To be disgusted by murder-suicide reporting?

I am not commenting on the ins and outs of what he did and why - but OP, I agree that the way that men killing women is reported is deeply disturbing and the implication that it was justified in some way is still way too common.

YABU

Have you cared for someone with Huntington’s? With dementia? With other incurable, progressive diseases? Later in life…. People get to the end of their tether and the medical and social care system doesn’t listen, is hard to navigate and often family members (usually the children) are more concerned about inheriting than their parent’s wellbeing. I’m dealing with 3 cases at the moment and if one of these carers killed their own spouse I would not be surprised. So sad but despite trying to advocate for them it’s like hitting your head against a brick wall.

I’m not sure where you are getting the idea that a killer taking their own life afterwards suggests a mercy killing. I mean plenty of mass shooters kill themselves. Family annihalators too.

Unless you have cared for an elderly person and had to see their deterioration,
no one has the right to judge and condemn.
the care of the elderly is appalling and I for one. Would happily end my life if I was of 70+ As I know it will not get better or quality would improve .
It’s horrendous the lack of care for the elderly in the uk and it will come to us all .

No, and in any case it takes months to arrange the process with Dignitas so that isn’t much help for a carer in crisis.

They need informed consent and that you are terminal and will die in next 6 months I think

she’d have to get there on her own steam -
not possible

thats why it’s so difficult if you become incapacitated and need someone to take you - they can’t

ester rantzen is going to travel alone so her children are not charged - so sad

Would Dignitas even take someone in her condition who couldn't give informed consent?

agree - don’t want higher taxes but also don’t want immigration at same time! Can’t have both….not enough money to pay skilled carers so immigrants or unskilled people do those carer roles (often badly - not their fault)

What he did was wrong but I prefer the reports of this to focus on the stress of caring instead of it being as black and white as him being an evil murderer. The burden on carers is huge and largely ignored, even by other family members. Too often, one person is left carrying the load whilst the rest of the family are 'too busy' 'not my responsibility'. Adult Social Care budgets are consistently being squeezed so the wait time for assessments is long and the support available is minimal. Care provision is generally shit so people are terrified to leave their vulnerable loved ones in the care of others as they can't be trusted. All the while we're in a society becoming more and more individualised, people don't want to pay tax for public services, they don't want to help out their family and neighbours so I can't see things getting better anytime soon.

Yes that’s what happened with putting a plastic bottle full of hot water in the bed - they took it too literally - not their fault but obv dangerous

Oh I know. And then you get a couple of non-English speaking “carers” turn up who have very little cultural knowledge to understand how to converse with your loved one.

Those assessments can take up to a year to happen!

Because a decent one is £3k a week???

even then…

they may be property rich and income poor

he wanted to live with his wife?

he would feel guilty?

just a few possibilities

I mean that there are more controls and it is fairly hard to know or do it with existing medication - I guess unless she was on morphine

if it goes wrong you can end up disabled or having a slow and painful death over weeks

its not a straight forward thing where you take drugs and then float off with no pain on your bed

it’s not accessible to many and comes with a low completion rate

Omg do you know how awful these arrangements can be and how unskilled the carers are (not their fault - minimum wage and no training)

even if they come twice a day for an hour - you still have 12 times that left to do your self

a lot of people have no idea how it is for Carers

oh yeah and carers allowance is about £75 a week - total postage when you look at what is charged in residential care

you wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve seen - a plastic bottle full of hot water in a bed! - from the care plan “hot water bottle”

I am not sure you are right.

I know that my DH will want to hang on to the very end, whatever happens. So me bludgeoning him to death becuase I snap or have had enough would be morally wrong.

If we had a pact that he wants me to kill him when his condition deteriorates past a certain point, well that would be another matter. Though I still think bludgeoning him to death would not be acceptable.

Anyway, I am stepping away from the thread now as I am finding some of the views a bit disturbing!

Yes, more loving than leaving her alone to suffer with her unbearable illness

i suspect if his suicide hadn't worked then he would have been judged "unfit to plead" or there would have been a defence of diminished reponsibility. All I would say speaking from a professional POV not a personal one, is if you haven't been there, don't judge.

Society definitely seems to be moving toward a model whereby people are divided into ‘carers’ or ‘cared for’.

Thread after thread about elderly parents needing high level care for 10+ years because we throw the kitchen sink at keeping people alive well past their sell by date. Thread after thread about neurodiverse children who attack their parents, trash the house, will never be independent whether that’s due to learning disabilities or ‘anxiety’ type MH issues. Parents at their wits end being squeezed for every last drop of care with no end in sight and ‘I dread waking up every morning, but they need me’. Their lives just ruined and the torture never ending because carers are basically considered nothing but support humans for their needy loved one.

I think this problem is only going to get worse.

But she did have Huntington’s

'Obviously we don’t know, but I suspect he took the more loving option of taking her with him'

The more loving option?? He snapped and bludgeoned her then strangled her!