To go on sick leave from stressful job due to infertility?

Op, I’m really sorry that you have had replies from narrow minded bellends. Take the time off work if you need to. I’ve been going through IVF for years now and I’ve come to the conclusion that work don’t really give a shit about people. You are a number. This is your life. Focus on not being stressed and get through your fertility treatment as smoothly as possible.

Have you suffered from infertility? You post is extremely narrow minded. To be honest even if you haven’t suffered from infertility, your reply is nasty.. no two people cope the same.. and you couldn’t possibly know if the op is spiralling unnecessarily. Do better

Just pointing out that a low AMH has absolutely nothing to do with egg quality, it’s all to do with egg numbers. There is no test for egg quality. I say this from going through years of IVF.

If your prolactin is off the charts it has nothing to do with stress. The high prolactin may well be causing many of your symptoms and may be secondary to thyroid problems or the result of a benign pituitary tumour. Whichever it is I hope that you have had an urgent referral to an endocrinologist. They need to rule out pituitary disease because you have no chance of conceiving while it’s active.
Endometriosis is also associated with pituitary overactivity.

I would put your plans for a family on hold until your hormonal imbalance has been investigated and treated, if necessary.
As for taking time off work, it will have no effect on your general health. High prolactin causes lethargy and fatigue. Untreated your periods will stop as will ovulation. Even if you do ovulate the imbalance of hormones stops the uterus building up sufficient lining to sustain a pregnancy.

I was diagnosed with high prolactin in my early 20s. Then endo in my late 20s although the symptoms were there in my early 20s. I had to take meds for the prolactin problem until my late 50s when menopause sort of solved the issue. I had periods of time which were unmedicated when my prolactin returned to normal but I knew when it was creeping up because my weight would creep up and I would suffer with fatigue and lethargy. My libido would also dip.

You are on a slippery slope if you use it as an excuse to go on sick leave. Endometriosis and hormone imbalance may well mean that you take a long time to get pregnant. It’s a lonely and depressing process in the best of environments but spending 24/7 at home staring at four walls waiting to get pregnant would be soul destroying. We were ttc for 8yrs, had 5 miscarriages, without work I probably wouldn’t be here. Throughout my journey to parenthood work kept me sane.

Im really sorry for everything you are going through but I agree with your DH.

And - with all due respect - if you can't cope with 6 months of working full time without wanting to reduce hours/get signed off, to spend time on hobbies rather than saving for a house, I most certainly would not be having babies with you.

Sorry for everything your going through OP it may not be relevant to your hormonal situation but I did a hertility test as I was struggling to conceive, I had high prolactin also, I then figured out I had PCOS (you mentioned some symptoms that could also suggest PCOS) I took cOq10 for egg health, folic acid and good strength myo-inisitol along with other vitamins D etc, it really helped with all my pcos symptoms and I conceived around 4 months later. Apologies if this is unwelcome advice but it may be something to look into? Wishing you the best of luck x

Yabu, quit if you don’t want to work, you aren’t sick

It’s ok! Sorry you have been dealt the rubbish hand too. We will all be ok in the end.

That is true. Thank you for the additional insight and I'm truly sorry if I've mislead anyone or caused anxiety. I'm older and my AMH is said to be above average for someone my age, but then 4 out with fthe 5 embryos I got failed, so the losses were likely down to my age. It sucks. I'm not sure I'd have been able to have children in my 20s, sadly. Socio-economic reasons, mostly. But this isn't about me, this is about the OP and I will have her and anyone else struggling in this way in my prayers.

yabu- if you were working on a neonatal ward or in social services I would have sympathy.

You are working in a call centre - there is no physical or psychological trauma. If you don’t like your job then look for another as this will not help your career.

This isn’t the right job for you because (1) you can’t cope with the demands of this specific job (and who could blame you - death threats!) (2) you need greater flexibility for all the appointments you’re going to need (3) you need lower stress levels in your life if after 6 months of adult-style responsibilities and stressors you’re already wanting to go on sick leave. You’re discovering for the first time how you cope with regular things like work and troubling health news that are going to be part of your life from now on (and they’ll only get worse when you have DC to worry about on top of that too). Now you know. So either you find a new job that leaves you with more energy to cope with non-work issues, or you learn to cope better with non-work issues in this job and I don’t think going on temporary sick leave is going to give you that.

Also OP to answer your question, YANBU in my opinion. Your story has made me reflect on my own fertility journey and I remember the 1 year mark so well and how hard that felt. The disappointment month after month of it not happening. However a few things to think about.

1. getting a diagnosis from your bloods is a good thing.. you will no longer be left wondering why it hasn’t yet happened. There are surely medications they can give you to regulate your hormones. Has your doctor given you next steps?
2. as per my message further above please try not to fixate too much on the AMH. It may mean the eggs you have are fewer, however they will be good quality with your age and more likely to result in a healthy live birth than somebody older who has a higher AMH. (As age increases you get more aneuploid embryos)
3. i really recommend joining the infertility boards on MN for support if you have not, they are a friendly bunch and helpful.
4. if you do get signed off from work, (I say this from experience) it may just mean you then have more time to think about TTC which actually can make things feel worse. Work can be a good distraction. Can you focus your energies on finding a new job? Regardless of the infertility, your job sounds like it’s making you unhappy.

be kind to yourself and try not to panic… you are in the super early stages still of trying for a baby and there’s lots of medications and interventions that can help. Science is so so clever now! And you have age in your side.

Not to dismiss the impact of how upsetting the low AMH diagnosis is, OP, but in my experience this was true- I had 7 mature eggs collected which isn’t many for a woman in her early 30s, but got told their quality looked good. We ended up with 3 Day 5 embryos, with my DD being from a 5AA (the best grading) and another being 5AB (the next most optimal grade). Admittedly your AMH may limit how many embryos you would get during IVF but not necessarily what their quality would be at all 💕

You need to breathe. You've only been TTC for a year. Your mid 20s. You haven't been told you are infertile or that you'll never have children. It sounds like it might be a difficult road ahead but this really is the first hurdle.

I started TTC at 31 ish. I had years of fertility treatments. We tried for 2 years before seeing the GP. I had 6 cycles of chlomid with timed sex. I then had six cycles of IUI. Then 2 fresh cycles of ICSI and 6 frozen cycles. I spend over £40k on treatment. I had my first at 40 (my last embryo) and my 2nd at 42. I've been there. I know how hard it is.

I want to make a few suggestions if that's okay. Things that helped me.

I had excellent fertility counselling. I was great to have a space to share and vent with someone external.

Acupuncture literally saved my life. I coped with life because of my weekly acupuncture sessions.

I changed my diet. If you can afford it go organic. Eating organic, minimises your exposure to added hormones and hormone mimicking chemicals.

Exercise was really helpful. It releases endorphins and helps with energy.

If you do end up having ivf Asda pharmacy don't profit on fertility drugs. My first round of ivf was very expensive because I got the medication via the fertility clinic. Future rounds were much less because I got a private prescription for fee from the clinic and got everything except progesterone oil from Asda because it was cheaper.

Personally, I'd keep the job and step up the self care. Treatment is expensive and all encompassing. I did all of my treatment while working FT in a secondary school with 1200 students. Honestly, it was hard but also good distraction. Although, I must say the school did give me unpaid leave for all my private treatment and paid leave for my NHS treatment.

I’ve been on the IVF train for years and do not believe AMH is linked to egg quality OP. I was told it’s just a measurement for them to assess how many eggs you are likely to retrieve during IVF. It has no bearing on natural conception. People with a high AMH tend to get lots of eggs on an IVF egg retrieval and a lower AMH you would have less eggs on an egg retrieval. However your egg quality will be good due to your age and quality is far, far better than quantity (said as someone who has had 8 IVF cycles). How low was the AMH?

Hi OP, I just wanted to come on to say that I absolutely do not think YABU, and I think it is very apparent that a large majority of the users posting here haven’t had any first hand experience of fertility issues themselves and frankly don’t understand just how horrific TTC/infertility can be. I am now lucky enough to have a 2 month old DD conceived from IVF, and although our primary diagnosis ended up being male factor, I also had low AMH which complicated things more.

If I had not been there myself, I would never have anticipated how utterly horrendous the shock of the AMH diagnosis would be for me. I was only 30 at the time, and trying to get my head around, a) What AMH even was & what this diagnosis meant, and b) The concept of feeling that I was suddenly on borrowed time to ever be a mum (in a societal context where 30 year olds are usually told they have all the time in the world!) was really hard. I can only imagine that having endo on top of that makes things even harder, with all the day to day suffering that can bring.

I was a primary school teacher (teaching EYFS/Nursery) when I first received my diagnosis; and to make matters worse it was Mothers’ Day that week, so the idea of having to make cards etc with the children just broke my heart quite frankly. I know you will be in a similar position with us being so close to Christmas now. I self certified sick for that week and really did benefit from that time to take stock of things, begin to come to terms with next steps and plan for them (researching clinics etc.) I think another thing that people here are really underestimating is just how time consuming infertility is. In my experience, even with eventually finding a great consultant, I had to advocate for myself heavily and do a lot of research to advance our treatment. It became like a second job at times, and you’re absolutely correct that being in a job like call centre work, teaching, healthcare etc doesn’t begin to compare to a WFH or hybrid role where you may still be experiencing your share of workplace stress, but can at least take 5 minutes to answer important calls or send a vital email.

In the end, I did realise that- for me- IVF and teaching wouldn’t be compatible, with that decision cemented by my Head saying that I had just had a week off so couldn’t complain about my designated planning time (which is supposed to be standard/protected for all teachers) being taken away from me when I came back! In that moment, I realised what a few other people here have also been saying; that it really is on you to protect your own wellbeing/mental health at what is such a difficult time, because precious few workplaces will do that for you, and the majority frankly don’t care.

So I left teaching for a still fairly stressful but primarily WFH role 5 months before we started IVF and found this an absolute game changer. Of course, in my position I had the school holidays at my disposal to look for a new job. In your shoes, I would definitely take the time off to do this because you really need to make sure that the job will offer the increased flexibility you need to make sure you are not going out of the frying pan into the fire.

One last thought I have had is that, while your partner is of course entitled to disagree with you, it really doesn’t sound as if he is actually being very supportive at what is an incredibly difficult time for you, and that is something he should be making an effort to do. When you are hopefully parenting together in the future (which, as others have said, it really does sound as if you have a great chance of doing 💕), you won’t agree on everything, and there are certain things (like birth plans, feeding preferences etc) where he will need to recognise that, as the baby’s mother whose these things will affect most, your vote actually has to count for a bit more than his. This seems comparable to me since you are the one having to deal with the trauma of this diagnosis, the daily discomfort of endometriosis and- if it comes to it- the impact of IVF/fertility treatment too. It’s so much to take in and I hope he reflects on that at his end.

In reference to the comments that have been made about needing to pause TTC due to your mental state at the moment, I personally think that is an absolute load of rubbish if (like me) your difficulty lies in being in the situation of infertility rather than in general MH difficulties. Since having my DD, my mental health has never been better despite the usual newborn trenches, a C Section recovery etc. I was depressed purely because of worrying I would never have a child and while my life obviously has its challenges now, nothing at all I experience now ever makes me feel anywhere near as low I did while TTC. If I had waited until I felt better before doing IVF, I would have been waiting forever and would never have had the life which is bringing me so much joy now!

Sending you a huge hug and got everything crossed next year will bring you your baby one way or another. Last year I was at the lowest point of my life and could never have imagined how things would change; there is so much hope and I really hope it all works out for you soon.

Bad idea OP.

I think it’s a bit early to be signed off. It’s your first job! Work is tough. Infertility is tough. I had multiple miscarriages and failed IVF so had a bit of sick leave to take. I did go part time to four days and that helped with appointments and work life balance. Have a few days off with a cold or something routine. Go back. Get Xmas out of the way. Start some meditation or exercise for stress relief. There is a huge about that can be done for fertility difficulties. What is your AMH? Have you had an HSG? Or HyCoSy?

Oh you wouldn't believe all the dark thoughts I had when people at my work went off on maternity leave. Even doing the weekly shop and seeing newborns and young families, I was on the verge of snapping. The devastation is awful. I know how it is. If you need to talk to me about the way you're feeling, my PMs are open. I guarantee that I've been in those emotionally dark places.

It will be much better to try for a baby when you have a job you like, and it's always easier to find a job if you're already in a job. Leaving your first job after only being there six months and ten going off sick is not going to look good. Stick it out, use your time off to reduce your days as you suggested and start looking for something else after Christmas. Forget getting pregnant right now and give yourself some time to process everything you've been told.

Find a job you like and get your mental health in a good place - then you will be in a much better place to focus on having a baby.

Sorry you're having a tough time, fertility issues are not fun.
I worked in a crappy call centre job for years so we could get financially stable while TTC, it was crap but needed to be done. It took us years TTC due to fertility issues PCOS & HYPOTHYROIDISM), along with recurrent miscarriage. I kept working and we kept trying, and had fertility tests and were due to start fertility treatment in 2022, but I then got, and stayed, pregnant with our daughter. She's now 3 years old, we also went on to have another daughter (conceived very quickly after our first!), who is now 2 years old.
This is your first proper full time job, they generally suck but you can't bail out when the going gets tough. TTC is also tough for some, and having a baby is very stressful, and so is buying a house. Your partner is right, you do need to toughen up, life is hard at times but you can't just run away and hide when it does. I've had lots if hard things happen to me as a teenager and adult, and I ran and hid. As I've grown up, I realised you can't do that and I've faced my problems and dealt with them better.
Your 6 months in, going on sick isn't going to look good. Stick it out, look elsewhere in the meantime and relax on your downtime. If it really gets to much in a few months then talk with your partner then.
Remember, everyones fertility journey is different. It's a journey, not a race. It will happen when it's meant to 😊

I think if you’re feeling upset, vulnerable and panicky then being in a public facing role (albeit on the phone) actually is difficult. I’m a vet so some things we deal with are life and death, but I see the receptionists also have really high levels of stress, often being the first contact with customers and often being treated with less respect. Call centre staff aren’t robots but people often treat them like they are and forget that they have feelings and are trying to help.

If you do have a decent sick policy, it may be worth taking a week or two off with stress. Infertility can bring about a form of grief and it is a lot for you to process. But I wouldn’t jeopardise your job at this stage, the maternity package could be really helpful and unemployment would be far more stressful.

also I am another one who had thyroid problems, had secondary infertility but got there in the end with the right dose of thyroxine and a few cycles of clomid. Your age is also on your side.

I think you need to stick it out and find more coping strategies for the stress. Your job might be stressful, but not having enough money or being able to find another job is also stressful. You’re still young and have plenty of time to try treatments for ttc?