possible outcome.

For a kick off sign up for child benefit even if you dont get the money. Its National insurance credits towards your state pension and ensure they automatically get their national insurance numbers

I honestly don’t think it’s either/or op. I think that poster was incorrect.

This is extremely relevant op. Speak to a solicitor.

A higher split in the assets wouldn’t reduce the CM I don’t think. The higher split would be a reflection that the op needs a higher deposit than he does due to their salaries. It goes on needs. They both need to be able to house their children. The disparity in wages is, in part at least, because the op has been the main care giver for the last 7 years whilst his career, and thus salary, has progressed.

How much is in his pension? Some pensions have excess of a million £ in them, you're entitled to 50% of that, so it could be much higher than the house equity you're getting...

If your share of his pension is worth about 1/3 house value then your proposal looks reasonable

Have you tried a CM calculator and see what it suggests as CM? I would put in one overnight a week and see what it suggests as a minimum figure for CM.

Problem with a Mesher is that you would have the problem of securing housing when youngest turns 18. House prices will probably have risen more than your salary so a clean break and finding a property now will be best for everyone. Your ex is unlikely to be able to afford current mortgage and rent/mortgage for his new home.

Buying a cheaper home is also a good idea as it means cheaper bills like council tax and utilities.

I think that you should find out how much pension he has before agreeing to giving up any claims to it. You might want some so that you have a cushion later.

If you took 50:50 assets and he had the kids 1 night per week, you'd probably be looking at circa £1k per month in child maintenance (from government calculator). So you need to work out whether a higher split of assets and reduced maintenance is preferable. I'd speak to a solicitor