To say my DP can't take a job offer ?

Depends. Do you care at all about his feelings, or is he a spunkwallet?

Does this job lead on to the prospect of mega rewards in future?

If the job is worth doing in the long term then I think it would be worth paying for a nanny for 2 days. It sounds like it would be easier for you as there would be less juggling around and you would have someone to cover you when you needed to go to London.

I think you would be unreasonable to dictate to your husband what he can and cannot do with his career.

You both need to sit together and find out what he wants, and work out how you could or could not make it work.

Otherwise, you risk alienating your husband from decisions in his own life and causing resentment.

But it won’t be worked out together. DP is expecting a nanny (removes the benefit of the pay rise) or OP drops her work hours (again, removes benefit).

Hell also be leaving OP to do everything on her own for a few days each month .

When you are an adult, you don’t always get what you want. DP should get that.

Of course you can tell him he can’t do the job. You’ve already been very reasonable working around his career and some things just don’t work out due to having kids. That’s life, you have to deal with it.

However it very much sounds like if he wants to take it he will and will leave you to work the logistics out.

My DH had a job where he worked away
overnight every week when the kids were in nursery. I found it very hard but it was what we needed to do the job. He left early on the day I was at home all day, then got back in time for collection the following day. It was stressful as you’re worried there will be issues on the road meaning he can’t collect. Looking back, I don’t know how we did it but we did.
We then got an au pair to help fill in for late returns and missed trains, which helped a lot. I personally didn’t ask them to do primary care for long periods but it helped with nursery.
Are au pairs still an option?

I think if you can’t make it work, you can’t.

Your DM and DB are already stepping in when it should be him covering.

He isn’t pulling his weight at home or acting like a person with a family.

I actually disagree as well that he didn’t take any time off when your DS was very ill in hospital, no wonder you got unwell yourself.

I don’t think you should sacrifice yourself any further to accommodate his latest promotion.

That's the thing with young children and babies, things like career moves sometimes have to go on the back burner for a few years.

They only have one phase though - where his career matters. He doesn’t currently support her career or their children and never has. Ergo she owes his career very little and definitely not her sanity.

My partner and I have always had jobs where we need to go away, sometimes for weeks at a time. We have one child and two dogs. We both pick up the slack and make it work.

The job is doable, but only if your husband and you work as a team and share the load.

Will have good health insurance with the new job?

This is silly.

you have phases where one person’s career might mean more away time & the other person picks up the slack. Or just hire the nanny!

whst are the long term opportunities he creates by taking them role?

Also what’s the disparity in earning between you and him?

Why does she need to look at his personal feelings? He doesn’t step up when she is away with work every few months, her mum comes to help. So she doesn’t have to care one jot about his personal feelings re a job where he would be away every week. It’s a no.

Sorry dropping one day a week=17k..so the op is on about £85 k a year!! That's a good wedge.

No he shouldn't take the job it's right job but wrong time situation sadly.

I feel you need to look at his personal feelings on whether the challenge of the new job excites him. If he doesn't like his present job and sees this as a good career move saying no is selfish. Be opened minded as I hope he would be if it was the other way round. Find a solution you both respect

If you and he come to the conclusion that is not workable and he is prepared to reject the offer, it's worth a frank conversation with the old boss to explain why and potentially explain what changes they'd need to be able to accept it. Chances are this would be fruitless and the end, but it's worth a try. It'd also keep the old boss sweeter for future openings.

I've had candidates pull out of recruitment processes where occasionally the reason is something that could have been managed. It's always too late or just wrong to run after them once they've withdrawn.

I would tell him not to, purely because of the private health care you're about to access. Otherwise you'll end up on the NHS waiting a year for the same operation! Also it's not fair to expect you to work and manage the children at all. He needs to accept he has responsibilities outside of work. Tell him now is not the right time.

So these clarifications change things in my mind. If it had been an egalitarian arrangement then I would have been the first to say that compromises might need to be made both ways, etc
But truly, if he is already not pulling his share and is one of those incompetent people who can't parent their child because they happen to be male, then I think you are being reasonable.

What a ridiculous response. Have you even read the thread?

You sound rather bitter and jealous of his opportunity. You're so wrapped up.im what an awful life you have you pay no mind to him.

I agree his new job would be unreasonable. I think the reason people reacted the way they did initially was that you made it sound like he was picking up his fair share of the childcare - particularly around things like your trips up to London almost weekly - but the additional information makes it clear you are doing the lions share and he can't manage when you do your work trips. I also find it a bit mind-blowing that with a baby in the NICU he took no time off work - surely no promotion is worth leaving you and his child to cope through that without his support. I would start protecting yourself better.

If OP dropping 1 day a week would cost £17k annually shes earning £85k without DP

‘you can't ask him not to accept a better paid job which excites him’

Why? Because he has a penis?

Difficult but ultimately you can't ask him not to accept a better paid job which excites him. What about his career prospects. You certainly can't tell him. Discuss it. Nothing wrong with child care for 2 days if it means you both have job satisfaction.