Explain that working from home is WORKING

How is being clear about him not interrupting you 'passive aggressive'? 😂

You're right. Reminder to myself not to feed it. At least some of the replies have given me a good chuckle.

You don't seem to have ANY issue being assertive at the moment OP. Or passive aggressive. Yet you want us to believe these concepts are alien to you.

4/10 for effort

Neither that one or any other says someone has been unable to understand once being told. In fact that one ends with "He is capable of grasping this. I promise you he is."

You're the only person on the thread who thinks your partner really can't get it.

Because this isn't real 😂

Can you quote all these people because I've actually only seen one, and she said she no longer interrupts her partner?

He's been watching too many you tube wfh skits about napping and doing housework. Big sign on door, do not disturb and times inserted. He also needs to get of the house more so you're not his only focus. Xx

Tell him if he keeps interrupting you will have to go somewhere else to work.

I think there's an intellectual incompatibility between you. If you didn't see it before, it's obvious now. If he doesn't get it now, he never will. Think carefully how this will impact your future together.

Do you really think setting a clear boundary, like do not disturb during my working hours of 9 to 5 or whatever, is passive aggressive?

No. That's assertive behaviour. It is setting your boundaries so you can take care of business. You have bills to pay. This is the norm for people who work from home. It's not something to be negotiated. The solution is he leaves you alone while you're working. Period.

What's passive aggressive is his interrupting your work with nonsense and when you say not now, I'm working, and he gets pissy over that.

I still can't get over he has you performing for his friends on command.

Drives me nuts, DP does it sometimes, sister rings me endlessly and its all 'oh i forgot you were at work... oh well witters until the end of time'

If I am writing or doing some sort of illustration/art, i need to be in teh zone and left alone in it or it takes me ages to get back into the flow.

If I am at Other Job (same desk, different role) then again, I might sit here ten minutes doing nowt and then I might be trying to explain fairly complicated stuff to people who have never heard it before (or worse, think they understand but don't) in a real time, live chat, and sometimes to several people in different messages at once...

I do not need 'hahaha, look at this otter, just look, look its funny'.

Ask your DP if, when he is trying a complicated reverse, at a depot thats really tight, never dropped a trailer there before, and half the warehouse is watching... would he like you to lean over and shove a phone in his face and say 'hey look at this its hilarious'...

'No but thats different, im doing something'

'Nah looks pretty easy to me, just push this, pull that, turn that, you don't even have to think about it, can't be that hard you're barely doing anything, the truck is doing all the work...'

Or say, figuring out his tax return, deadlines two hours away, he's just got into the zone to plow through a years scruffy accounts and in you tramp, waving a phone 'oh you're only sitting there staring at some screens... LOOK AT THIS KITTEN'...

He is capable of grasping this. I promise you he is. He doesn't really want to because it means he'll feel more lonely and guilty that he can't go and do something constructive.

There are many many children who have successfully learned when it is or is not ok to disturb a parent working from home. Surely he can manage??

From necessity, I work at our kitchen table and my family know it is fine to wander in if they want, but if I’m on a call, they don’t linger. Occasionally I am doing the sort of work that OP describes where a loss of concentration can be very detrimental. In these situations, I (somewhat rudely but it works) just put a hand up (in the style of stopping traffic, not like in class…) and they know to back away slowly and silently 😂

If children can adapt to this, I can only assume - as many other pp have - that he is thick or doesn’t care. You’re not even giving mixed messages. It is never convenient for you to be disturbed. It really is very simple.

It does seem to have jumped the shark a bit.

If your partner asks you not to do something and you continue to do that thing, you’re thick, malicious or you don’t care what they want/need. It’s one of those three things.

‘Please do not do X, it makes me Y and/or I do not like it,’ is very straightforward. A five year old would get it. He doesn’t need to understand the intricacies of what you do for a living to grasp that concept. You’re perfectly aware of this, but are choosing not to engage with it because the very idea of asserting yourself appears somewhat alien to you.

This is quite obviously rage bait.

We’ve now moved into the faux wide-eyed innocence phase: a professional, middle-aged woman with an analytical career forced to come to fucking Mumsnet 😂 to help her explain to her middle-aged boyfriend of ten years what “work” is. It’s transparently absurd.

Its the school holidays people.

Never had this problem with my DH who works from home with me sometimes. We even have doors open and I sit out near the kitchen and he can see me working and doesn’t interrupt. I guess it’s about understanding what work from home means. Is there any other way you can make it clear the home office is a workplace?

I would go back to the office if necessary or may be even find a cafe or library to work from leading into Xmas. Hopefully your partner finds a job soon. Sounds like he has a lot of spare time.

If they needed to be told more than once (maybe twice to be generous) then yes, they are either thick or lacking any respect for their partner.

How has he manged without your full attention during the last 6 hours you've been posting on Mumsnet?

Has he bothered you much?

Mentioned how his ex girlfriend used to post on the internet and hurt his feelings by ignoring him?

Not read the full thread but I have a similar situation with my husband. He's just used to me being there and being able to engage when he wants me for something. It's not intentional on his part at all. If I don't want to be disturbed, I close my office door. If I'm working on 'lighter' stuff and happy for him (kids, dog etc) to pop in, I leave my door open. Simple.

What most people are suggesting is to directly tell him not to disturb you between X and X time. As a non-negotiable.

That’s what all the parents did when wfh with the kids off school during covid.

He is behaving like a child who doesn’t understand what “I’m working” means so treat him like a child.

He really does just sound stupid.