To be disgusted by murder-suicide reporting?

My reply was specifically addressing a comment made by @PandoraSocks that implied she knew exactly what was said etc., "but that doesn't seem to be what happened here."

You seem to have missed the part where I wrote "seem". I have never claimed to know exactly what happened or stated anything as fact.

You are very lucky that you can have any kind of conversation with your husband. Things get much tougher when that goes out the window.

I think that was uncalled for. My DH having a rare degenerative neurological condition is in no way "very lucky" for either of us.

To answer the original question. The reporting is rubbish but what else should we expect from the Daily Mail ?

I’ve had a post deleted by MNHQ. My attempt at irony didn’t work. Hey ho.

I have no experience of Huntington’s but I do of Alzheimer’s. I am not a naturally violent person but there have been times when I have had to put something sharp or heavy away and walk away and sob for an hour or more, but I fear the day I am pushed over that line and I don’t walk away.

I’m out of this thread because I don’t think a lot of posters understand what caring for a sufferer does to some carers’ mental health. In my opinion, there are far too many sanctimonious posts from the ‘I haven’t seen it so it doesn’t exist’, ‘I managed so everyone else should be able to’, ‘He should never have resorted to violence’, type.

Some carers manage, some don’t and there is little, if any, provision or support for carers for their mental health deterioration, let alone support for the sufferers.

End of, as I said, I’m now out of here.

I have witnessed someone in the final stages of Huntington’s disease, wandering naked in the street with a machete. It’s a hideous disease. No judgement from me.

Why do the DM think the value of their house is relevant?

Its easy to judge and make assumptions. Its a horrible illness. I feel for them both.

You are very lucky that you can have any kind of conversation with your husband. Things get much tougher when that goes out the window.
As I've said elsewhere, what he did is absolutely and terrifyingly wrong but you should not presume to know what their relationship was like, what was said by who to whom etc, as you have done.

Being battered to death doesn't sound merciful, sounds more like rage.

My reply was specifically addressing a comment made by @PandoraSocks that implied she knew exactly what was said etc., "but that doesn't seem to be what happened here." Was she there? Does she know? The answer is no and this type of speculation leads to all sorts of things, none of them good, including sensationalised stories dished up by such agencies as the Mail.
Naturally, I didn't kill my mother but if I had, I wouldn't expect to get a free pass either. It's not just violent men who perpetrate such crimes.

I repeat that I do not believe what he did was right - it was absolutely terrifyingly wrong - but I do take exception to people believing they know exactly what is going on in other people's lives and in their heads and stating this as fact.

Call me cynical, but it seems there is a financial motive lurking in the background. They had an £800k house and a boat, but no money was thrown at getting the poor lady appropriate care. The wills were left with his suicide notes, as it was a second marriage, I wonder who stands to gain from the inheritance.

Also, her body was found on the kitchen floors, feels more like violent aggression, not mercy. She died terrified being beaten.

YABU do you know how hard it is to take care of someone it’s damn hard and you get zero help from anyone until they are near the end and then everyone is bending over backwards to throw some help at you when it’s too little too late you had been crying out for it for years but no one wanted to listen.

I feel uncomfortable with it.

But don't see it as massively different to women who have killed their own DC and then committed suicide or tried to.

Often it was disabled DC or the Mother was mentally unwell and thought she was 'saving' them from something.

But the DC obviously couldn't consent to being murdered.

If anything that attitude of “toughen up, don’t complain, don’t inconvenience me with your feelings for a moment” is exactly why carers struggle with such guilt and accessing help. What a thing to say.

Exactly, or him. It's crazy that people tried to spin that one into a beautiful love story. For all we know it was a murder suicide.

I need to toughen up?

DM had a husband, brothers, copious friends.

…and yet I am the only one who sits with her in her nursing home while she screams, wails, shakes and hallucinates for hours on end.

i’m tough enough, thanks

I am a full time carer for my DH. We have had those sort of conversations and I know what his wishes are. None of them involve me bludgeoning him to death.

No we dont know what their private life was like but you know exactly what it is like caring for a very demanding and challenging relative. I would guess you too wanted the situation to end but managed to not bludgeon then strangle your dm.

Violent men do not get a pass because the situation was hard.

Again - you don't know and speculation is never a good thing. I'm not defending him or what he did. I spent 10 years caring full time for an increasingly demented mother whose personality changed completely and rapidly over that time and was very very hostile to me personally for the majority of those years so I do fully appreciate their situation, but even then I wouldn't claim to know what their private life was like or what conversations they may have had. No one knows, that's my point.

If they had conversations about him ending her life, I feel almost certain the method discussed would not have been bludgeoning followed by strangling.

You don't know that. You have absolutely no idea what conversations they had had.

Christ, nobody is ‘making excuses.’ It’s not about justification. It’s about understanding. Or trying to understand. Going by the scant information available, it sounds like the couple had a close and loving relationship. Obviously nobody, not even the family, can know this for sure, but assuming there really was no history of abuse or violence, this SEEMS to be a case of someone snapping under pressure. It doesn’t justify what he did, but it might offer an explanation that goes beyond ‘What a bastard.’

To bludgeon a defenceless ill woman then strangle them is so horrifically violent and no amount of mitigating factors makes it understandable or ok

Exactly.

I wonder if he had been violent towards her before. Sadly, some carers do abuse the people they care for.

'I’ve seen HD and Alzheimer’s up close and if I would rather a short violent end than deteriorate for decades and die paralysed and choking after wreaking my family’s lives.'

You'd struggle to find anyone nowadays who hasn't some experience of alzeimers at least.

Of course it's horrible, challenging, deteriorating for decades. But we don't get to choose and we certainly shouldn't be ending anyone's life. Wrecking your families lives? Honestly. People need to toughen up and accept witnessing and helping those suffering is very very hard. Maybe go nc rather than fantasising about short violent deaths.

It's shockign isn't it. 'Ah well social care is a bit patchy, caring can be very challenging'. We know! No excuses for horrific violence there is always another way.

I wish people should stop making excuses for this murderer!! Victim blaming on this thread is horrific! Yes it’s bloody awful sometimes being a carer, you walk out the door and abandon them if needs be, you don’t bludgeon and strangle someone to death.

And yes the reporting is disgraceful.

Yes it’s an awful method. Maybe he just snapped in the midst of an argument. In a normal situation it’s awful. This isn’t a normal situation for either of them. It’s an unimaginable situation for most people. I’ve seen HD and Alzheimer’s up close and if I would rather a short violent end than deteriorate for decades and die paralysed and choking after wreaking my family’s lives.

We don't know if he did ask for help. The issue is with social care help there isn't enough help available to go round.
Social Work will put as much on to families as they can.
The families who shout loudest get the most help and support.
The ones who plod along suffering in silence get nothing.