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Original poster

“Birthing parent” language in work policy – inclusive or erasing women?

216 replies

InvisibleBumble · 17/12/2025 20:25

Our workplace has just emailed all staff about changes to parental leave. Throughout the email they repeatedly use the term “the birthing parent”. There is no mention anywhere of women, mothers or maternity leave.

I’m honestly really uncomfortable with it. In trying to be “inclusive”, it feels like women - and our lived experience of pregnancy, childbirth and recovery - are being erased from a policy that is specifically about leave after giving birth.

I’m not anti-inclusion, but I do struggle with language that refuses to even acknowledge women or mothers in this context. Childbirth is not a neutral experience, and maternity leave exists for a reason.

It’s really bugged me, but I’m nervous about pushing back at work in case I’m labelled difficult or “not inclusive enough”.

Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone challenged this kind of language at work, and if so, how did it go?

OP posts:
MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 22:11

Hoardasurass · 17/12/2025 22:05

No but being called a birthing parent instead of a mother is

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You will be getting called a mother forever - why are you so worried

there are many women on here saying it’s more inclusive for them in their situations

Minjou · 17/12/2025 22:10

MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 22:08

They’ve had physical changes so no not women

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What physical changes do you think turns women into men? Particularly when a baby is coming out of their vaginas?

aneelli · 17/12/2025 22:09

Mine does the same, and calls it caregiver leave 🙄 I still put my status as maternity leave. Like just why, who are we trying to include, men can never give birth, it isn’t in their biology.

Minjou · 17/12/2025 22:09

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/12/2025 22:04

Just FYI - Birthing parent is often used to differentiate which mum is pregnant in same-sex relationships.

We know. But birth mother does that just fine and doesn't erase sex for no good reason.

Userxyd · 17/12/2025 22:08

It’s exclusively relevant to trans men - it’s offensive to the 99.99% of women who live as women. It’s an agenda mainly pushed by men who live as women and that ignores the women who push back against it, even though they vastly outnumber these shouty men.
YANBU at all!

MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 22:08

Minjou · 17/12/2025 22:01

Transmen are women. Those that give birth are mothers.

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They’ve had physical changes so no not women

MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 22:07

AnotherEmma · 17/12/2025 21:59

So you prefer "birth parent" to "birth mother"? Why? Are you not both mothers?

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She’s told you what she thinks

stop trampling on people

AnotherEmma · 17/12/2025 22:07

"Bottom bits"?!!! Hmm

Do you mean the female reproductive organs, by any chance?!

MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 22:06

GovernmentFundedSteak · 17/12/2025 21:56

Wasnt aware that bottoms could reproduce! In fact I'm fairly sure mine wasn't involved at all unless I include shitting myself during labour

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Bottom bits not arse

Portakalkedi · 17/12/2025 22:05

Of course it's wrong, and offensive. If you give birth, you are a woman, no matter what you call yourself. It is the most basic biology. WTF is wrong with people?

Hoardasurass · 17/12/2025 22:05

YourBreezyBiscuit · 17/12/2025 22:03

You can't seriously be claiming that being called a parent is dehumanising

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No but being called a birthing parent instead of a mother is

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/12/2025 22:04

Just FYI - Birthing parent is often used to differentiate which mum is pregnant in same-sex relationships.

YourBreezyBiscuit · 17/12/2025 22:03

Hoardasurass · 17/12/2025 21:49

Everyone who has ever given birth are female and they are mothers, no man has ever given birth nor will one. So how about we use the correct words instead of dehumanising women to pander to some fringe belief system

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You can't seriously be claiming that being called a parent is dehumanising

Minjou · 17/12/2025 22:02

ThatsVertigo · 17/12/2025 21:52

I never said lesbians weren't women! The language of 'birthing parent' serves them to distinguish that one of the women births and one does not. Others have pointed this out already so I didn't think it needed explaining.

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Birth mother would distinguish that perfectly well, wouldn't it?

Adeline767 · 17/12/2025 22:01

I work in a male dominated government sector and they have recently got rid of “paternity leave”. It is now called “Maternity Support Leave” which I suppose covers most basis’. But it’s pretty awkward when men request advice on paternity leave.

Minjou · 17/12/2025 22:01

MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 21:53

You’d be surprised how many trans men do give birth - when they have physical changes but just left the reproductive bottom - don’t know how to say it!

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Transmen are women. Those that give birth are mothers.

AnotherEmma · 17/12/2025 21:59

Sesame2011 · 17/12/2025 21:57

I'm female and married to a woman so I find birthing parent is more inclusive to our situation as we are both mothers and women.

So you prefer "birth parent" to "birth mother"? Why? Are you not both mothers?

Hoardasurass · 17/12/2025 21:59

jcyclops · 17/12/2025 21:50

There are cases of M/M and F/F same sex parents. Even in Male/Female cases, in adoption the "mother" and the "birthing parent" are not the same person. In cases of surrogacy there could be 3 parents all entitled to some parental leave. A workplace parental leave policy has to cover all these cases as well as the more usual Male/Female where the Female is the birthing parent and the mother.

The adoptive parents would not be entitled to maternity or paternity leave, they would instead be entitled to adoption leave and is a completely different policy and law.
In cases of surrogacy only the surrogate mother would be entitled to maternity leave, the adopting woman or men would get adoption leave. So no you argument is fundamentally wrong

Sesame2011 · 17/12/2025 21:57

I'm female and married to a woman so I find birthing parent is more inclusive to our situation as we are both mothers and women.

AnotherEmma · 17/12/2025 21:57

MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 21:53

You’d be surprised how many trans men do give birth - when they have physical changes but just left the reproductive bottom - don’t know how to say it!

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Has anyone actually surveyed the trans men who give birth to ask what they think? I wonder how many of them think it's necessary and proportional to erase the words "woman" and "mother" from any and all general communications about pregnancy and childbirth?

My view is that as long as a trans man is treated respectfully and communicated with according to their own preferences in reference to their own maternity care, that should be enough.

LargeJugs · 17/12/2025 21:57

I actually couldn’t find my maternity policy on our portal because of language like this. It was something stupid like primary carer leave but also talked about birth … further perpetuating that women are default parent?! I didn’t like it anyway.

GovernmentFundedSteak · 17/12/2025 21:56

MissMountshafft · 17/12/2025 21:53

You’d be surprised how many trans men do give birth - when they have physical changes but just left the reproductive bottom - don’t know how to say it!

Show quote history

Wasnt aware that bottoms could reproduce! In fact I'm fairly sure mine wasn't involved at all unless I include shitting myself during labour

ThatsVertigo · 17/12/2025 21:55

Minjou · 17/12/2025 21:52

Do you think OPs workplace employ children that are in need of maternity leave?

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given that you can work from your early teenage years and teenage pregnancies are not a rarity then it is certainly very possible.

AnotherEmma · 17/12/2025 21:54

ThatsVertigo · 17/12/2025 21:52

I never said lesbians weren't women! The language of 'birthing parent' serves them to distinguish that one of the women births and one does not. Others have pointed this out already so I didn't think it needed explaining.

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Well, if they were really talking about lesbian couples, they could refer to "birth mother" (since that's what she is) rather than "birth parent". But come on now, everyone know this policy was not written with lesbian mothers first and foremost in everyone's minds. It was written to placate the TRAs who want to erase the words "woman" and "mother" from anything relating to female biology.

ScaryM0nster · 17/12/2025 21:53

It addresses the fact that not all mothers are entitled to Maternity Leave.