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Original poster

Would you help adult DC to go on holiday for friend's 30th?

136 replies

needtowashthefloor · 19/12/2025 12:37

My DD is 26, works full time and bought her first house earlier this year. I know money is tight for her but she is fully financially independent from me. I actually think it's good for her to not have much (and have told her as much) at least once in her life so I don't bail her out, although I do occasionally take her out for lunch etc.
One of her friends from uni turns 30 next year and the friend has invited their uni friend group (about six girls) to go on a holiday abroad to celebrate. DD wants to go but is worried about how she is going to afford it. If you had the means, would you help to allow her to go? She has never been on holiday with the whole group, only a couple of holidays with one or two of her friends at a time.

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 19/12/2025 16:55

Of course. Why wouldn't you? And I sort of know what you mean about how you want her to be independent, but if I had spare money and my daughter was working really hard to make ends meet, then some of that money would go her way. I love her. I want her to be comfortable and secure and have treats, too.

noworklifebalance · 19/12/2025 16:53

Berlinlover · 19/12/2025 16:28

No I wouldn’t. A grown adult should be embarrassed to take money from their parents unless they are going to pay it back.

What miserable nonsense.

My parents helped me as an adult and whilst I could have managed, my life is much better for it.
I will help my parents in old age and whilst they can afford care, I hope the last few years of their life will be better for it.*

That’s what families ought to do - look after and support each other.

*as an aside, this could also reduce the burden on the state. I have not stats to back this up!

cramptramp · 19/12/2025 16:51

Yes but it would be an early/late birthday present.

Headingforholidays · 19/12/2025 16:50

Berlinlover · 19/12/2025 16:28

No I wouldn’t. A grown adult should be embarrassed to take money from their parents unless they are going to pay it back.

Why?

Headingforholidays · 19/12/2025 16:48

Newmeagain · 19/12/2025 16:13

I am over 50 and my parents still occasionally pay for me for things like a holiday. Definitely not because I don’t work extremely hard or can’t save.

Show quote history

Mine too. I am 42 and have no need of financial help but they do it because they want to and they can! It has not in any way made me expect things or work less hard.

martha4clark · 19/12/2025 16:30

Yes definitely

FcukBreastCancer · 19/12/2025 16:30

I would.
I wish my parents helped me attend my best friend's wedding abroad when I was in my 20s.

Berlinlover · 19/12/2025 16:28

No I wouldn’t. A grown adult should be embarrassed to take money from their parents unless they are going to pay it back.

FutureMandosWife · 19/12/2025 16:21

This was me for my 40th my parents paid for my flight and some spending money for my weekend away with pals. I don't ask for help that much. They offered to pay and they wouldn't accept that I could pay myself. It was made part of my birthday.

user46256728992 · 19/12/2025 16:18

Yes - when you’re young is when you need money!
I’m wealthy pretty much because of when I was born and houses were cheap, if I can’t share that good fortune with my kids its a pretty sad state of affairs…
It’s no good saving up for years and hoping to go then because by then the friends/her will have kids and the holidays will be very different, you’re only young once!

DeathWinsAGolfish · 19/12/2025 16:15

Of course, without a second thought.

FreeTheOakTree · 19/12/2025 16:15

Without hesitation. If she works FT and has been responsible enough to be able to buy her own home, then yes, I absolutely would treat her.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 19/12/2025 16:14

Instructions · 19/12/2025 12:46

Probably not.

She's an adult who has been able to buy a house.

She can save up. Or take out a loan. Or not go.

Yeah it may be others going can't buy a house yet and that's why they can afford it. She's old enough to make her own priorities. I think it could set a precedent for handouts.

I'd probably give her money for Christmas/ birthday towards it, if that is what she wanted.

Newmeagain · 19/12/2025 16:13

Devuelta81 · 19/12/2025 15:29

I'm going to go against the grain here, I think that is the sort of thing a 26 year old should be taking care of themselves. Perhaps you could find another way to contribute something ie give her Xmas + birthday money, or even say you had meant to give her a housewarming contribution to help set her up and now she can use it for other things 😉 That might sound silly but somehow a handout for a holiday as an established adult feels a bit off and might set the wrong precedent.

I am over 50 and my parents still occasionally pay for me for things like a holiday. Definitely not because I don’t work extremely hard or can’t save.

TheChosenTwo · 19/12/2025 16:10

I think I’d be inclined to offer to pay for an element of the trip, be it flights or accommodation and give spending money as a birthday present - a way of contributing towards it. But she has some time to save herself too.
i could afford to pay for a trip for my dc but I’m careful about setting up expectations and although I want my dc to know they can always come to us if they need help, a holiday isn’t an essential, it’s a ‘nice to have if you can afford it’ and a part of being an adult is understanding that you have to make compromises. Your dd has already sacrificed a lot (presuming of course that she hasn’t just been given a deposit!) so is aware of this.
I think I’d help though, it’s nice to help as parents.

Astra53 · 19/12/2025 16:04

Yes. 100%

teaandtoastwouldbenice · 19/12/2025 16:01

I would!

Toastersandkettles · 19/12/2025 16:01

Absolutely!

LeonMccogh · 19/12/2025 15:59

JWR · 19/12/2025 13:14

Without thinking about it. But then I really don’t understand your mentality of it being good for her to struggle, it seems so self-righteous and unkind. And I have a 24 year old DD who is a home owner, works hard and is a good person despite us doing things like that for her regularly.

I agree with this. It has an undercurrent of “young people should be poor”. Are we really racing to the bottom?

Lurkingandlearning · 19/12/2025 15:59

I would, I think. I’m just wondering about the rest of the group doing the same when they turn 30. That could be 6 holidays she wouldn’t want to miss £££££

Member984815 · 19/12/2025 15:56

Devuelta81 · 19/12/2025 15:29

I'm going to go against the grain here, I think that is the sort of thing a 26 year old should be taking care of themselves. Perhaps you could find another way to contribute something ie give her Xmas + birthday money, or even say you had meant to give her a housewarming contribution to help set her up and now she can use it for other things 😉 That might sound silly but somehow a handout for a holiday as an established adult feels a bit off and might set the wrong precedent.

I agree , I might give her a gift of money towards it but at the end of the day she's an Independent person who needs to make these decisions about budgeting her money.

WhippetsForever · 19/12/2025 15:51

Absolutely I would. She sounds sensible with money and it won't suddenly make her useless with money because you pay for a holiday. I fully intend to help DC in this way when they're adults. Why would you not if you can afford it? She's had to work hard to buy a house etc you've taught her well 🙂

pilates · 19/12/2025 15:51

Yes, if I could afford to but I wouldn’t want it to be expected all the time.

Maryberrysbouffant · 19/12/2025 15:49

Yes of course.

Purplewarrior · 19/12/2025 15:41

Yes. I do this sort of thing for my twenty something DC regularly