Can you say no?

People can ask, and people should say no if they don't want to say yes. Or rather be able to say no, though some people do find it very hard so askers should be aware of their audience.

Also, the people receiving a no should take that as a full answer and not push or cajole. And it should definitely not be in a manipulative way to force a yes. My SIL is a one for that.

So yanbu OP, people can ask it's fine. They may be taking a liberty though, or could be entirely reasonable. Just as long as we accept a no, without explanation and excuse.

Exactly. If you ask someone to do a favour for you then you should not make it complicated and should accept no for an answer. I used to have a friend who asked for favours and if you said no she would say please and look at you with sad eyes. This was totally out of order. I have grown better with age at saying no and am prepared to call CFs out.
My lovely MIL always used to say ‘I will have to think about it’ if she didn’t want to give an on the spot answer.
Sympathy for the poster that didn’t want to be the designated driver when she was pregnant.

Depends on the question and how it is asked.

I find it easy to say no, alongside anyone that really knows me being very well aware of my ease at giving a straight answer to a question. I have been asked by cheeky f***s to do something on occasion and I've been very happy to tell them no, alongside putting them straight as to why they ever thought it was acceptable to ask in the first place!

You’re an “Asker” OP…… as am I.

Some people are “Guessers”.

have a read of this……

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser

I think it matters how the request is put. I run an antiques online shop and people often ask for a discount. My pricing structure is constructed to allow for a 10-15 %discount which is quite common in the antiques world. However if someone asks for a big discount in a snippy or entitled way that makes me not want to deal with them. If I get an email saying "$30?" on a $100 item my reply will be something like "My best is $85" and I will probably never hear from them again. There really is no point in telling them that greed is not a good look because they are not going to change.

Person to person if someone asks me what I consider is a cheeky favour (like the neighbour who wanted to park one of her cars on my drive) I offer to think about it and give them a price. I find that an excellent conversation stopper. 👿

To take it to an extreme, "Could you give me £100 please?" to someone you're not particularly close to. Yes no is an acceptable answer but it's surely cheeky to even ask!

I can happily say no but i also understand that some people struggle with it. I think it really depends what you are asking for as to how rude it is. Also if you know someone struggles with saying no and you still ask them then that is manipulation not simply asking a question.

Of course it depends on the question! It’s cheeky to ask ‘hey you are driving your child to school every day so it’s easy for you to take my two as well. And to football practise? And can you give them a lift to Jonny’s party this weekend’? With no offer of reciprocity - cheeky. But ‘hey how about we car pool the drive to school? This week I drop off you collect, next week the other way round’? Do you see the difference? One cheeky, one perfectly reasonable.

Exactly! In these examples, all exits are pre-emptively blocked. This is precisely the rude stuff I was ineptly getting at.
It’s manipulative, and many couldn’t refuse, no matter how lily-livered the jury here would view that.

It depends what they are asking for.

Ex asking me to drop him at the train station after vsisting ds. Perfectly OK, and fine to say no if not convenient.

Ex asking to stay at my new flat two nights weekly, after we split, because he was too tight fisted to book a travel lodge when travelling for work, was blatant cheeky fuckery. I still told him not to be so ridiculous. It's the arrogance of thinking I would even consider it that pissed me off.

A clear exit is to say no. The world isn't actually going to fall apart. And no, I don't engage in mind reading either. I have no idea whether someone is or isn't in a position to help me until I ask them.

Neither of your answers.

Yes, it’s fine to say no.

Asking someone you know will give you a straight answer, also fine.

Asking someone when you know they don’t like saying no, could be CF and should give you pause.

Depends entirely on what's being asked. Can I use your bathroom, yes. Can I have a kidney, no!

I think it depends what it is! I’m pregnant at the moment and my biggest peeve is people treating me like the designated driver. If I want to give people a lift I will offer - I hate it when it’s the end of the night and I’m desperate to get home someone puts me on the spot so they can save themselves £10 in a cab! Some just ask outright and others give it “oh I’m just going to walk home” … so I’m left with a choice of give a lift or let my tipsy friend walk at night for 30 minutes on her own 😩

I can relate. I used to find saying no incredibly difficult, but the more I did it the easier it got and the world didn't end. If someone is being unreasonable and pushy I almost ENJOY not complying. I tell myself I'm doing them a favour by altering their unrealistic expectations of others 😆

Yes all these questions are rude and I would have no issue saying no to any of them.

or rather “yes” to the mince pie one. “Yes I do mind, I’ll have it thanks for asking”
Eats mince pie.

The 'get out' must be included and even reiterated IMO. 'Can you pick up Molly for me? Or are you not going that way? If you're not it's totally fine. I know you go the other route sometimes ...' .

Also i think that a high percentage of times when you might dither about asking is because you know damn well that the 'real' answer would be 'i really don't want to' rather than 'i can't'. And that is where the awkwardness creeps in. People are having to fib.

''Ohh I'd love to help, but really can't be arsed ...''

says no one ever.

Oh but you are giving an ‘out’ there. That’s exactly what I meant. Avoiding having the other person be left feeling they've no option but agreement.

(I omitted a different form of this coercion though rudeness, which is asking something of a person in your debt in some way (or a subordinate), who you know would feel they are honour bound to agree to anything you might ask of them, no matter how out of order you might be.)

It’s even easier for me to say no, when someone is telling me rather than asking me.

It’s easy to say no. The trick is you need to have a few prepared answers so that if you are put on the spot then you can use one of those.

Yeah and this is EXACTLY how these things are always asked!! I struggle with No but luckily my DP is great at it so I often say I have to check with him and I let him say no for me!!

There's a world of difference between pushy CFery and asking a question while accepting that you may be refused.

All those examples would be fine to me. What I would find rude would be things like:

Would you be able to pick up XXX from Brownies today? I can’t collect her and otherwise she won’t be able to go and it’s her Christmas party; she’s been looking forward to it all year.

You don’t mind if I eat the last mince pie, do you?

Is it OK if I bring my dog? He won’t be any trouble, and he hates being alone.