Page 4 | Would this p*ss you off or am I being dramatic (Dh work do)

PoppyWarrior · 19/12/2025 07:14

Your poor DH.

You're coming across as insecure and insanely jealous.

So have I got this right? You've check every single message on his phone, and read them as they get delivered.

What does he do just meekly hand it over to you when a text comes in?

He's been out twice over Christmas? Once with mates and once on a work do? But he came home at 8pm when he went out with friends, because he was taking kids out next day? Eight fucking pm???

I can guess who gave him the 8pm curfew!!!

Did you text him constantly on his night out too for updates on what he was doing?

And now he's getting it in the ear because of something his mates have done. Despite doing nothing himself!???

Well done OP you've achieved what you wanted, he'll think twice about ever going out without you again.

Edit I see we crossed post and have now read that he has history from 5 years ago. And you don’t read all his texts.

But OP your marriage is dead in the water if you don’t get some marriage counselling. I suspect you will just escalate. Not good for you, your kids or your husband. :(

Original poster

worriedmum8686 · 19/12/2025 07:13

yes there would be trust issues as he has never physically cheated (I think) but there has been a lot of messaging other women including his ex at the beginning of our marriage. We had just had two kids in a short space of time and any time he got drunk he always messaged someone. Tbh I thought I was over all this but clearly I am not. This was five years ago and there has been nothing since the last time five years ago so I don't know why this weekend has got my back up. Also I didn't originally check his phone we were sitting watching a film and he was reading his phone sitting beside me I looked at it while lying beside him. Then that got my back up and I will admit after I did check which I shouldn't have

OP posts:

NoisyViewer · 19/12/2025 07:09

OnlyReplyToIdiots · 19/12/2025 06:54

If the genders were reversed… and someone posted their husband had been snooping on their phone, and they were livid as one of her married female colleagues cheated on a work night out this thread would be full of LTB

Oh yes & they’ll still question if he did actually say he was married despite the evidence being there. Some people do like to make their own version of events up

Soontobe60 · 19/12/2025 07:08

Your DH isn’t responsible for his work colleagues behaviour. Stop scrolling through his phone - it’s stalker behaviour. Dancing in a bar where there will be - shock horror - people of the opposite sex dancing does not make him an unfaithful partner.

MsSquiz · 19/12/2025 07:07

@worriedmum8686why do you check his phone?

NoisyViewer · 19/12/2025 07:05

Makemeanonymous · 19/12/2025 03:45

Sorry OP but it's not clear from your post as to whether the group of friends he was out with that were sending him videos of the beautiful women they were with after he had gone home were married men/ in relationships or whether they were single guys? If they were single guys they sound incredibly childish. If they were married or in relationships then it sounds not acceptable behaviour.

As for the work colleague. It wasn't up to your H to police his behaviour. But him condoning it by joking about it would make me wonder about his own views on cheating.

Edited

The fact he was quick to say I’m married & obviously gives her unfettered access to his phone even after already being in the doghouse for what was on there I don’t believe are the actions of a or a would be cheat

Springtimehere · 19/12/2025 07:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hairyfairy01 · 19/12/2025 07:03

You clearly don’t trust your DH so your relationship is as good as dead. It is not normal to be checking your DH phone. That said I would be seriously wondering why your DH would be ‘disappointed’ that his work mate couldn’t go through with it, that sounds odd to me.

Dgll · 19/12/2025 07:03

The messages are a bit low grade, but you married the guy, so surely you know what he is like. You can't control your partner's thoughts and actions so stop looking at his phone. You can leave him if you don't like him but that would be rather extreme in these circumstances.

PersephoneParlormaid · 19/12/2025 07:01

OnlyReplyToIdiots · 19/12/2025 06:54

If the genders were reversed… and someone posted their husband had been snooping on their phone, and they were livid as one of her married female colleagues cheated on a work night out this thread would be full of LTB

Well if she doesn’t trust him, she might as well.

Boomer55 · 19/12/2025 07:01

Stop looking at his phone and involving yourself about what his friend might be doing. Not your business. 🤷‍♀️

Chiseltip · 19/12/2025 06:57

worriedmum8686 · 19/12/2025 00:55

Will try and keep this short

DH was on his work do last night and at the weekend out with friends (both nights all men and all married).

The night with friends he only stayed out until 8pm as we were going on a trip with the kids the next day but when he got home his phone was going mad as we watched a film and it was messages from the men out saying how they had got in with a group of women from a different city and how unreal they were. They also sent in videos of them all dancing and in the first video my DH was in it but with his back to the girls. There were some of the friend group not out so the friend sending in the videos was doing it to make them 'jealous' of these stunning girls. Ask DH and he said he didn't speak to the girls just had his drink on their table was in that bar a half hour before he left (which rings true).

then last night work do all married men. DH stupidly drunk when he got home...then the phone started going again and it was his work mate apologising for leaving him as he had went to a hotel with a woman. Now this man is married. He then texted DH and said 'you'll be disappointed but I couldn't follow through even thought she tried'

I asked him about it this morning and he said he wasn't talking to this girl and her friend and his work mate is his own man and can make his own decisions. Now I don't care if he talks to women on nights out and he is very sociable but he denies he does and that just bothers me because why lie. I also was really cross that to me he didn't call his friend out on cheating on his wife. It's just made me feel really uneasy where is his moral compass.

I then had a look at his phone tonight and he texted the other work mate and said the girls friend was definitely looking into him but he told her he was married so that made her want him even more (apparently he didn't speak to her) so he left to get a taxi because the other work mate left to go to hotel with the other woman...confronted him with this and he said it was just bravado he wasn't interested in the girl. Then he admitted his friend kissed the other girl in front of him and I asked him why he didn't tell him he was being a dick.

I can't even let this guys wife know as I don't know her and have no way to contact her. I'm so pissed off with DH that his moral compass to me is way off and I don't see why he can't admit to chatting to women if it is just innocent.

I think I just need a rant

Why do you believe that men think like we do?

What has some random colleagues behaviour got to do with your DH?

Are you the relationship police?

This is all very strange.

OnlyReplyToIdiots · 19/12/2025 06:54

If the genders were reversed… and someone posted their husband had been snooping on their phone, and they were livid as one of her married female colleagues cheated on a work night out this thread would be full of LTB

MummaMummaMumma · 19/12/2025 06:49

Your husband has not done anything wrong. Why are you reading all his messages? That's not ok. Clearly you don't trust him.

Luxio · 19/12/2025 06:46

The worst behaviour going on here is OP going through her husband's messages. Stop invading his privacy, OP. None of your business.

This. Honestly it's horribly controlling behaviour and I'd be advising a friend to leave if they were in a relationship like yours where one partner was obsessively checking messages and interrogating them to this degree.

The only one being unreasonable here is you.

Baby2duejuly2026 · 19/12/2025 06:46

worriedmum8686 · 19/12/2025 01:53

The messages today he was joking about the guy cheating.

basically the girls name and asking did he get a mouthful of her...then asking him how his hangover was but not to worry it was definitely worth it and then saying how he made the other girl even more horny by saying he was married

Show quote history

basically the girls name and asking did he get a mouthful of her...then asking him how his hangover was but not to worry it was definitely worth it and then saying how he made the other girl even more horny by saying he was married

Ok, I don’t agree with phone checking. So stop that. But I’m going to go against the grain here and the other posters and say that I would be annoyed if DH was messaging his married mate or colleague egging him on about cheating on his wife, oh did you get a mouthful of her, bet it was worth it.

I cannot imagine for one minute, me a married woman speaking to my mate that’s cheated on her husband saying things like oh bet it was worth it, bet he was turned on by you being married. To be honest, I’d be horrified and wouldn’t want to get involved. If anything I would probably be telling her to re think her actions as she’s MARRIED.

I personally would believe your DH didn’t do anything physically wrong or cheat on you but the fact he is openingly having banter and accepting it is what I think he did wrong. I wouldn’t be happy if my DH did this and I can see why you’re worried about his morals now

Pollqueen · 19/12/2025 06:43

wineosaurusrex · 19/12/2025 05:07

You're being ridiculous. It isnt your husbands responsibility to police the behaviour of friends and its not his fault if they do things they shouldn't!

This. Poor bloke, I can see why he doesn't tell you. It's not his job to police his colleagues' behaviour and you are being really controlling and obsessive, unreasonably so

HelmholtzWatson · 19/12/2025 06:42

Routinely reading your partners phone really is the lowest and very controlling. If I found my partner was doing this, I would strongly consider whether we had a future together.

gannett · 19/12/2025 06:35

The worst behaviour going on here is OP going through her husband's messages. Stop invading his privacy, OP. None of your business.

The two scenarios are pretty different. The night out with friends is immature but harmless to me (and your husband wasn't even there). The workmate was gross but you can't expect your husband to police his colleague's behaviour. Like, if that was his friend I might agree with you, and I'd be disturbed if DP's friendship group had that culture where cheating is just a joke, but absolutely no one wants to scold people they have to work with about their personal lives.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 19/12/2025 06:34

I’m not sure husband has done anything wrong. Also not sure why you are going through his phone and reading his messages.

disappearingfish · 19/12/2025 06:29

Fucking hell. men are gross. I’m so glad I’m an old hag and past all that nonsense.

OP, to answer your question, your H did nothing wrong apart from engage in some tacky, tasteless banter with his tacky, immature, sexist mates. On the scale of one to men, he seems relatively harmless.

Middlechild3 · 19/12/2025 06:22

Stop trying to police the actions of people who work for an employer you don't even work for, who are adults, who are responsible for their own conduct and actions. Its got nothing to do with you and you are seriously over invested.

Understand that talking to people of the opposite sex usually happens on drunken Chistmas dos, that not every woman wants to jump every man who speaks to her. That a bunch of drunk married men on a Christmas do approaching younger women aren't loves young dream.
You don't appear to trust your husband. The rest is absolutely nothing to do with you whether you agree with what's going on or not.

magicalmadmadamim · 19/12/2025 06:14

YABU and massively overreacting.
Its controlling behaviour and you are looking for something that isnt there.
Are you insecure?

Oblomov25 · 19/12/2025 06:12

Good grief your anxiety is ott. No one needs to look at someone else's messages, if there is trust.

liamharha · 19/12/2025 06:00

worriedmum8686 · 19/12/2025 00:55

Will try and keep this short

DH was on his work do last night and at the weekend out with friends (both nights all men and all married).

The night with friends he only stayed out until 8pm as we were going on a trip with the kids the next day but when he got home his phone was going mad as we watched a film and it was messages from the men out saying how they had got in with a group of women from a different city and how unreal they were. They also sent in videos of them all dancing and in the first video my DH was in it but with his back to the girls. There were some of the friend group not out so the friend sending in the videos was doing it to make them 'jealous' of these stunning girls. Ask DH and he said he didn't speak to the girls just had his drink on their table was in that bar a half hour before he left (which rings true).

then last night work do all married men. DH stupidly drunk when he got home...then the phone started going again and it was his work mate apologising for leaving him as he had went to a hotel with a woman. Now this man is married. He then texted DH and said 'you'll be disappointed but I couldn't follow through even thought she tried'

I asked him about it this morning and he said he wasn't talking to this girl and her friend and his work mate is his own man and can make his own decisions. Now I don't care if he talks to women on nights out and he is very sociable but he denies he does and that just bothers me because why lie. I also was really cross that to me he didn't call his friend out on cheating on his wife. It's just made me feel really uneasy where is his moral compass.

I then had a look at his phone tonight and he texted the other work mate and said the girls friend was definitely looking into him but he told her he was married so that made her want him even more (apparently he didn't speak to her) so he left to get a taxi because the other work mate left to go to hotel with the other woman...confronted him with this and he said it was just bravado he wasn't interested in the girl. Then he admitted his friend kissed the other girl in front of him and I asked him why he didn't tell him he was being a dick.

I can't even let this guys wife know as I don't know her and have no way to contact her. I'm so pissed off with DH that his moral compass to me is way off and I don't see why he can't admit to chatting to women if it is just innocent.

I think I just need a rant

Your husband seemingly did the right thing ,,that's your concern other people husbands and marriages are their concern especially if you are not close to them ,,can't expect your husband to police his work friends behaviour .