My ex and I have recently agreed terms in principle i.e. I will be buying her out of the marital home and crucially, we will be splitting custody of our four year old DD 50/50.
They have remained at the home, I was asked to move out at the start of the year. Since then I've been living at my auntie's, but I spend time with DD at the home without my ex present - giving her tea, bathing her, putting her to bed etc. I also stay over occasionally, again whilst my ex stays elsewhere.
My ex is going to tell DD this weekend (20th/21st December) that we're split, and that she'd like me to be involved but ultimately she is going to tell her this weekend with or without my participation.
She's said DD has been asking questions - where's dad, and why are Christmas cards addressed to them and not dad. She feels we're keeping it from her which could be damaging and lead to mistrust. But I feel the time isn't quite right because...
a) we don't yet know for sure where we're going to live - breaking such big news to her only to follow it up with uncertainties is going to leave her with more questions than answers
b) we're so close to Christmas - telling her now could leave an imprint on her mind every Christmas that this is the time of year that mum and dad split up
...the way things are now are broadly how they've been the whole year, so I feel holding back until there's concrete change is appropriate for someone the sort of age DD is.
I've suggested the compromise of telling her after new year and dealing with the unknowns as best we can. But my ex is adamant on telling her this weekend.
Does anyone have any insight/advice?