To think it’s inappropriate?

Youth is truly wasted on the young isn't it?

I reckon because your answer was so sharp and concise
You're either a freewheeling man
Or
Someone, who's decided to take this stance for personal reasons?

Or a teenager. The rudeness and 'you're old so you can't possibly have any opinions worth listening to' attitude suggests a very young and immature person.

Pherian
I'd probably be another of those 'stuffy old crones' you seem to have a problem with
Can I just say we are all aware of the age of consent but whilst a person looks "ready" and able it doesn't mean they actually are.
Oh and another thing if any child of mine told me to "piss off" I'd be tempted to tell them that if that's how they feel, then they should,
from my house know the way to their perfect-we-will-always-be-together loves place
You sounded very hostile, aggressive and angry with your reply, and if having sex as and when you wanted when younger didnt in any way affect you then zippedydoo aren't you the lucky one........
Don't push your 'two fingers up to the world' attitude resentfully at everyone who cares and tries to advise in their children's lives
I reckon because your answer was so sharp and concise
You're either a freewheeling man
Or
Someone, who's decided to take this stance for personal reasons?

I assume your eldest daughter was still a virgin when you had this rule or at least that's what you believed at the time. Your SD is not a virgin and is with her new boyfriend regardless of what you think about her having sex. It's safer to have her closer to her dad in this situation so that he has the opportunity to talk to her new boyfriend.

If you think telling your kids their partners can't stay avoids them having sex then you're delusional 🤣 the best thing you could do is let them stay and leave a condom on the bed!!

Oh come on. She's 17 not 12. You had an unreasonable rule with your children so feel the need to continue the unreasonable rule. Will your DC even care??

As an aside I would be having strong words with my adult ds if they were planning on staying over with a 16yr old so early on in their relationship. Not that I could stop him of course but I would be having a discussion about it.

I’ve said YABU because I don’t agree with the rule of waiting until they are 18 personally. Plus, given the distance, all her boyfriends will be unknown to you/a stranger so they will never be able to stop over with that reasoning.

i do agree that you should be consistent though and as you had that rule for your daughter, it’s right that the same applies. Does he/she expect to share a room? Maybe the compromise is they have separate rooms?

Absolutely not. Rules are rules and it’s as simple as that

My youngest son is 22. Whenever he had a new GF (thankfully been with this one 1+y and she’s amazing) she had to come around for a few times so that I could get to know her. I don’t like strangers in my house at all, never mind overnight while I’m asleep.

He’s also being a CF by not taking time off of work to entertain this stranger and not even considering how you are all going to arrive.

Unfortunately MN seem to hate woman who have the audacity to have an opinion about step children. SHES NOT YOUR CHILD gets thrown around without considering all of the love and hard work you’ve put in the last 14 years and the fact that it’s 50% your house. You’re meant to just DO AS YOU’RE TOLD and allow a child to break your rules, the same rules that he wouldn’t allow YOUR children to break. Very much princess syndrome.

Stick your ground. If he’s not prepared to follow the rules that you both made then I would refuse to go back to the house while the strange man was there and ultimately divorce him, but I’m like that. I’m a scorch earth kind of person, especially when it comes to my kids.

2.5 month relationship and she’s 16 - not a chance that would happen at mine. I would feel so uncomfortable and imagine enabling putting her in a position that actually she may feel (unknowingly) uncomfortable in with him and she sorta does it anyway - no other form of entertainment around n all that.

When I was a teen my parents varied rules for my older brother and I a) because we have very different personalities but also b) because they learnt lessons with their first child and changed their parenting style in response to this. I was far more mature than my brother as a teen. Rules are fine but not for the sake of just having rules!

This is easily solved. You contact DSD directly and say while she is very welcome to stay, her BF cannot.

You sound like a stuffy old crone.

Age of consent in the U.K. is 16 .

If I was your daughter or step daughter I’d tell you to piss off and enjoy your Christmas - forever.

You don’t control their lives anymore and you should get over yourself.

But it isn't the same. One is definitely bad for you and the other is an opinion you have due to pretty out of date attitudes towards sex.

Maybe you made the wrong decision regarding your DD and can adapt instead of rigidly sticking to it.

Maybe you can accept that they are different situations entirely due to DSD living so far away and certain allowances should be made.

I think you are absolutely right to stand by your view that a) she is too young and b) you have never met this lad and she hasn’t been the most discerning so far. Yes it was fine in my situation but I’m sure I would feel the same as you in your particular circumstances.

Pick your battles as you are unlikely to win and moaning and making a fuss will make it seem like you hate his child.

You have your priorities completely wrong. Appallingly so.

Framing this as an annoyance because you have to entertain your DSD and her boyf when you don’t want to and weren’t consulted on is crazy.

She is a vulnerable, likely abused child who needs someone to step up for her. Clearly her dad is not doing that and you only seem bothered about “fairness” related to your own child and moaning about not being consulted. H ow about you step up and do some of the actual safeguarding that you’re only referencing ten posts in

I said allegedly because I have no way of knowing if the OP and stepmother is exaggerating.
I don't agree with her attitude which is purely focused on her own daughters and not in her stepdaughter's best interest. If her stepdaughter dated a convicted sex offender, this should have been in the initial post as it's the most important piece of information in this situation. Her SD is incredibly vulnerable if she was dating a sex offender when 15 or 16. Her father also knows this and wants his daughter to be with him where he has some chance of protecting her and also has the opportunity to assess the new beau on his territory. He may be planning to have a conversation with him too. That's what I would do or ask my DH to do in a similar situation.

The whole thing about having a different rule for the older daughter is a complete red herring imho.

Girls who grow up without their father are especially vulnerable to predatory males as they are subconsciously seeking a father figure. I've seen this too many times over the past 40 years and it's one reason I would not recommend divorce except where the husband is abusive.

I voted that YABU and I feel a bit mean now because he absolutely should have discussed it with you first, so in that respect I'm completely with you.
I assume your DD are his children and they live with you full time? In which case, given that your SD lives "a few hours away" and time with her is limited it is a completely different situation. Especially as you say she gets bored as it's so quiet where you live.
So I think it's ok to let her boyfriend stay. He doesn't see her all the time so it seems fair. Plus the boyfriend might say no anyway!
And it doesn't mean your younger daughter gets to dictate when she has boyfriends staying over because she's with you full time and it's a different situation for her.

This is utterly bemusing. Your 16 year old DSD previously dated a sex offender and you’re approaching whether a new boyfriend stays over from the perspective of will it set a precedent that you are unwilling to fulfil for your own DD rather than the perspective of: SHE WAS DATING A SEX OFFENDER.

Your DSD need proper support and care from her parents. She has been groomed and potentially abused and you’re glossing over it like it’s nothing. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?!

Also I wouldn't want an u known male staying overnight in my home where other children are present. Even if they are grown ups. You dont know him. She is very young. Her judgement has been seriously off before. Apart from risk of physical or sexual misbehaviour on his part or drunkeness etc people can creep about at night. Look at documents. ID fraud is a real risk.
I knew someone whose locks had to be changed due to another occupants friend staying over and being left there when they went to work.
You are at your most vulnerable when asleep.
If she has to bring someone let it be a female friend.