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Original poster

Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH Part 2- Christmas Miracle

117 replies

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 19/12/2025 09:25

I posted the other day about my sons GF.

His dad had to go savage unfortunately. We had an episode where she told him he needed to quit his job on the evening of me posting my original post because she didn't like that there were women there.

He came down in tears again and my husband told him he either broke up with her or we would rent him a flat and he would need to move out as he we aren't going to watch him self implode and take no advice from us.

He blocked her on everything last night, was totally honest with us (was panicking as he had moaned to her about us and she has screenshots). We made it clear that if he didn't whinge about us as parents we would be shite parents anyway and dad said even if she sent us a message of him saying he hated us she would get a reply with a thumbs up and laughing emojis. We also managed to get her mums number and sent a polite yet firm whatsapp saying if she continues to harass him in anyway we will be contacting her local police department. We didn't read her reply as we blocked her before she finished typing.

Son is mad at himself, mad at her, had a couple of cries but has said he is mentally exhausted from it. His friend is coming over when he finishes work.

We have also arranged some counselling for the new year for some help with maybe self esteem and how to set boundaries in healthy relationships. He was so scared of her he was shaking after he sent a final message. Dad and I have been together since we were 18 so he is trying to get the same relationship basically which we had a long chat about how rare it is to still be together and he has plenty of time to meet people and decide who he wants to be with long term.

But thanks everyone for your advice it all got taken on board and ended up with the best result xxx

OP posts:
wizzywig · 19/12/2025 14:19

Keep your eyes open op xx
She may really ramp things up and/ or your sons mh may totally plummet with anxiety xx

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 14:17

FreeTheOakTree · 19/12/2025 14:10

I disagree, and what matters here is the result.

The son had involved them to the point they were worried sick, posting on here and looking up addresses online etc. He caused upset and panic by continuing to engage with this toxic woman, and his parents had had enough and literally said if he chooses to continue, he should do it elsewhere.

I applaud this approach, and I would take it with my own dc if ever needed.

Show quote history

It's completely fine not to agree. I just think there could be more fall out because he was forced to make the decision. And offering to rent a flat for someone making 2k a month and who could afford his own could actually have sent him straight on that plane to her - because if you are asking someone to move out - you'll be giving them their passport back surely?

He could unblock her tomorrow if he chooses - if she's got such a hold over him which she seems to it's entirely possible.

FreeTheOakTree · 19/12/2025 14:10

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 14:03

I didn't say you were awful parents. But you've effectively forced him to end this relationship because you told him that you would ask him to leave home if he didn't

Im just concerned that that might backfire on you at some point down the line. It's possible for people to make mistakes in relationships. Huge ones at 18 without being told that they have to leave home if they don't end a relationship.

I get that the relationship was horrible and toxic and I completely understand why you didn't want him to visit her. The decision needed to be his in my view - and you forced his hand by saying you would ask him to leave home if he didn't finish with her

Your son wasn't getting on that plane anyway - you've hidden his passport

Show quote history

I disagree, and what matters here is the result.

The son had involved them to the point they were worried sick, posting on here and looking up addresses online etc. He caused upset and panic by continuing to engage with this toxic woman, and his parents had had enough and literally said if he chooses to continue, he should do it elsewhere.

I applaud this approach, and I would take it with my own dc if ever needed.

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 14:03

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 19/12/2025 12:19

Well if that makes us awful parents then so be it. However my son is now not getting on a plane to a foreign country to meet a woman who's psychologically abusing him- so I'm fine with that.

Show quote history

I didn't say you were awful parents. But you've effectively forced him to end this relationship because you told him that you would ask him to leave home if he didn't

Im just concerned that that might backfire on you at some point down the line. It's possible for people to make mistakes in relationships. Huge ones at 18 without being told that they have to leave home if they don't end a relationship.

I get that the relationship was horrible and toxic and I completely understand why you didn't want him to visit her. The decision needed to be his in my view - and you forced his hand by saying you would ask him to leave home if he didn't finish with her

Your son wasn't getting on that plane anyway - you've hidden his passport

Balloonhearts · 19/12/2025 13:59

OneCheeryGoldMoose · 19/12/2025 09:30

He showed us messages where he was saying he had had enough and she was threatening to kill herself, sending pictures and all sorts so he was having a massive panic attack about if she did anything as well.

Show quote history

Best thing to do is send police round if she's threatening suicide. They'll do a welfare check and she won't try that shit again.

Soony · 19/12/2025 13:49

Well done @OneCheeryGoldMoose . That's a parenting challenge and a half.

We had a slightly similar but much tamer issue when DS was 16.He was a very young and immature 16. He met a girl on a family holiday and decided he was going to visit her. She was not from the UK. He was going to fly off alone to a strange city to stay with her. I never believed for a minute he was actually invited by her family and I insisted that I would only consider it if the parents called me to invite him and talk through the arrangements. Of course they never did.

IleSolitude · 19/12/2025 13:43

Fantastic parenting! And a great outcome, I'm so relieved for you (also glad you've still got his passport).

I can only assume that anyone criticizing the way you handled this hasn't read the earlier thread.

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 19/12/2025 13:31

I’m so relieved to read this update OP, you and your DH sound like amazing parents.

blankcanvas3 · 19/12/2025 13:21

So glad he’s blocked her. I hope he manages to have a good Christmas and finds a lovely girlfriend who lives round the corner next year xx

Theoscargoesto · 19/12/2025 13:12

I’m late to the thread but maybe asking him to sit with you and looking at what domestic abuse charities or Childline say about healthy relationships would be a place for him to start reflecting. But I’m a counsellor for a children’s charity and honestly, your son isn’t alone in being drawn in to something in this way. I wonder if there are any (but am not aware of any) resources for those drawn in, because it is a form of abuse.

notafraidofthebigbadwolf · 19/12/2025 13:11

You are fab parents x

Motomum23 · 19/12/2025 13:07

Well done OP - so many people forget that teenage boys can be just as sensitive and at risk of controlling relationships and heartbreak. Hope your DS is able to have a calm Christmas xx

tara66 · 19/12/2025 13:04

''The scales have fallen from his eyes'' -
as the old biblical saying goes - hopefully.
His thoughts need to be diverted to new people and activities - good Xmas is here. Well done.

WearyAuldWumman · 19/12/2025 12:58

Kudos to you and your DH, OP.

Iamnotalemming · 19/12/2025 12:51

God what a relief that must be OP. Well done. I hope you all have a good Christmas and your DS doesn't dwell on this stuff.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 19/12/2025 12:51

You are great parents! I'm glad you updated.

An ex boyfriend of mine was in a relationship like this and ended up marrying the woman. He didn't see his parents for 15 years, she wouldn't let him, threatened to kill herself etc. Everyone ended up so wounded.

I think people often think of coercive control as a male thing, but when women do it to men there's the added element of men thinking they have to be the protector.

AussieManque · 19/12/2025 12:43

That's great, thanks for the update.

As well as counselling, how about a Christmas gift of something that could get him out of the house and meeting real life people? Like a subscription to a hobby group or similar?

KittyFinlay · 19/12/2025 12:33

I've read your posts on thread 1 and whilst it's great you've disentangled him from this relationship, I think it's highly likely with his current attitude, he'll walk straight back into one.

Lots of young people hope eventually for marriage and a family but he's literally just out of childhood. Most 18 year old girls are going to be very put off by a boy wanting to make her a SAHM and have babies, and many of the girls who go for that at such a young age are going to be a bit psycho. The vast majority of 18 yos don't even know what they want to do with their lives and a boy who has a domestic path all planned out for them isn't appealing.

Right now, he should put aside plans for death-do-us-part and babies and focus on meeting someone who he likes and clicks with and a few years down the line he can start having the discussion about how the person he loves sees their life going.

REP22 · 19/12/2025 12:32

I'm so relieved to read your updates @OneCheeryGoldMoose - I read the earlier threads but didn't post, it sounded really, really worrying.

You and your OH have handled it brilliantly. Your DS is really lucky to have such great parents. I hope you can all have a happy and relaxing Christmas together and that the turmoil keeps well away. Best wishes to you. x

Original poster
OneCheeryGoldMoose · 19/12/2025 12:24

CharlotteLightandDark · 19/12/2025 11:41

Good work OP! She won’t harm herself but if she did it would be because of her own mental vulnerabilities which way predate your son’s ’relationship’ with her.

but yes be prepared for some panicked backtracking from him over the next few days, luckily Christmas will have lots of distractions for you all.

Thank you, yeah we did have this conversation last night. His dad really just went logical with it and said if you're that panicked we will call her local police with the screenshots of her saying it and get a welfare call out. He then proceeded to tell us she had done it multiple times, so we had a chat about how suicide works- and it's not people who aren't getting their own way telling everyone their plans in an attempt to guilt trip.

That calmed him down slightly. x

OP posts:
Original poster
OneCheeryGoldMoose · 19/12/2025 12:21

StartupRepair · 19/12/2025 11:34

Well done and what a great outcome. I would put the passport safely somewhere slightly inaccessible so if he has a wobble and decides he needs to fly to her there will be a built in delay.

Yeah we still have the passport for now. We did tell him we have taken it and his birth certificate until any wobbles are over and he said yes please do, so we all know where we are. x

OP posts:
KarriTreeSullivan · 19/12/2025 12:20

Oh, what a relief! Well done OP and all your family, what a lucky young man he is, having you all there for him, what a lovely family. I hope he gets some good counselling and you all get to enjoy Christmas together, the poor lad.

Original poster
OneCheeryGoldMoose · 19/12/2025 12:19

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 10:44

I think that's a bit off as well. More than a bit off.

Show quote history

Well if that makes us awful parents then so be it. However my son is now not getting on a plane to a foreign country to meet a woman who's psychologically abusing him- so I'm fine with that.

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 19/12/2025 12:16

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 10:44

I think that's a bit off as well. More than a bit off.

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@Roobarbtwo

why? I think she was just being honest with him. He is an adult afterall

Shufflebumnessie · 19/12/2025 12:14

I'm so pleased you finally got him to see that it was an unhealthy, toxic relationship, and that he was comfortable enough to have an honest outpouring of emotions with you.
I really hope the counselling is beneficial for your DS.

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