Do you have a Christmas dinner on Christmas Day? AIBU to politely decline

Will it be a decent buffet? If its good quality I could get on board with it and would hope for some cold turkey and some roasties. If it's frozen supermarket party food then I think I would rather stay home with a roast.

It’s not just about the dinner is it either. It’s the whole day. I’d be pissed! You wanted to spend Christmas at home and enjoy not having to schlep kids around in the car, and cook a meal your kids were looking forward to in your own home. Instead she’s said “no come and join 20+ people because it’s easier for me, we’ll all jostle around a buffet (from which your child will probably only choose handfuls of crisps and chocolate and will become an overstimulated nightmare) and essentially the day is all about my needs and no one else’s”

In this situation I'd have Christmas lunch on another day. C eve, Boxing Day or NY eve or day

Surely spending time with family is more important than a meal which you can have any day of the year?
We don’t have a traditional Christmas dinner as we don’t like it and it’s too time consuming to prepare for 20 people. We have a huge buffet with an amazing selection of food.

Go. Enjoy. Embrace the difference and enjoy the time with family.

We don't do xmas dinner none of us are bothered about a roast. We go out for an Indian have done for the last 5 years it's lovely as I work xmas morning shift get home and can just chill and enjoy the rest of the day

Can’t imagine doing a full on roast for 21 so can understand the buffet. Also if they went out for a curry another year I’m guessing they are not so bothered by traditional Christmas meal.

Where does your side of the family fit in?

I'm not surprised its not a dinner with 21 people.

Buffet with family sounds lovely and I'd chose that any day over a roast dinner but we aren't rigid with what day we celebrate Christmas day on, we move it around as required due to work and extended family

I'd go to theirs for Christmas day and then do the Christmas dinner on boxing day

What does your husband think?

Can’t you just do it xmas Eve or Boxing Day instead? That being said if this is all in the early discussion stages just politely decline and say you’ll have an early lunch at home but will join them all in the afternoon?

Surely you can just decline the invitation? Or will there be major sulking all round?

I agree with this.

In theory (for example on the other thread running where the SiL is a bit perturbed with the OP not serving dinner until the evening) my thinking is that the host decides the menu and the running order, but there is a difference here in that
a) you invited her for a traditional dinner at yours
then
b) at pretty much the 11th hour she has pressured everyone to change the arrangements
then
c) has invited you to something completely different.

I would say "No thanks. We really enjoy the traditional roast on Christmas Day, so we'll stick with the original plan of cooking it at home".
That's definitely not unreasonable in these circumstances where that has been the original plan and it is her trying to change it.

We all get together with a buffet and to see all dh's extended family at Christmas time, and, with larger numbers a buffet makes sense. The difference is, we do it on a day between Christmas and New Year, as an additional day, not instead of a traditional roast. It works well. Less pressure on "the day" (each family either stays home or goes to the other in-laws and we take turns to have his parents) and everyone gets to see each other at some point over the break on a day when people wouldn't be wanting to be anywhere else.

I feel from that post, that nobody will be upset if you decide to have your roast at home and you should do that.

Have a Christmas eve dinner instead?
I always have a Christmas dinner on Christmas day. I quite like the idea of a buffet, I may try it one year. A big meal makes me tired and there is so much prep and cleaning with a Christmas dinner.

21 is far too many (at least in my house!) to have a sit down dinner so I can see where she’s coming from.
So either go for the party, or stay home for a traditional dinner.
up to you, OP.

But isn’t a buffet more about serving style than actual dishes? Why wouldn’t it be essentially the traditional foods, but set out buffet-style for people to help themselves?

(I agree with a pp — I don’t get the British love affair with roasts. Or carveries.’

Agree, this sounds more like Boxing Day.

Will it be a decent buffet? What would her Christmas dinner have been like? My Mil is a really bad cook - not interested in cooking at all so Christmas dinner there is a massive disappointment so a buffet may be preferable and then you cook your own Christmas dinner on another day. Crap though, love a great Christmas dinner.

MIL will not take it in turns going to siblings so it basically means no one has enough space to host and daughter will kick off if not with her mother on Christmas Day. So we therefore have to suffer the buffet as she won’t come to us without daughter

So, what's happened in all precious years?

That’s what we do, we always have our last big family one around Thanksgiving (we aren’t American but the timing works well) so that we really enjoy Christmas Day.

I love a roast dinner so I would be disappointed. I’ve cooked Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve in the past and it wasn’t the same - plus visitors unexpectedly turned up delivering gifts and it messed my timings up a bit. Boxing Day is the buffet day in our house. Infact it sounds like she is hosting my idea of Boxing Day on Christmas Day.

As it was only decided 2 days ago could you say your child wants to be home for presents on the day, and ask her to switch it to Boxing Day, or would that not suit everyone else?.

Other than that I think you will have to accept your special days being switched around this year.

ah family dynamics…so a good roast dinner is a bribe for putting up with whatever this is?