Love my husband but think I fancy another man?

FFS
Even the happiest married couples can "fancy "other people but you have a good hardworking husband who simply wants to take care of his family by working hard and giving them all he can.
Unfortunately this is male thing and he needs YOU to explain that his family also needs him as well as work.
Believe me this come from personal experience from working 18 hours a day thinking I was indispensible in a medical capacity and as my wife continually told me my gravestone would read "he never had time to watch his children grow up but was a workaholic"
I finally realised this before it was too late.
Time for you to grow up for if only for the sake of the children.

I get frequent crushes, always have, regardless of my relationship status!
it absolutley doesn’t mean I don’t adore and fancy my husband, because I do very much!
as long as you’re not having fanciful thoughts about how superior your life would be with the other person then I think it’s all good!

It’s normal to think someone is attractive. It’s a passing thought and meaningless. However acting on it would be silly when actually you need to work on the relationship with your husband. He sounds exhausted and tired. Can he work shorter days or can he work a four day week and you can find paid work around his schedule?

It’s normal over the span of any LTR to find other people attractive so don’t feel guilty for that. What I would say is you just sound lonely to be honest and so I guess this stems from that. Your DH is working long hours so isn’t really around and you have three very small children which can be isolating in itself. It’s probably more that than anything.

Everything you say about your husband is a positive. If nothing else, everytime a thought enters your head about the school Dad, try imagining how you'd feel if it were your husband feeling that about a school mum or colleague or random woman. Not a great feeling. It's easy to get caught up in our own heads especially when life although busy, isn't as full as it could be. But look at the positives you have and consider how losing that would feel. Plus..the school Dad is just that, a Dad who is as flawed as everyone else..finding people attractive is fine, but put your energy elsewhere.

You're fine. Everyone's allowed a little fantasy in their head. That's where it should stay. My friend fancied someone from afar. Until she spoke to him. She found his voice really unattractive and that was that. She never intended to act on it. It's just a crush or literacy and will fade away. Doesn't mean you love your dh any less.

Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look in the baker's shop window

It sounds like your husband is the one who is neglected.

You probably spend a lot of time around little children, and so seeing a attractive dad on the school run has made your brain fantasise a bit, but as long as that's all it is and you don't make the dad feel self-conscious and you appreciate everything your husband does, then I don't think this is a huge big deal.

Was coming to say it’s fine to have a crush/find someone else attractive - I suspect it feels wrong because it’s someone a bit closer to home. You wouldn’t think twice about a celebrity or a hot guy you saw in the supermarket because you know you’re never seeing them again and nothing could happen - but a school dad is dangerous because you likely see him daily, possibly twice. You know if you strike up a conversation and he fancies you too, you enter affair territory. So keep away. Look but don’t touch.

However, having read your update I feel I need to say something else. It’s really not ok and not healthy to be tracking him. Why are you doing this? Do you not trust him? If you don’t, you have bigger problems than a harmless crush. Does he know (and enthusiastically agree to) you tracking him?

15 hour days are unsustainable if you want your marriage to survive. At this rate you will feel more and more lonely and one or both of you is more likely to be tempted elsewhere. Does he really need to be working that many hours? When do you get family time? When do you get time as a couple? It maybe he needs to employ someone else so that he can reduce his hours, or if you need the money, you might need to take on a job so that he can work less.

They'd be the same.

While Mumsnet does tend to lean bias towards women, this is one of those things where it's just human. Men and women both fancy people outside of their relationships, it's normal. We're animals at the end of the day.

Perfectly normal. As long as the thoughts of him don't become intrusive and you don't make any attempt to get to know him or respond to any from him, you're fine.

Also 3 kids under 5 and him working long hours. Give it 4 years it will be easier.

Neglectful or busy supporting his family?

Read the books.

As others have said you are married not dead.

Avoid the school dad or speak to other people.

Read John Gottmans book (I should have shares in that book!) Seven principles of making marriage work. And his other book about six dates (something like that). Read it with husband and do the exercises.

I wish you well. Avoid school dad and water your own garden (marriage).

look but don’t touch.
cut back on unnecessary outgoings so dh doesnt have to work such long hours.
he will end up sick otherwise.
spend more time together.
life is too short. enjoy it with dh.

It's projection

You track him? That’s creepy, don’t you trust him?

Why do you feel neglected? Your DH is working his balls off to financially support the family whilst you are a SAHM. You also say he fancies and loves you and rings you all day to make sure you're OK. That doesn't sound very neglectful. With 3 kids under 5 and him working 15 hour days there isn't going to be much time for romance. How does your DH feel, does he feel neglected too?

You’re married, not dead. You’re allowed to find other people attractive.

That said, the fact that you feel neglected is a bit of a worry. Those cracks are where crushes can get in and start to flourish.

Talk to your DH.

@Hiits It's totally normal to be attracted to other people from afar. Are you happy in your life and marriage in general? If so it's all good.

From the OP: * *

"..I feel neglected."

From @Icouldwriteabookonmydisastrouslife:

"i think you’re feeling neglected"

It's like a 6th sense!

Jesus Christ I can imagine the replies if yoh swapped sexes

Asking for permission?