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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blank my ex-manager

38 replies

xmaswoes6 · 18/12/2025 09:10

I work for a company of about 250 people in size and have been there about four years. Unfortunately I had a toxic manager for the last 18 months. She would subtly undermine me in numerous ways and it really knocked my confidence and made me feel quite anxious. Fortunately an internal role came up in another department recently and I was able to transfer. My new manager is lovely. However, I walk past my old manager in the office every now and then and she insists on saying hello, despite the fact she essentially pushed me out of my old role. AIBU just to ignore her?

OP posts:
Original poster
xmaswoes6 · 18/12/2025 12:12

She's a twat, you know she's a twat, she knows you know shes a twat. That's enough.

Ha - I hope you’re right about the last bit!

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 18/12/2025 12:08

xmaswoes6 · 18/12/2025 11:59

I feel resentful I have to say hello and smile after all the stress she’s caused me TBH. Actually forget smiling - even just saying hello makes me feel resentful!

Edited

You don't have to like her, forgive her or smile at her. Just say morning or hello as part of your role and walk past. It's better for her to think she's totally irrelevant to you than that she's really got to you. It's a job; they don't ask you to be best friends, just to be professional.
You've moved on to better things. Time to leave all that shite in the past where it belongs for your own sake. She's a twat, you know she's a twat, she knows you know shes a twat. That's enough.

Original poster
xmaswoes6 · 18/12/2025 12:08

purplecorkheart · 18/12/2025 12:01

It is a workplace and you need to be professional. Remember managers change roles within the company sometimes and you may have to work with her again. Goodmorning Jane, Goodbye Jane. that is all you have to do.

Good point. It just seem so unfair that some managers are allowed to get away with shitty behaviour!

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 18/12/2025 12:01

It is a workplace and you need to be professional. Remember managers change roles within the company sometimes and you may have to work with her again. Goodmorning Jane, Goodbye Jane. that is all you have to do.

Original poster
xmaswoes6 · 18/12/2025 11:59

I feel resentful I have to say hello and smile after all the stress she’s caused me TBH. Actually forget smiling - even just saying hello makes me feel resentful!

OP posts:
zingally · 18/12/2025 11:50

I think a blank look is the only answer.

Some years ago, I had an absolute mental boss. Full sociopath, truly. She caused massive damage to my mental health, and the only reason I stuck the job out was because she ended up retiring before I completely lost my shit.

A number of years after that, I inadvertently bumped into her outside a supermarket. She stopped me, all sweetness and light.
I'm normally fairly "forgive and forget", but she's the exception.
Before she could launch into a conversation, I said, "Honestly Sue, I've got no interest in talking to you. You were absolutely horrible to me at X workplace." Then moved my trolley past her and walked off. Left her in my wake, gulping air.

Izzyharrison · 18/12/2025 10:58

Be polite, but don't get involved with any jackanory with her.

BauhausOfEliott · 18/12/2025 10:40

It would very unprofessional to completely ignore her but of course you don't have to hang around and chat with her. Just 'Hi' in response to her hello as you walk past is perfectly OK.

Starrystarrysky · 18/12/2025 09:37

Say good morning/afternoon, otherwise you will look like the unprofessional one. But apart from that, agree with PP on grey rock.

toomuchfaff · 18/12/2025 09:15

Google how to grey rock.

Nothing can be twisted (by her) to cause you any grief whatsoever

TheatricalLife · 18/12/2025 09:15

I'd respond personally. I wouldn't be going in for a chat, but it's work. If I saw her out and about, I'd not bother, but I'd stay professional in my role. It's only a hello, not forgiveness.

lemonraspberry · 18/12/2025 09:14

Nope. I have had bad managers (monsters) who demonstrated a Jekyll & Hyde personality. Nice when you don’t work for them, vicious bastards when you do.

she sounds the same flavour. Just ignore, a hand wave acknowledgment, or head nod, is all that is required, if that.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 18/12/2025 09:13

I think you have to be professional but you can think unpleasant thoughts while saying a brief hello

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