Page 4 | “Birthing parent” language in work policy – inclusive or erasing women?

InvisibleBumble · 2025-12-17T20:25:46+00:00

Our workplace has just emailed all staff about changes to parental leave. Throughout the email they repeatedly use the term “the birthing parent”. There is no mention anywhere of women, mothers or maternity leave. I’m honestly really uncomfortable with it. In trying to be “inclusive”, it feels like women - and our lived experience of pregnancy, childbirth and recovery - are being erased from a policy that is specifically about leave after giving birth. I’m not anti-inclusion, but I do struggle with language that refuses to even acknowledge women or mothers in this context. Childbirth is not a neutral experience, and maternity leave exists for a reason. It’s really bugged me, but I’m nervous about pushing back at work in case I’m labelled difficult or “not inclusive enough”. Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone challenged this kind of language at work, and if so, how did it go?

NoSoupForU · 17/12/2025 23:41

I've known of this term be used in reference to lesbian couples and genuinely don't see an issue with it.

Toseland · 17/12/2025 23:39

ThatsVertigo · 17/12/2025 21:48

people on these threads confidently assert time and again that "only women can give birth". Not true. Children can and do. This language serves to include them, as well as lesbian couples and transgender people.

Edited

Using 'children who give birth' and lesbians to prop up your defence of destroying women's language and womanhood is particularly despicable.

blubberyboo · 17/12/2025 23:34

SayWhatty · 17/12/2025 21:46

I am 100% against the erasure of sex specific language including "mother". However I would assume this is more about lesbian couples, where there are 2 mothers, only one giving birth.

Birthing parent is a vile term to use when so many other words could be used such as "mother who has given birth"

It doesnt eradicate the sex class whilst including and allowing clarity for lesbian couples that the work policy only applies to them if they are the one that has gone thru pregancy. Or a simple disclaimer at start of maternity policy that it only applies to women who are pregnant. I think most lesbian couples would get it.

GKG1 · 17/12/2025 23:34

justpassmethemouse · 17/12/2025 21:23

Inclusive language by definition doesn’t exclude anyone. I’m sure there are other things to worry about 😊

I feel excluded when the name I call myself isn’t included. That’s how I define exclusion. Who are you to tell me otherwise? That’s how this works isn’t it?

blubberyboo · 17/12/2025 23:25

TreesOfGreen99 · 17/12/2025 21:32

I think it’s clumsy language, but means it’s inclusive for a same sex couple where one mum is giving birth.

There are other ways to include them without excluding every other mother.

blubberyboo · 17/12/2025 23:23

justpassmethemouse · 17/12/2025 21:23

Inclusive language by definition doesn’t exclude anyone. I’m sure there are other things to worry about 😊

This isnt inclusive language though. It excludes women who do more than "birth" their baby. They do mothering, feeding, recovery etc

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 23:19

Pistachiocake · 17/12/2025 23:17

I get what you mean, but a lot of men have been criticised and worse for using terms like chairman/linesman/workmen/mankind. Maybe women have too, I don't know, but I do know someone literally screamed at a man saying he should never be allowed a daughter for using one of these phrases.
My kids say postie, and assistant referee!

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Anyone who literally screams something like that a man for using the word postman or whatever is an idiot who can be safely ignored.

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 23:18

Toseland · 17/12/2025 23:16

The words Mother and Woman are amongst the oldest 20 words known to womankind, loaded with at least 200,000 years of meaning.
To take those words away, to unlink them from women or to try to make any change to their meanings is utterly shocking and dystopian.
It is a purposeful, assault on women, and a slap in the face and demotion for Mothers at the time they should be proudest.
That's how much the Trans lobby hates women.
They insist you use their new or distorted words and believe that men can become women by using menacing threats.
Yet show no respect whatsoever for women.
They are setting up a future where money can be made from women's and children's bodies.
Just imagine the future with no Mothers and anyone can be a "birthing parent". It's a pedophiles dream.

I think you can’t underestimate a) how many pedophiles walk among us and b) how many are intertwined with trans. Trans makes a sacred caste of a subset of men and that always ends badly for women and children.

Pistachiocake · 17/12/2025 23:17

JarvisIsland · 17/12/2025 21:39

Just want to say this made me laugh out loud.

Nothing really helpful to add to the rest of the thread except that in general I hate all this ‘inclusive’ mumbo jumbo that just adds words and makes you go on some sort of word dance to explain simple concepts like maternity leave for new mothers. I feel the same about jobs like postman so it’s not women specific. Postman can be man in the ‘mankind = person’ sense rather than man or woman, it’s much simpler than postal delivery worker. I used to be a linesman at a sport and that’s now become linesperson and it’s a mouthful. Just keep it simple and stop reading into things where there isn’t any ill intent to be read into!

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I get what you mean, but a lot of men have been criticised and worse for using terms like chairman/linesman/workmen/mankind. Maybe women have too, I don't know, but I do know someone literally screamed at a man saying he should never be allowed a daughter for using one of these phrases.
My kids say postie, and assistant referee!

ErrolTheDragon · 17/12/2025 23:16

Dozer · 17/12/2025 21:22

My work did this with the miscarriage and baby loss policy: no use of the word ‘woman’. I complained, it wasn’t changed

wtf? I would think some women suffering from a miscarriage would find the term ‘birthing parent’ deeply upsetting.

Toseland · 17/12/2025 23:16

The words Mother and Woman are amongst the oldest 20 words known to womankind, loaded with at least 200,000 years of meaning.
To take those words away, to unlink them from women or to try to make any change to their meanings is utterly shocking and dystopian.
It is a purposeful, assault on women, and a slap in the face and demotion for Mothers at the time they should be proudest.
That's how much the Trans lobby hates women.
They insist you use their new or distorted words and believe that men can become women by using menacing threats.
Yet show no respect whatsoever for women.
They are setting up a future where money can be made from women's and children's bodies.
Just imagine the future with no Mothers and anyone can be a "birthing parent". It's a pedophiles dream.

andIsaid · 17/12/2025 23:14

Giving birth is really hard, extremely painful and dangerous.

The female, taking all that risk and absorbing all the pain needs to get her due.

The endeavor is not, by its very nature, inclusive.

If the partner, of whatever sex, is pissed off or offended by that, then they are absolutely unfit to be a parent.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/12/2025 23:13

ThatsVertigo · 17/12/2025 21:48

people on these threads confidently assert time and again that "only women can give birth". Not true. Children can and do. This language serves to include them, as well as lesbian couples and transgender people.

Edited

I’d hope to goodness this never going to be relevant in a workplace policy.

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 23:05

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 23:00

Yes but some biological women who give birth may not identify as such, which is their choice, so parent is inclusive in my view. If it not your view that’s fine.

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Oh, and some men who identify as women are fathers but you’ll notice that male words are usually left as they are - it’s only female words that are deemed worthless or unnecessary.

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 23:03

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 23:00

Yes but some biological women who give birth may not identify as such, which is their choice, so parent is inclusive in my view. If it not your view that’s fine.

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Language doesn’t change because some women are delusional. Pandering to delusion isn’t inclusivity. Pretending that childbirth isn’t an exclusively female undertaking is, as I said, profoundly misogynistic and very damaging to women as a class.

Minjou · 17/12/2025 23:02

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 23:00

Yes but some biological women who give birth may not identify as such, which is their choice, so parent is inclusive in my view. If it not your view that’s fine.

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It doesn't matter what they identify as, it's what they ARE. You can't identify out of biological reality, and we don't need to pander to the notion that you can.

Minjou · 17/12/2025 23:01

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 22:55

Well so does birthing parent and it is more inclusive so can’t really see why it is anything to be concerned about.

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It isn't more inclusive. It's fake inclusivity. Every woman who gives birth is the birth mother. 100% of all births, ever, have been by a birth mother. You can't include more people in a category than all the people who are already in a category.

Meaningless, stupid, virtue signalling fake inclusivity. It's insulting.

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 23:00

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 22:56

Birthing parent erases the fact that childbirth is for female people. That matters, a lot. And it’s profoundly misogynistic.

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Yes but some biological women who give birth may not identify as such, which is their choice, so parent is inclusive in my view. If it not your view that’s fine.

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 22:56

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 22:55

Well so does birthing parent and it is more inclusive so can’t really see why it is anything to be concerned about.

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Birthing parent erases the fact that childbirth is for female people. That matters, a lot. And it’s profoundly misogynistic.

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 22:55

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 22:50

Birthing mother does the trick.

We all know why that’s not used.

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Well so does birthing parent and it is more inclusive so can’t really see why it is anything to be concerned about.

Stompingupthemountain · 17/12/2025 22:54

dementedpixie · 17/12/2025 21:28

Only women give birth so the 'birthing parent' is the mother, so why not just say that

But when two women are in a relationship only one of them gives birth. Couples aren’t all heterosexual

Alpinette · 17/12/2025 22:53

It’s grim, unnecessary and panders to the permanently offended. Stop it.

Ddakji · 17/12/2025 22:50

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 22:49

Because the parents could be two women so there is a need to differentiate I imagine.

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Birthing mother does the trick.

We all know why that’s not used.

Sugargliderwombat · 17/12/2025 22:49

Are they just ignoring adoptive parents too?

Whistonia · 17/12/2025 22:49

dementedpixie · 17/12/2025 21:28

Only women give birth so the 'birthing parent' is the mother, so why not just say that

Because the parents could be two women so there is a need to differentiate I imagine.