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Original poster

Would this p*ss you off or am I being dramatic (Dh work do)

129 replies

worriedmum8686 · 19/12/2025 00:55

Will try and keep this short

DH was on his work do last night and at the weekend out with friends (both nights all men and all married).

The night with friends he only stayed out until 8pm as we were going on a trip with the kids the next day but when he got home his phone was going mad as we watched a film and it was messages from the men out saying how they had got in with a group of women from a different city and how unreal they were. They also sent in videos of them all dancing and in the first video my DH was in it but with his back to the girls. There were some of the friend group not out so the friend sending in the videos was doing it to make them 'jealous' of these stunning girls. Ask DH and he said he didn't speak to the girls just had his drink on their table was in that bar a half hour before he left (which rings true).

then last night work do all married men. DH stupidly drunk when he got home...then the phone started going again and it was his work mate apologising for leaving him as he had went to a hotel with a woman. Now this man is married. He then texted DH and said 'you'll be disappointed but I couldn't follow through even thought she tried'

I asked him about it this morning and he said he wasn't talking to this girl and her friend and his work mate is his own man and can make his own decisions. Now I don't care if he talks to women on nights out and he is very sociable but he denies he does and that just bothers me because why lie. I also was really cross that to me he didn't call his friend out on cheating on his wife. It's just made me feel really uneasy where is his moral compass.

I then had a look at his phone tonight and he texted the other work mate and said the girls friend was definitely looking into him but he told her he was married so that made her want him even more (apparently he didn't speak to her) so he left to get a taxi because the other work mate left to go to hotel with the other woman...confronted him with this and he said it was just bravado he wasn't interested in the girl. Then he admitted his friend kissed the other girl in front of him and I asked him why he didn't tell him he was being a dick.

I can't even let this guys wife know as I don't know her and have no way to contact her. I'm so pissed off with DH that his moral compass to me is way off and I don't see why he can't admit to chatting to women if it is just innocent.

I think I just need a rant

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 19/12/2025 01:29

I cannot stand hypocrisy and DH and this guy have repeatedly had conversations about another guy in the work place being a cheater and how they never would blah blah blah. Then this guy is out cheating on a random Wednesday night. I said to DH why are you OK with X doing it but criticised Y for doing it. DH and this guy aren't overly close they would never be friends only they work together. This guys wife is also showing signs of sever depression which he complains to DH about then goes and does that on her. I get DH not wanting to call him out but to text the next day joking about cheating with the guy has just really annoyed me.

My DH could talk to a wall if it spoke back to him so I don't for one second believe he wasn't speaking to any of these girls. He's a joker and thinks he's hilarious when drinking. My problem is just lying about it if there's nothing in it then why cover it up

OP posts:
CrazyGoatLady · 19/12/2025 01:22

The work mates sound immature, sexist and gross. Filming women dancing on a night out (wondering if they knew/consented) to send round their mates is a dick move. I'd have the ick about the "bravado" texts too. They are too old to be behaving like some caricature out of a 90s lad mag.

Most married guys out on the lash tend to think other women are looking at them far more favourably than they are. My close female colleagues for sure give all the married sleazeballs a very wide berth on work nights out, but these total douchebags think we're all desperate to do the nasty with them in exchange for a few free drinks. Yuck.

Being friends with some of the married sleazebag brigade aside, if what he says is true, he told her he was married and he got in a taxi by himself, as you'd expect. As for whether he was talking to these girls or not, he may have had a brief chat but not extended conversation like his friend.

Interfering in a work colleague's relationship or reading him the riot act over cheating is not appropriate in a work context. Maybe if both husband and wife worked there and it put DH in a difficult position, that would be different, but I'm assuming he doesn't know the wife. It's not the same as if it's a close personal friend, it has potential ramifications for the workplace to get involved and he's probably right in this case to stay out of it, unfortunately. I've known about so many workplace flings, ill advised Christmas do hook ups and affairs in my time, I just try to stay out of things that aren't my business and keep things friendly and professional at work.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 19/12/2025 01:17

It was fuck all to do with your DH to call the other bloke out
The other bloke is an adult and can do all the dumb shit he wants

I suspect he also lies about talking to women because you might say you are OK with it but you wouldn't actually be...

Kimura · 19/12/2025 01:14

How close are your DH and this guy? If they're best pals outside of work, lifelong friends, he knows the wife etc, I'd have expected him to have had a word.

But if they're just workmates, he's right: It's the other guy's mistake to make and your DH likely doesn't want to cause issues at work by having a go at him on a night out.