Explain that working from home is WORKING

I understand what you do and how you work from your posts op so it’s not how you’re explaining it, it’s that this numpty you’ve shacked up with doesn’t care to understand. This might be because he’s stupid, he doesn’t value non-manual labour, he cannot comprehend you’re doing anything intellectually challenging, he believes he is entitled to your time and headspace above all other considerations or something else entirely - you know him and I don’t. Mn is full of women wondering how to explain something simple to inconsiderate men. Personally I’d die inside if a romantic partner came into my work to stop what I was doing to show me a funny video like a small child would.

@wfhorwtfyour job isn’t impossible or difficult to explain! Even to someone who has only ever been exposed to manual work. Unless they are particularly poorly educated or a little bit dim, or the other possibility - a bit disrespectful and dismissive.

But it doesn't matter. It's a running joke in our house that DP and DS (18) don't have a clue what my job is as it's nigh on impossible to explain to anyone outside the industry but the fact remains that when I'm working, they shouldn't interrupt me because I've asked them not to and they respect me. It's that simple

Why the fuck do you need to explain anything other than "I'm working from this time until that time. Do NOT disturb me"??

I think you're wilfully ignoring this point now OP.

Have you any idea how many small children are able to grasp the concept that mummy is working from home and cannot be disturbed?

And here you are with a 'pretty amazing' grown man who apparently can't and his feelz get hurt when you 'reject' him?

How long has he been out of work?

He understands it just fine. He's not a toddler. He's just acting like one. I would get angry over this. Your work is your livelihood and he's fucking with how you support yourself.

He thinks he is your priority, not your work. He wants your attention and to him, that's more important than your work. He doesn't respect your work time.

Either move to the office job or you're not compatible living together due to his pestering you for attention constantly and sabotaging your work.

Are you supporting him?

If he can’t leave you alone at work, he needs to be out of YOUR house between 9-5 or whatever your work hours are ( looking for a job). When I’m WFH, if anyone else is in the building I’m half expecting to be disturbed even if I’m not, I’m not concentrating fully. It’s hard to stay in work head mode when those around are waiting to pounce

He's not stupid, but he doesn't know what reading is. If you were stupid, you wouldn't be doing this job so clearly you're not, and you're telling us that he's not. I think at this point it's neck-and-neck for which of you is the most determinedly wilfully ignorant.

Lots of us have been through this during Covid and since. A closed door is the best solution. My kids treat me like I'm not home if the door is closed, which it pretty much always is. I occasionally open it if I've got time to speak to them when they come in from school, and one kid comes in, give me a hug, tell me the news, then goes and get a snack, and I tell them. when I'm likely to finish. Husband chooses to work in a more communal space and gets interrupted more, but he works from home less often, he finds a silent room too intense! He quite likes it if I speak to him on my way to the kettle but I have to 'read' him not just launch into things.

But it's still your work! He should be able to comprehend the notion that when working you're not available to entertain him because he - as a grown man - is bored.

As others have said, this comes down to you setting clear boundaries during your working hours and him respecting them. You don’t need to justify the boundaries and he doesn’t need to understand the nature of your work that underpins them.

It sounds like he is either prioritising his desire for interaction over your need not to be disturbed or he has difficulty controlling his impulses (to interact).

Either way, this should be easily resolvable by you reiterating the boundaries you need and for him to take whatever action he needs to take to ensure he respects them. If he doesn’t, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with this information in mind.

It might help to take breaks at set times and let him know you can talk to him more freely then.

I understood he was working but didn’t appreciate the full on concentration required for certain tasks.

I have the type of job where I can be interrupted with the odd question / the doorbell going etc so I just didn’t fully appreciate how much I was annoying and distracting him from his work. To be fair it sounds like the OP has told her Dp and he’s choosing to ignore her!

Tell him if he interrupts you one more time he has to move out. And mean it.

I do a similar job to you and I think you should stop trying to explain what you do and make it clear that he is not to interrupt you while you're sat at your desk unless there is some kind of emergency, regardless of how busy you may appear. I can understand how initially he might have thought that a brief interruption wouldn't matter, but if you've already explained to him that it breaks your concentration and asked him not to do it, then the problem is not him understanding your job, it's respecting your job. If I was you I would have been very offended to have my job compared to scrolling on a phone.

When does he go back to work?

I refuse to believe anyone is too stupid to understand the idea of desk based work. He went to school presumably so he knows what concentrating on a non-physical task is. My 5 yo is able to grasp the concept that Mummy and Daddy spend their day on the computer and it's work.

If you really believe that this man, who is an adult and as far as you have mentioned does not have a serious learning disability, doesn't understand working on a computer, then you are willingly being taken for a ride.

Yes it's like how having a quick toilet break when you're driving adds 20 min to your journey.

There are documented studies about the costs of interruption - think it's something like every 5 minute interruption costs 25 minutes.

However OP...you're defending him on the basis that he has no experience of this type of work so doesn't understand. I mean...most people have some imagination, empathy, or belief in what the person actually going through something tells them. Like I've never been a farmer, but I understand from inlaws who work in that area how gruelling and never ending it can seem.

You are making excuses for him and asking for advice on how you can get him to respect your job and your time. That should pretty much be a given in any relationship, and I'd be pretty insulted if anyone, let alone a partner who knew me well, compared the 'thinking' / reading time in my job to 'scrolling on socials' or insinuated I was doing nothing. My mum had a manual type job and has never worked in an office type of environment plus gave up work when I was born and would never dream of disturbing me when I was working from home other than in an emergency

He sounds like my in-laws twenty years ago.
They rang with updates and queries because my husband was ‘at work’ out of the house.

They had an excuse
because of their age and very conservative life.

Younger generation, no excuse.

Your job sounds pretty cool.

Get a Do Not Disturb sign for the door and wear headphones. And repeat, repeat, repeat you can't talk.

Sod all these attempts to rationalise it to him like he’s a child! Tell him that between the hours of X and Y you are at work and not to be interrupted. At all. You will be available for socialising during your lunch hour/break at Z o clock for 40 mins or whatever. Otherwise it needs to wait till you’ve finished work.

Just really clear and simple. If he’s a decent bloke then he would be able to comprehend that. If he persists in breaking those boundaries then you have a lack of respect in the relationship. That would be a major issue for me.

Imagine that:
The data on my screen are a list of numbers. My job is to add them all together and report the sum. I'm not able to use any tool for that, I have to do it in my head. Every distraction means I have to start from the beginning.

In the real world it's not just adding up numbers, but it is still about getting the whole thing to my head and deciding how to process it.

How long has he been currently between jobs OP?

Ok, so let's assume the best and he just doesn't get it. Although based on hour posts, it sounds like you've really tried to explain so I'm not entirely convinced best case scenario is realistic.

The answer here is very simple, and if he can't get it, then hyes, y ou're back to NOT best case scneario that he's really dumb, really controlling or just downright disrespectful:

• I get paid to work full time. Do you believe I am working or that I'm just sitting on my butt doing nothing and get paid money for nothing?
• You might not see or understand the exact nature of my job, but if you love and respect me, you will believe me when i tell you that while I might not look busy, I am, and that you interupting me is a big problem.
• My job might be different, but you interupting me when I'm working on a data process is no different to me insisting you stop and watch a video while you're midway through plastering a wall or moving a beam - it completely interupts the flow of work and can be downright counter productive.

He doesn't actually have to understand though. he has to believe you and respect you. and if he's not doing that, he's a dick.