Explain that working from home is WORKING

I tried to deal with mine by holding up two printed books and my royalty statement and saying 'THIS! This is what I do!!' But because it was 'just writing', apparently I could pick it up and put it down whenever he wanted my time.

And because I had two of them (one after the other, I'm not running some kind of male harem) do the exact same thing. it reassured me that it's them. They just couldn't get their head around not being able to SEE me doing something. Some men just don't seem to think that 'brain work' is real work. If you were welding, it would be different.

They don’t need to understand what you do. They just need to respect the fact that you’ve told them you’re working and have asked not to be disturbed.

I also think cocklodger. The timing is too convenient. They have been together 10 years and not lived together but now he's had a work injury and can't work and suddenly he's moved in and now he's being disruptive.
Obviously you can't expect him to work if he's still recovering but he should be starting to consider his options and look for something else as it's becoming clear HGV driving might not be possible.
He's nearing retirement and I think he's found a handy solution for the bext few years until he can get his pension. Op can work and pay for most of their needs and look after him into the bargain.

But OP has already answered posts like this and said she doesn't mind!

I’ve read quite a few of the posts with interest.

Im very feminist and I’d be the first to say that constant interruptions would often be a sign of not respecting your work but I’m not sure that’s what’s going on here.

I think over Christmas holidays you need a difficult conversation about the possibly recovery might be delayed and therefore he needs something short term which helps to keep him in work mode, gets him out of the house, gives him a sense of purpose and builds some new connections. I’d avoid speaking about this being long term and instead speak about the next 3 months with the possibility to extend if he was still off work in 6.

Things which could work well could be voluntary work that fits his needs - food banks are always crying out for people in January. Or joining a gym and going every morning to do his physio there. Or a men’s shed, or walking football, or a job on the counter in Tesco etc.

I think if he gets some structure to his week the interruptions will reduce and he’ll feel a bit more able to think about the future.

Be careful with this one. He doesn't see your work as important. That is a red flag to me.

He literally thinks some shit he's watching on YouTube is more important than your work.

There is no way that he doesn't understand that office work is work, but that's what he is telling you.

The irony is that he's trying to minimize your work while he's not working.

Watch this one very closely. I think you might have caught yourself an abusive cocklodger. He's only just moved in and is already trying to disrupt your career. His true colours are starting to show up. Stand up against this and be firm. Don't let him get away with this shit attitude.

Mines a teacher and so therefore cannot work from home - only had a taste of it during Covid. Whereas my job is fully remote except for a few meetings. I also have a coworking space I work from if I need that social interaction.

My OH would tell me at the beginning of our relationship that he doesn’t understand what I do. But since he has come on a few work dos, seen me work to a deadline. And I don’t know if he gets what I do, but I pay the bills and have an income and I I put effort into my work, and that has been enough.

Some people don’t get it. There isn’t much you can do, except for showing them somehow.

So he’s moved into your house and then given up his job to slob around your house all day and who’s paying for that? You? You have a cocklodger!! Get him out now is my advice before he decides he owns the place!!

Weaponised incompetence is a skill which many men have in spades. It doesnt matter how many times you tell them. They will still go on getting it wrong. And if you dare to point it out they will sulk for days/give you the silent treatment.

He’s clearly not very bright if he can’t understand this when you explain it to him. Do you really want him in your life?

It won't help your situation, but what qualifications do you need to do your job and how would someone get started in this line of work?

Sounds like you have much bigger issues with boundaries with your sister then and need to be firmer. Maybe don’t answer and just text “sorry can’t talk I’m busy working” - then she will know you’re not dead. If she’s annoyed then let her be annoyed - she’s unreasonable. Do it consistently and she’ll eventually get the message.
Seriously, you need to assert yourself better.

Mm, yes, answer it straight away or have her ring the landline, then my DP then whatsapp call me, messenger call me and then message me via whatsapp or messenger...

Because me not answering a call = MUST BE DEAD, not 'must be busy'. The concept of someone NOT answering if they still possess arms and are not actually on fire, is alien to her.

Sometimes I just answer 'busy' and hang up on her, depends on my mood and how much I want to piss her off.

If he can’t understand that, then I’d say you’re not on the same level intellect wise…. You can’t be that stupid to not realise people actually read from screens nowadays..?

OK so setting aside that he is being a pain in the bum and you're trying to cut him some slack for recovery... One thing that occurred to me is that you're using a laptop, which is the sort of thing people do in cafes. I work from home and my setup looks like Cape Canaveral! 🤣 Could you treat yourself to a proper widescreen monitor etc for the new year? It makes work so much easier and he might be less inclined to think you're just casually checking a few things.

I think some men (people) are just a bit more needy in terms of having
a connection during the day and it’s really annoying being distracted
from your work to satisfy the other person.
Not quite the same, but my partner feels the need to impart something
“very interesting” when Im in the
middle of a job or getting ready to go out and I find it extremely annoying and distracting. No matter how many times I have explained that I need to concentrate on the task in hand he continues to do it and I get very irritated by it. it’s just so unnecessary and largely inappropriate, eg today as I was getting ready to catch a train and gathering my stuff and thoughts, asked which medication I was taking because he had just read something on fb about side effects!!! But couldn’t remember which medication. Pointless!

He doesn't need to understand, he just needs to respect you asking him not to bother you.

I think in some ways, OP, you're missing the point. It doesn't really matter whether he understands in any kind of depth what you do, or whether the way you work is very different to how he works, or any of that.

What matters is that you have, very reasonably, told him that you need quiet, uninterrupted time in which to do your job, and for whatever reason he hasn't shown himself willing or able to accept that.

This is now becoming an issue of respect. Ok so he doesn't really get what you do or why you need to be left alone to do it - but now that you've told him what you need, why won't he respect that?

From everything else you've said it sounds like your relationship is good, so I would have the conversation with him where you really set it out clearly that this is an issue of him respecting you. You have told him what you need. It isn't relevant whether he understands why; he needs to have enough respect for you to take you at your word.

If he can't or won't do that you have to face up to the possibility that there is a bad-faith element to this, because if he does truly love and respect you, he will accept it when you tell him that whether or not he gets it, you need to be left alone while working.

well yeah but the joint solution is going to be "don't disturb me while I am working"

I had to pick my very young child up early today as the usual childcare was unavailable. I had to finish up my day working from home with her there . I also have a job that requires concentration but can often look like I’m just quietly staring at my screen. If I lose concentration, I will have to start over , just like you op. I was working in the living room today as dh was out. Initially my child kept interrupting me, to tell me and show me things. I tried gently reminding her I was working. After a small number of interruptions, I firmly said “mummy is working and when you stop me to talk to me I do my work wrong. If I make a mistake my boss will shout at me and I will cry and be sad, you need to stop and play by yourself now until I say I have finished”. After that she sat in the same room playing quietly with her toys. She even got herself a drink of water and snacks. If my small child can understand this, I’m struggling to understand how your adult partner doesn’t? Maybe you need to use my statement above, maybe using the same language you use with small children might work?

I often work from home in a separate room when dh is here with the children. My small children know that if I’m working in the office or my door is shut you cannot come in and talk to mummy. How hard is it for a grown adult to understand. They understood this from about age 3. Last I checked non of my children had office jobs, yet they manage to make sense of it.

He understands but doesn’t care.

Huh? She should shift out of the house? 🤣

This. He sounds like an ignorant arse.

“sister rings me endlessly and its all 'oh i forgot you were at work... oh well witters until the end of time'”

Your choice to answer her call though instead of ignoring it.

It’s the complete opposite of passive - it’s directly communicating what is acceptable and what is not. It doesn’t need to be aggressive either, just clearly stated.

Neither is it an ultimatum.

But you're right and he's wrong. This isn't about pineapple on pizza or who the best Superman is. It's pretty obvious that he won't agree on a joint solution and why should you even be negotiating about this? You stated a boundary and he's repeatedly ignoring it. Even if he genuinely doesn't understand it, he should be respecting it.

Fair enough if you don't want to issue an ultimatum as it's clear you feel strongly for him but it's also clear asking nicely isn't working.