To go on sick leave from stressful job due to infertility?

Firstly do you qualify for sick pay? I have no sick pay at my job.

secondly as someone has been through infertility and ivf it’s long it’s hard and it’s exhausting and could be going on for a number of years.

I think you need to work on reducing stress and looking for a new job and being in it long enough to qualify for maternity leave before you thinking about ivf. You’re still young and do have time on your side.

Of course- my heart goes out to you, because personal/specific details aside, I could have written your post this time last year and really do feel I understand where you are coming from 💕

If you can, please do try and ignore some of the less helpful responses you have had here and don’t take them to heart. Like a PP has said, it is really quite shocking just how unkind some people will be to strangers on the internet who are obviously struggling and in pain. You really do wonder whether they would say any of this to your face if they knew you IRL; as well as why they choose to post such harsh responses when they could just say nothing and move on to another thread! Much like most aspects of parenting, TTC is definitely an area where you have to hold on to the advice that serves you and disregard what doesn’t, because everyone’s circumstances are different and what’s the right path for one person won’t be for another; sometimes to the extent that two perfectly valid pieces of advice are actually mutually exclusive with each other!

I second the advice you have received that it’s always worth posting on the Infertility board if you would like any more support in future (emotional or logistical/medical)- there is a wealth of knowledge on there as well as a community of women who really understand the difficulty of long TTC journeys rather than just telling you to ‘get on with it’ from their own position of fertility privilege! I was mostly a lurker on those threads but they really did help me along the way even so.

I’m wishing you all the luck in the world and really hope 2026 brings you everything you are hoping for ❤️ I hope you manage to find some peace/happiness this Christmas too despite what a tough time you are having at the moment.

I think be prepared for your company to say no op. Just because a policy says supportive doesn’t mean they will, it will be down to do they have the resources to cover you for that day, they hired a full time person as that’s what they needed, so it is down to business need.

i wouldn’t conflate the two issues, hating your job and your personal life and use this as a means to get out, start looking for a new job in the new year, if this ine isn’t working for you, then 4 days a week won’t change that.

but I do want you to be realistic here and not think it’s an automatic yes, it is far from that,

I am 35 no kids and experiencing fertility issues as well, but it’s not a good enough reason to get signed off from work in my opinion. You are young and you have plenty of time. You need to prioritise getting a house. Maybe hold off ttc for a while and look for a new job. Also consider therapy.

@RightSheSaid I'm so glad you eventually had your daughter, after going through so much. You're an inspiration.

A 4-day week is a great option OP.

Your initial post was clearly written from a place of distress/low point, and your solution might have been a bit too radical and emotional but I can’t believe the number of damning responses on this thread. Too many people comment on threads not to share any useful insight or support someone but to make themselves feel better by putting someone down. What a nice and easy fix when you can do this anonymously online.

Posters suggesting that if you can’t handle your job while processing the infertility news, how would you be able to have kids and work, have clearly never struggled with infertility.

I'm saying this kindly OP but YABU.
My husband and I had years TTC and have been very fortunate having our son via IVF.
I also found my first FT job after uni working in a bank much more stressful than I anticipated. It took me 4 years to realise how unhappy and stressed I was, I then got a new job in a call centre working for Social Care so whilst I still had the high calls and calls times/breaks/toilet breaks monitored, at least the content was interesting. I then progressed to community roles in Social Care and OT which I love and it was during my OT job I had the IVF.
A call centre would be a difficult job to have during IVF but you're still young abd nay not need it. Try and keep things in perspective, continue working and save money and you will find another job. Manage your tine well at weekends doing hobbies and make sure you have some time for wellbeing after work. Google 5 Ways to Wellbeing. TTC is tough on men too so try and make time for fun and date nights. Talk to your friends. Take care x

OP you are trying to do it all at once. Save for a house, start a career and start a fertility journey. No wonder you are totally overwhelmed. These are all huge life events and I am glad you are going to apply for flexible working as a start.
Noone can do it all at once. Despite what the influencers suggest. And you are mid 20s you have time to slow down the pace at which you are trying to do all of this. I have had many periods in my life where I took in too much and essentially came to a grounding halt. Had to step back and prioritise to maintain any happiness. You don't 'need' all these things to happen at once.
Wishing you the best in figuring it all out.

Im actually shocked at the YABU responses. My advice OP, go off sick, get your head straight and on your return ask for wednesdays off

You only have one life and I always tell people it takes about 6 months-year to settle into new jobs especially new ones. I remember working in an office and could only hack 4 months and ended up going back to a different job and was so much happier. If you genuinely hate it - dont quit as I don't feel job market it rubbish atm but go off sick and have a look round. See how you feel. Im so sorry - I couldnt cope with the bad news either and it would send me spiralling.

You owe no one an explanation as to why your mental health is suffering and like other people have said you will be just a number. Go off sick enjoy xmas and new year and start fresh end of Jan after a month off to deal with news and clear you head

Word of advice though - I haven't met anyone who isnt nervous about going back to work after time off/annual leave even. The first day back nerves are so normal so dont over think them.

tbh I probably would take some sick leave in these circus but only for a week or two rather than months. I don’t see why you would have to take indefinite sick leave rather than do that? A doctor is unlikely to sign you off for months at time anyway.

The op isn’t sick, she doesn’t like her job. She says she is considering getting signed off to look for a new job in a couple of months. It’s her first ‘proper job’. Hardly great work ethics being shown.

I fully understand how hard infertility is, but it isn’t justification for being off sick in the OP’s circumstances.

You probably just need some help dealing with the journey to motherhood and the losses you experienced along the way. Good idea to seek CBT. And also - give yourself a break - my rule is I only expect myself to be a "good-enough" mother as the pressure to be perfect will do more harm than good.

Good for you! Glad you managed to cope through it without sick days! Not everyone is you though!!

I don’t think this job is for you so try to find something else.Could you potentially find something more flexible, self employed maybe ?
Have you considered something like cleaning / girl Friday / after school childcare etc ?
Might be some better ideas , something where you are working face to face maybe.
Good luck

Do you plan to work when you have children or are you hoping to be a sahm?

I have two older teenagers now and have worked full-time since my first was born (I had less than 11 months maternity leave for both of them, lots of people have less than that!). It is a long, hard slog I can assure you. I understand you are upset about your fertility but what will you do when life inevitably hits another bump in the road?

You will at some point face bereavement, job losses, financial concerns, health issues, family drama, kids upset at school, friendship issues etc. The list is endless and you won't get far if your plan is to go off sick and do your hobbies every time the going gets tough.

The job market is saturated at the moment with young, university educated people looking for work. This is the exact reason companies are wary of employing them. You should only go off sick if you are sick, wanting to spend time baking is not a reason to go off sick, I would also argue being upset about something is not a reason to go on the sick.

If you genuinely can't function at work (worrying in itself after 6 months at your one and only full time job) then of course you should go off sick but you shouldn't be ttc during this time as a baby certainly won't improve your mental health.

I think you need to listen to your DH.

I don’t think the OP is saying that she is struggling with her MH directly due to the call centre job, the core issue is the impact/fear of her infertility diagnosis (as evidenced by the fact that she has consistently been a high performer, so obviously managing well until she got this news). It was exactly the same for me, I coped absolutely fine with the daily pressures of teaching for many years until my personal life imploded due to TTC, and I resigned within the year from a job I thought I would be doing forever. Sometimes, the job is just the ‘cherry on the cake’ of a broader situation you are struggling to cope with, but the only thing that is actually within your control to change.

I appreciate that you have clearly been on your own fertility journey, and that everyone’s experiences are different, but personally I have found having a newborn infinitely easier (and a lot more fulfilling!) than trudging through infertility combined with a triggering, stressful job, at what is an immensely difficult time of year for anyone wishing for a baby of their own.

There is nothing in OP’s post history to make me think she isn’t ready to make an amazing mum- not least because she has saved such a staggering sum of money in such a short period of working full time. I wish I had your financial acumen, OP, and PPs are definitely right that it will stand you in great stead for the future and hopefully imminent mat leave etc 💐

Not the point of the post but are you working 8-6.30 5 days a week? That’s nuts. 50
hours a week?

or is some of that overtime

I was just thinking if you are working those sorts of hours surely that would be across 4 days not 5. But then you mention going down to 4 days. If you really are working 50 hours a week then yes you should apply to work 80%.

I wouldn’t be going off sick from this job so I can sit at home all day doing nothing. I’d probably take a few weeks to de-compress and engage in my hobbies (cooking, baking, getting out in the countryside and hiking) and relax, book in some of the appointments I need to etc, and then start looking for another job.

That’s not what sick leave is for! That’s what happens when you quit, assuming you can afford to do so

I think you need to stick at your job, at least for now.

if it helps at all I was diagnosed with underactive thyroid when ttc. Since getting the medication right, which is about 14 years now, it’s all been fine. I got pregnant naturally around the same time the medication stabilised it and got pregnant very easily the second time. Endo is very tough going but thyroid issues are very much manageable.

Op, with kindess, if you can’t manage the stress of your call centre job how are you going to function with a child and a job. Maybe two children .

honestly give your head a wobble. Start thinking about job security and looking for a new job that fits your needs.

for what it’s worth I had incredibly low AMH and following hormone treatment I went on to conceive three children naturally. Good luck with your journey.

I feel like you’ve had some quite harsh responses here. I totally understand how difficult this can be mentally, when I was in my early 20’s I wasn’t actively trying to conceive but having lots of issues with my periods and had some testing around that. I was told that I wasn’t ovulating, would need testing to confirm why, and it was likely I’d need fertility treatment to have a baby. I was totally devastated, because I longed for a family more than anything.

I came off contraception and ended up getting pregnant much more quickly than expected which was a relief. At the time I was working in hospitality, taking as much overtime as I could and clocking in 60 hours a week in busy times. We hadn’t bought a house yet and were still renting. I now have two children and am 28.

Offering another perspective here - if I were you I would try and really focus on your job as a distraction mentally and push for progression, be proactive, explain you’re keen to progress, ask to be sent on any courses you can. In my personual experience, as I progressed into management while there is more responsibility there tends to be less customer facing/grunt work and it’s more mentally stimulating. If you are a top performer you are in good stead. Once you have a promotion you can apply for other companies or industries entirely especially if you have management experience. I ended up moving industries and now do something totally different with incredibly family friendly hours. However I wouldn’t have been considered for that role if it weren’t for the management experience I got. I would see where you are as a stepping stone, try to progress and keep looking for other roles in the meantime if you want to.

I would focus hard on saving your deposit - have a look at new builds as well, some offer incentives. We ended up getting a 5% deposit contribution which enabled us to buy much sooner. The other thing to remember is the amount of money you can borrow is going to be based on you and your partner/DH’s salary so you being out of work could make that much more difficult or mean you end up in a house too small to raise a family long term. Also having the benefit of full maternity pay for a period will probably mean you can take longer off rather than having to go back ASAP if you are on SMP or getting no maternity pay at all. I would reframe it as “I’m going to work so we can buy a house for our family/so I’ll be able to decorate baby’s nursery and paint properly/so I can have a longer maternity leave/I can buy all the things I want for baby”.

Staying in work will also make it easier to save for private fertility treatment if you do end up needing it. It sounds like you going off sick at the moment may cause some resentment and stress in your relationship which won’t be good for TTC or long term. Pregnancy and having a baby does put a lot of strain on a relationship so you want to go in to it very strong as a couple.

I would try and focus on self care as much as you can, not just for TTC purposes but so you increase your capacity and feel better about life in general. I think being off work may mean you spend more time worrying and ruminating about your ability to conceive. Again, think about it as getting your physical and mental health in the best shape to potentially conceive. Exercise is great for mental health and being stronger going into pregnancy will make it easier on your body. I would look into eating for PCOS. I had a friend with PCOS who conceived naturally after being told she would likely struggle.

Lastly, I would look into manifesting, law of attraction, positive affirmations. Really think about what you want family life to look like - house for baby, more senior in a job or industry where you have flexibility, earning well etc. Think about it as an inevitability - I will get pregnant. If you could peek into the future and knew for sure that by the end of 2026 you would be pregnant what would be doing to prepare - pushing for promotion/more money, trying to get the house etc. then do that 💖 you will get there. Some therapy may also be helpful if you are struggling (which it’s normal to when you have news like this). Remember it’s not a definite no, you will get there and time is on your side.

Look for a new job in the new year. This one isn’t working for you.