Husband refusing family Xmas day!

Well it's fine to not want visitors but that's not what you want.
I guess it's a choice of do what he wants to do, or do what you want to do.
It seems he has always done what you want to do by having visitors and this year he wants to do what he wants to do.
I personally would hate not to able to have visotors. My Dh would happily spend christmas alone.
Is there a compromise? Split the day? Have two christmas days? Go and visit them or send DH out for part of the day?
I guess the answer might be in trying to imagine yourself being the person that really didn't want visitors but your partner did. What would you do or request of them?

I'd meet them out somewhere and tell him not to come. If he doesnt like it, fair enough, but why control you ?

So you don’t know what nuclear family is?
you, him and any kids you have are the nuclear family. The rest is extended family- your and his parents etc.
i wouldn’t be happy to never have had a Xmas just us.

you can give him that and meet x people else where etc

No. You are conveniently missing key facts. This year he has fallen out with his family. What’s the excuse for every other year she hasn’t listened to his opinion and barged ahead with her own desires.

@Holidaywoes12 this bothers your husband so much he starts worrying about it in October. This should be telling you trust you are being utterly unreasonable. You’re not listening, not compromising and not respecting him as your equal at all.

I would be very annoyed with you

What a Grinch he is!!!!

Absolutely. Men get a raw deal on Mumsnet.

OP if he wants a quiet Christmas invite your brother and Dad over on Boxing Day.

I host my in-laws and husbands two single older relatives because I want to. But equally if I found it too much he would 100% agree that every other year is a totally reasonable arrangement too.

Listen to your DH. You can’t bail on your Dad and brother this year as it is way too short notice but mention next year your DH would like Christmas days to be alternating years.

I think the reasonable assumption would be that she has hosted his family when he has invited them but he has always complained about hosting her family, either separately or alongside his family. 🤷

Don't be so ridiculous. He's trying to be a controlling dick

DH comes from a dysfunctional family, where they go NC / gang up on each other etc… MIL is the architect of it all. It’s mad…

He tried to poison my family, my sister & parents now have no time for him. He doesn’t get invited to anything. I go by myself.

It’s difficult at Christmas, I’d love to have my parents around in Christmas Day or have DN over for a play date. But he’ll act up!

This year, he has gone no contact with his mother and sister, ... He says he ... is upset about not seeing his mother and sister.

So he's gone no contact with his mum and sister, but now he's upset about not seeing them. Err, yes?? that's what it means when you go no contact??
What an idiot.

He has told me seeing that he wont be seeing [his family] for christmas I wont be having family over
And he gives you orders as if you're a servant, or more like a slave, as a servant would give in her notice!

OP, he is a nightmare. Is there any reason to stay with him? Because if you're staying 'for the sake of the children', please don't. Living with an aggressive controlling father is no more good for them than it is for you.

How many kids do you have Op? Does your brother have kids or a partner? Just wondering how many people in total will be at yours xx

Does your dad live in a seniors home, if so, do they not have a Christmas meal that family can join in for a price? Both of my in-laws homes did that, for residents. You (and your brother)could spend the morning with your husband then have a meal at your dads and stay the afternoon with him, then spend rest of the time with your husband.

How would he feel if you did Christmas with your family and kids and he was at home alone? When he says no family, how literal is that? No one at all? Or no extended family from either side?

Some of us have fucked up families. My Christmases were always my parents and siblings that was it. My mum cut her family off for fun every couple of years and then I'd get to see them briefly for a few days/weeks and gone again. So, having a Christmas with more relatives than just my kids would be really stressful and difficult. Not used to it at all.

Book somewhere- hotel or cottage , where you , your father and brother can celebrate . Leave him home to have his quiet Christmas .

Probably where OP says “My husband has always had an issue with this and every December would be a big upheavel and upset with him refusing any of my family members over, (my father a widow) before eventually allowing them to come! Every year the same argument.”

She then goes on to say confirm that they’ve never had a Christmas without other relatives.

So it’s a reasonable assumption that she’s had it her way every single Christmas

For the gobshites saying he just wants a quiet Christmas and she's being unfair,always has her family,it's her father the odd occasion her brother,sorry what the hell do you think her father is doing,throwing will parties,inviting ladies over,getting drunk ??? Give over now and have a word with yourselves.. yous obviously are not close to your own family to be talking like this..damn right she should have her Dad over and her brother aswell when he wants to come.. her father won't be around forever..this man is a misery and if he dosent like it let him go to his own family..oh no he can't because they don't want him..tough go sulk in his bedroom then but OP you have Christmas with your family and tell your husband to get counselling for himself,hope you get it all sorted and happy Christmas xx

I’m sorry? He said what? He refers to your father as ‘that old fucker’?

His say is that he can get to make the choice not to see his own family but he doesn’t get to choose that you don’t get to see your own family
Is it possible for you to visit your dad at his house

What exactly does this man ass to your life @Holidaywoes12 ?

He called your widowed dad an old f@cker, has made an issue of you seeing your family ever Christmas, makes general special occasions all about his moods and has fallen out with his one family. I bet they are skipping about not having to tolerate him this year.

He sounds controlling, miserable and nasty. I don’t blame you for wanting other people around you.

Just because he can't see his mother and sister at Christmas he doesn't want you to see your family but you you love having them, tell him to take a break on his own or go and enjoy your Christmas at your dad's, cook there, stay for a week or more, let him enjoy his solitary Christmas, He's the fun police Why does he think your joy is determined by him. He actually wants you to feel guilty for being with your family. I'd do what makes me happy. If you have an echo dot at home I'd get it to play silent night on repeat at different times of the day on full volume

Where are posters getting the narrative that the husband 'never get the quiet Christmas he craves' because of the OP insisting he spends it with her family, when the OP is clear that she has happily hosted his family etc when it suited him. It's only since he's fallen out with them that this secret desire for a quiet Christmas has been used to justify what appears to be pretty generalised ill-treatment of the OP (silent treatment/unpleasantness about the OP's fsmily/ruining other celebrations etc.)

I put you are being unreasonable because you put up with his shit. Sorry.

You should certainly do that and let him spend Christmas alone while you visit family.