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Original poster

To be disgusted by murder-suicide reporting?

159 replies

FuckOffWithYourEllipses · 17/12/2025 17:11

Same old story. Elderly man struggling to cope with caring for his ill wife. Violently murders her - battery and strangulation in this case - then kills himself. And the media report it as a mercy killing.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15392635/Retired-salesman-dead-ill-wife-800k-seaside-home-Huntingdons-mercy-killing-suicide.html#

Nothing in the article indicates that this poor woman wanted her husband to end her life.

There is no mention of her being in unbearable pain, of saying she’d had enough, or anything like that. It just says HE was struggling to cope and that her behaviour was difficult.

I totally get that the situation would have been hell on earth for them both. And I get that he would have felt overwhelmed and despairing. But surely that doesn’t mean it’s somehow an act of mercy for him to violently murder her??

All the comments are going on about how sad it is for them both, how sad that he felt forced to kill her, how terrible it must have been for him and so on.

I just find it upsetting how he’s automatically given empathy and the benefit of the doubt even though he murdered his wife in the most violent and terrifying way.

Salesman found dead alongside his 'ill' wife in 'mercy killing'

The bodies of Heather and Michael Newton were found at their £800,000 home near Poole Harbour, Dorset, on New Year's Eve last year.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15392635/Retired-salesman-dead-ill-wife-800k-seaside-home-Huntingdons-mercy-killing-suicide.html#

OP posts:
Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 19:41

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stressedstressed · 17/12/2025 19:40

SambucusEbulus · 17/12/2025 19:07

It says they decided not to have children because of the risk of Huntingdons, which suggests to me that they probably discussed possible scenarios at some length before the disease had progressed or even started.
I'm not saying she definitely told him to kill her with a hammer or whatever it was, but he must have had an idea of what she would have wanted.

Agree. He also could have left her at any point. But he didn’t. He must have loved her very much.

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 19:40

PandoraSocks · 17/12/2025 18:19

If it was a mercy killing, he could have helped her take an overdose.

@Maddyisqueen is right that carers are all too often left to fend for themselves, but there are millions of carers who don't end up violently murdering the person they care for.

Edited

There aren’t really any drugs that will definitely do it

overdoses can go very wrong and you can end up in terrible pain

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 19:39

Notmyreality · 17/12/2025 18:52

You keep saying there is no indication she wanted to end her life. Equally there was indication she wanted to continue living either. You simply don’t know either way. You have the bare minimum of details.
All we know is their lives were hell and they are both better off where they are now.
And as for “they could have gone to Dignitas” give me a break. If I’m ever in that situation I’ll be telling DH to whack me with a hammer as well.

She wouldn’t be able to get to dignatas and if he took her he could be charged

that’s why we need a dignatas here!

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 17/12/2025 19:38

stressedstressed · 17/12/2025 19:34

Well legally it wasn’t up to him, ok.

but morally, well, he was at the coal face with her illness 24/7, had loved her for 40 years, I’d say that actually it could have reasonably been up to him to decide. I mean morally, who else should it be up to?

Im not saying he was necessarily right, but I can see that it’s really not clear cut

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I agree. He could have taken his own life and left her at the mercy of the social care system. Obviously we don’t know, but I suspect he took the more loving option of taking her with him.

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 19:36

FuckOffWithYourEllipses · 17/12/2025 18:10

Perhaps it would have been less brutal via carbon monoxide, but it seems to me that he did everything in his power for her and got desperate.

He could have put her in a nursing home or even just left. If she genuinely wanted to end her life, they could have travelled to Dignitas. The DM helpfully notes the value of their house (🙄) and going by that, they could have afforded those options or to get private carers in.

Yes, carbon monoxide would be far less brutal than strangling and beating her to death. So would suffocation with a pillow while she was sleeping. Or maybe an overdose of medication 🤷‍♀️ The extreme violence he chose doesn’t read as compassionate.

Where would he live?

stressedstressed · 17/12/2025 19:34

PandoraSocks · 17/12/2025 18:23

he chose to kill her first so that she didn’t continue to live in a terrible state

It was not up to him to decide that.

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Well legally it wasn’t up to him, ok.

but morally, well, he was at the coal face with her illness 24/7, had loved her for 40 years, I’d say that actually it could have reasonably been up to him to decide. I mean morally, who else should it be up to?

Im not saying he was necessarily right, but I can see that it’s really not clear cut

Youdontseehow · 17/12/2025 19:34

Gloriia · 17/12/2025 19:08

We all have access to adult social care. They do an assessment they arrange carers yes you may need to pay or newsflash you access carers privately yourself. You don't bludgeon defenceless women.

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Adult social care ……lol

Gloriia · 17/12/2025 19:28

Dollymylove · 17/12/2025 19:12

Its easy to stand in your pulpit and judge others when you have no idea what they have been through

No one is in a 'pulpit', but yes I will judge someone who has bludgeoned his sick defenceless wife to death.

Toastersandkettles · 17/12/2025 19:25

It sounds dreadfully sad for the pair of them. My wonderful GM got dementia and it completely changed her, to the point where she was trying to push my GF down the stairs and also attempted to stab him. They had been happily married for 50 years and he adored her, but there was a moment where he almost snapped and hurt her. She ended up being sectioned and was treated so terribly that she died 3 months later. What she went through was far worse than being hit over the head.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 17/12/2025 19:22

Gloriia · 17/12/2025 19:08

We all have access to adult social care. They do an assessment they arrange carers yes you may need to pay or newsflash you access carers privately yourself. You don't bludgeon defenceless women.

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Its impossible to access carers if the person who needs care refuses and is in denial.
One person can’t just magic up support. Social Services will side with the care refuser because it saves them money. From the article it sounds like her brother describing how much she had declined and that she was having a go at her husband.
I have personal experience of Huntingtons, it’s more complex and challenging than dementia, I avoid talking about it on here because it is so misunderstood. I can easily see how caring for a loved one can 24/7 cause you to flip out, it’s like living with an abusive stranger. Heartbreaking situation, even the most resourceful people would struggle to find help.

ShesTheAlbatross · 17/12/2025 19:22

Youdontseehow · 17/12/2025 18:56

This.
I’m not sure why people think overdosing/poisoning or suffocating someone are somehow “gentler” or more compassionate. Slow multi organ failure or fighting for a breath are not more “humane”.

being knocked unconscious and then dying by strangulation is probably a less stressful way of dying than others suggested.,

Edited
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I’m commenting on the motivation at all but I agree about poisoning. That can be painful, drawn out, and not actually kill you if you don’t get it right. I would not want someone attempt to kill me “gently” with what they hope is a sufficient amount of a drug. If I get dementia, it’s straight on the plane to Switzerland before I’m too far gone, or failing that, a sharp whack to head once I’ve gone past a certain point please.

The article says that because she had the huntingdon’s gene, they decided not to have children. Obviously we’ve no idea but I wouldn’t find it surprising if, in the course of those years and conversations, discussions about the end of her life came up.

PInkyStarfish · 17/12/2025 19:21

Unless you have experienced a family member with Huntington’s you have no idea of the suffering and the strain it puts on the person caring for them if they are a married couple.

PandoraSocks · 17/12/2025 19:17

Dollymylove · 17/12/2025 19:12

Its easy to stand in your pulpit and judge others when you have no idea what they have been through

As a full time carer for my husband who has a rare degenerative neurological condition, I can safely say I am not standing in a pulpit and judging.

@NoArmaniNoPunani I suspect you are right.

NerrSnerr · 17/12/2025 19:17

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 17/12/2025 19:12

I agree with this. I was in a psych ward with a woman with Huntington’s in the 1990s and she was very mentally disturbed as a result of the illness. Nowadays I highly doubt that inpatient beds would be available for those with similar needs so their families would be left to cope with them at home.

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I work in this area and there are still neuro units for the people with highest needs, those not needing a specialist bed would be in a nursing home that specialises in mental health.

BMW6 · 17/12/2025 19:17

Notmymarmosets · 17/12/2025 19:04

I have a family member who may end up doing this.
There is nothing to help him.
Carers are a naive fantasy.
She has assaulted him many many times, with knives and biting, with boiling water. She will attack him if he falls to sleep. She herself doesn't sleep at all at least one in two nights. She has more contact with the police than with social care.
He is 89, with Parkinson's. No one cares. She wishes she were dead. She occasionally says so, but mainly hisses screams and spits and whacks.
I cannot overemphasize how useless medical and care services have been. One or other of them will be murdered soon enough. I think she will kill him before he breaks, but I could be wrong.

This is terrible. Truly horrific. I could totally understand if he gives her an OD of something.

Poor poor people, both of them 😥

NerrSnerr · 17/12/2025 19:16

Huntington’s is an awful and cruel disease. It’s terrible for all involved- people in the early years of the disease often end up estranged from family as the behaviour changes are terrible, before the physical symptoms start. This does not mean in any way that she should have died such a violent death. The fact that is was so violent makes me think that it’s murder (I know it can’t be classed as that as he died). They could have considered nursing care if he was unable to manage. I really hope she didn’t suffer for long.

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 17/12/2025 19:12

Ladamesansmerci · 17/12/2025 18:49

She had Huntington's. It is a horrific disease. She will have had significant behavioural challenges. People usually end up in very specialised placements. When it progresses, you will lose your ability to eat, walk, and communicate.

Given how difficult it is to get things like funding and social care support, I suspect this man simply snapped after years of burnout and carer's fatigue. I actually do have a lot of empathy in this situation.

I agree with this. I was in a psych ward with a woman with Huntington’s in the 1990s and she was very mentally disturbed as a result of the illness. Nowadays I highly doubt that inpatient beds would be available for those with similar needs so their families would be left to cope with them at home.

Dollymylove · 17/12/2025 19:12

Its easy to stand in your pulpit and judge others when you have no idea what they have been through

Gloriia · 17/12/2025 19:11

NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/12/2025 19:08

YANBU. I suspect far more elderly women in abusive relationships are killed and it's passed off as accidental too.

Yes because apparently carers are a 'naive fantasy'. Ive never heard so much enabling and excusing. Someone said sarcastically oh yes why didn't he look in thr yellow pages, well quite why didn't he ring adult social care and ask for help or, I don't know organise a care home?!

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 17/12/2025 19:08

Maddyisqueen · 17/12/2025 17:44

I wonder if he lost his temper and killed her without pre meditation and then decided he had to kill himself

like you say you would hope to choose a nice cocktail - but knot sure they exist anymore

Do you mean that it is harder to source medication online for suicide? I agree that is not necessarily a positive thing and it will lead to more violent methods of death.

Gloriia · 17/12/2025 19:08

Notmyreality · 17/12/2025 19:01

Oh, he should have just asked someone for help…
Of course why didn’t he think of that. Let me get the yellow pages…

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We all have access to adult social care. They do an assessment they arrange carers yes you may need to pay or newsflash you access carers privately yourself. You don't bludgeon defenceless women.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/12/2025 19:08

YANBU. I suspect far more elderly women in abusive relationships are killed and it's passed off as accidental too.

SambucusEbulus · 17/12/2025 19:07

It says they decided not to have children because of the risk of Huntingdons, which suggests to me that they probably discussed possible scenarios at some length before the disease had progressed or even started.
I'm not saying she definitely told him to kill her with a hammer or whatever it was, but he must have had an idea of what she would have wanted.

Notmyreality · 17/12/2025 19:07

PandoraSocks · 17/12/2025 19:02

You are comparing apples with oranges. The wife committed no crime against him.

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No but it’s an example of something that is a crime by the letter of the law but which I would have no hesitation to do if it was the right thing to do at the time.
As I said originally no one has the full details and no one knows the wife’s views, but given their situation I am not surprised he did what he did and have nothing but sympathy for them both.