Husband refusing family Xmas day!

@Holidaywoes12 This!!!

People seem to have missed this.

@Holidaywoes12 It is a classic sign of an abusive husband to always cause problems and arguments whenever there is a family event coming up. Especially if the event is about you or the DC, e.g. your birthday, holiday for the DC, etc.
Basically abusers don't like it when the attention is not on them. They can't bear not being the most special one in the room.
He wants to feel that you are always putting him first and he is always foremost in your mind and top of your priority list.
Does this sound like him?
If so, read up on abusive relationships and have your eyes open going forward.

For now, insist that it is too late to change Christmas plans now, but next year and every second year you will not have any visitors so it is just you, him and the DC. It is only fair that you alternate on your wishes.
Your DB needs to step up next year and spend Christmas day with his dad (without you hosting), and do this every other year.

Dh would say she’s not a problem though much like op says there is no reason for her dh not to want her dad there.

He wouldn’t think her moans are more than passing chit chat rather than her just never having anything positive to say.

she can’t ever not moan about something and it just changes the whole tone of the entire house when she is here even the children get on edge and ask why does she do/say that.

Doesn't fit my example because you have explained why your MIL is a difficult guest.

I'm hoping that this you are joking but unfortunately I don't think you are.

OP's husband dislikes her brother because he is gay and calls her widowed dad that 'fucker'.

I think that she has spent enough energy on supporting and pandering to him throughout the year. She deserves to be able to see her dad and brother at Christmas, especially now that her mum has died. It's hardly as though her DH has to socialise with them all year round. She could go to her dad's to spend Christmas with him and her brother but she is worried about leaving her DH on his own at home.

When OP's DH was speaking to his family, OP welcome them into their home on Christmas Day. OP's DH has massive double standards.

Technically the op has a brother so he could go to the brothers or the brother to him.

I can imagine this becoming me and dh tho if his dad dies first. Mil isn’t necessarily nasty but she can’t ever not moan about something and it just changes the whole tone of the entire house when she is here even the children get on edge and ask why does she do/say that.

So id want every other year off having her and yes dh does cook the Christmas dinner and we share the after clean up.

If Mil goes first it won’t be a problem fil would either go on holiday or want people to his house and his actually easy going and you can have a laugh with him.

I would 100% say the same thing to a woman who thought it acceptable to leave family members to have Xmas alone.

I would say the same actually unless there is a good reason. There is a difference though if the woman is doing all the work especially if the in laws are demanding something different to what she had planned.

I don't think there are two many threads saying 'I don't want my MIL to come to my house on Christmas Day. She is a widow who has nowhere else to go, and I can't explain what she does wrong, and I'm not expected to do anything for her. DH does all the cooking. I just don't want her there'.

Man hating forum - ha ha!

You're funny

Tell that to every single woman, and there are many, who comes on here saying she doesn't want her in laws around for Christmas 😂

My DH loathes any gathering at home so we alternate each year. It’s a good compromise.

Same in our family. I honestly couldn’t be married to someone who thought it acceptable to leave family members to have a lonely Christmas. Christmas is a time for being together- there’s the whole rest of the year for nuclear family times.

@NotAnotherScarf

totally agree!

poor, poor hubby. Nothing wrong with not wanting anyone in your home - it’s your safe space!

stay home with him OP @Holidaywoes12 and look after him. All your time and energy need to go on him - not your dad! And not your bro! Least you could do.

My late husband was also an expert in the silent treatment, grumpiness etc. Insert any scenario and he’d revert to his usual MO. Especially with my family. His mother would never come to us for Christmas, despite annual invitations, because his alcoholic father was drinking and she didn’t want to leave him alone. Therefore none of my family were allowed to be invited either. All very logical to him.
Thank fuck I left the boring bastard and now Christmas is so lovely.
Your husband doing on/off moods since October over one day, I’d get rid.

Your husband is an absolute dick and should be spending Christmas alone.... permanently!

Do we know why he has reduced or cut contact with his family? I've often seen that touted as advice to people on here, any perceived slight....cut contact, so who knows.

Agree. It’s his home, too. Alternate years is the obvious solution.

Obviously he may be a little ray of sunshine if he can just have Christmas without his extended family, but from the OP's posts he has fallen out with his own family, doesn't like his brother in law because he is gay, and doesn't always spend Christmas with the OP's family.

Yes I know that, just playing devil's advocate. I just changed the wife to husband in another post to show that he is always the one expected to suck it up and basically if he doesn't then he is being inconsiderate yet she won't ever agree to not have her family over for Christmas.
And how can you possibly tell he wouldn't be happy to have Christmas with just their own family? Seems like he's never once had that since they've been together.

And also, his family aren't dead.

He has decided not to see them.

It doesn't sound as though he would be happy on on Christmas Day whatever she does, or that he is ever happy for her to see her family.