Christmas dinner invite taken back due to grown up sons hissy fit

it could easily be the case that the grandparents are not in good health and the son doesn't want a virtual stranger gatecrashing what could potentially be the last family Christmas. We just don't know. That the OP jumped straight to 'hissy fit' and refuses to consider the possibility she might have said or done something to offend him says more about her than it does about him.

The son has 100% told his dad the reason he now dislikes you and for revoking your invitation. You just need to get this information from your DP to know what you’re dealing with.

If this is a fairly new relationship, I’d knock it on the head, the dysfunctional family dynamic where the son gets to decide who his dad dates isn’t worth the head-space.

Very sage advice.

It's hard to give workable and helpful advice when there is so much important detail missing. The conflation of 'grown up son' and 'hissy fit' says that nine tenths of the situation is below the surface.

I wonder based on the ages of your DC if maybe there is a large age gap between you and your partner and you are closer in age to his son? I only ask as that is a common thing that causes issues like this.

Right. There's definitely information missing here.

I can't imagine wanting to go somewhere that I knew for a certainty I was not wanted. I'd have a nice, calm and peaceful Christmas Day alone with no responsibilities.

How long have you been with DP and were you the reason his marriage broke up? If so, his son is unlikely to want you around for Xmas or any other family event.

I wouldn't go as you're not wanted there by your DP's son so it would be uncomfortable for everyone involved.

You weren't planning on doing anything yourself when you agreed to let your daughter spend Xmas at your former partner so why not go with that or ask your DP to spend Xmas with you?

I've clearly missed something. One poster calling me out for no reason whatsoever.

Not necessarily. As I said earlier the dad could have had kids young and the OP not

I think it is very likely that DP has been given a reason (whether justifiable or bullshit) and he is trying to protect your feelings by not sharing it - which I imagine would mean it isn't something you've done and can apologise for rather than an opinion.
How awful!

His son is 28 and living at home 😬
I would expect my DP not to leave me alone for Christmas, especially as Christmas isn't at his sons home it's at DPs parents (though they must be pushing 70 at least why is it at theirs?!) So there isn't the matter of you being in 'his space'.

Son is old enough to have a Christmas without his dad cos he's with his grandparents so not alone.
However, I would expect DP to make this decision without my asking.
I don't mean 'no its fine I don't mind being alone' and holding it against him kind of moping. Or him saying 'are you sure you don't mind' and you saying it's fine when it's not.
I'd literally say 'well I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable at Christmas so I won't go to your parents if I'm no longer welcome' and let him come forward and offer.
And if he doesn't, unless he's got a good explanation like an ill parent, that'd be it for me. I don't expect to be put ahead of someone's KIDS but when they are a grown adult with no real reason then I'd expect some defence. Even if that's just 'I'll come round let's have dinner after I've seen my parents in the morning'.

In my opinion, not having dinner alone is the main bit.

I know, right? And how does she know his name's John too?

My heart goes out to you original commenter & I just don't comprehend how some families can be so unitedly cold, heartless & unfeeling 😢
This is heartbreaking
I've only just seen your message now but see from the votes in there's numerous souls supporting you, as it most surely, should be, sincere soul
Really hope some have given you some comforting most deserved guidance 💚
Take extra great care of your lovely self

I’ve had positive interaction with this his son until recently he took a dislike to me with no reason given to me by my partner who just told me he doesn’t like me anymore

I’ve not RTFT and I don’t know what others have commented but this comment ring huge alarm bells for me.

Very strange thing for your partner to say and I’d be wondering if there’s something else at play here. ie. your partner doesn’t want you around his dcs for some reason.

How long have you been together?

I’ve had experience of being with a guy who seemed like the loveliest person on earth and turned out to be a pathological liar so I am very, very aware (unfortunately) that sometimes when things don’t make sense, it’s because there’s another reason for it which is completely at odds to what you think it may be.

I imagine that if you're divorced & civilised, you put your child wishes above your own.
Why so many MNetters see everything as suspicious & odd is what is actually weird.

Oh that’s hard on you! So if his son is 28 and your daughter is only 9 are you quite a bit younger than your partner? I’m wondering if his son wasn’t too bothered before because he thought you wouldn’t be around at Xmas but now that your daughter is going to her dads he’s feeling pressure to invite you too?
Really harsh, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a back story either.
How long have you been together?

What’s the back story ?

I don’t think I would continue in this relationship OP.

I would end the relationship ASAP

I'll be posting no more after your comments about whether I have kids or not. Rude as hell

Is that right? Yes. You're right about everything.