DS reception nativity - what would you do?

This.

If anything, I'd ask the school for your child to not partake in the show if it is causing him distress. If he finds the experience upsetting he should be allowed to opt out of it, so as to prevent any further distress.

My DD also did not join in. Also EHCP. Also was not up for it. You being there prob won't change the participation level.
Just accept it is what it is. You're not going to get the same experience the NT kids' parents do. Your kid doesn't want to be part of it.
Otoh my joy 4 years later - when she did get on stage - far, far surpassed that of those parents. So it's swings and roundabouts.
Don't add to the teacher stress.

You can ask. Depends on the size of school and numbers as to whether they can say yes or not.
How are you hoping to help? I’m not sure that even my tiny little school would be comfortable with a parent sitting with the children as the performance was happening. Your presence may possibly cause different issues with different children. Do you expect that he will actually go on stage if you sit with him? It’s my experience that children are often less cooperative for their parents than they are for their teacher.

It’s ok to ask but don’t be upset if they can’t accommodate your request. Hope it goes well tomorrow!

He sat with a teacher today so why can’t he sit with one tomorrow?

YANBU - I know my dc primary schools would have absolutely welcomed you and made space for you based on your dc needs.

I have worked on plenty of nativity plays and would not mind a parent asking this. Depending on a multitude of different circumstances, it might be allowed, it might not. But there is no harm in making the suggestion and letting the school know that they have your support in making these things as accessible as possible for your child. As you as you accept it graciously if they say no, it’s fine to ask the question.

I mean you can suggest it. I was a Reception teacher for many years and whether or not I'd have been open to that suggestion would depend on various factors, I wouldn't be annoyed by the suggestion but present it as a 'just a thought' way, not a demand.

Honestly, the Christmas performance is for the parents more than anything. I'm silently fuming that DD's this year was just a few songs over in 15 minutes and I feel robbed of my cute nativity moment, but that's with my parent head on. With my teacher head, I know that the children aren't actually getting that much from it. Having to rehearse endlessly, the amount of curriculum time it takes up, sitting still whilst increasingly stressed teaching staff slowly loose their minds around you and gesture wildly at you to speak up/ sing louder/ stop fidgeting. We can say oh it's a formative experience, builds confidence, helps to understand and appreciate the Christmas story, tradition, participating in a cultural activity, performing for an audience etc etc. And that's a tiny bit true, but not appropriate for all children, and really it's mostly for the parents because they expect it.

A long way of saying - your son really isn't missing anything hugely important if he's not included. But it's ok for you to be sad that you're missing that first Nativity experience, and to wish it was more enjoyable for your son.

Also OP, imagine if EVERY parent with an overwhelmed child/ child with ASD did this? Utter madness.

I attend tomorrow and sit on the side with him so he can join in.

no, really don't ask for that! The last thing the school need is for parents to sit on the side, you are being a bit silly

I am kind of dumbfounded reading this. My DS is also in reception and I just could not imagine doing this (regardless of needs).

They are at school, they are the teachers responsibility just leave it be.

Mt DS had a carol concert and many children were overwhelmed and shy however it was the kids with the needs that got the support/attention and those other kids left to fend for themselves.

"He will not have the understanding to reason with him why we won’t be there tomorrow."

This wouldn't have been any different if he had gotten involved today. It comes across more that you want to see him in the nativity rather than he needs you to be in attendance.

I would leave it now. As others have said, many children feel overwhelmed being on stage in front of strangers. School staff are used to it and act accordingly.

This^
I would seriously consider if it would be better for him and manageable for you to withdraw him from the Nativity. I think it’s too much sometimes in December for any child especially if there are some additional needs.
My teen daughter has additional needs so I’m talking from experience.

These things happen. I would be very proud of my child and would tell them so.

I would not ask to go back tomorrow. It's not about seeing your child 'perform'. It's just about being there for them no matter what!

As a parent of a child with ASD, and a ALN teacher, I would not interfere.
Staff will not need your support in school, if you have any concerns about your son please speak with staff, who will ensure someone is sat nearby to support him, or you could ask that he sits out of the performance all together, and has 1:1 in the classroom.

Most young children find it incredibly overwhelming at school performances, especially reception age. It’s completely natural to be upset, especially with all of the parents looking on.

As parents we tend to overthink and worry, if not baby our children. His independence will grow without having you there at his side during school hours.

I wouldn't. It's reception, lots of children will be upset parents aren't there.

I can't see what this would accomplish. Super common for wee ones not to participate in the nativity for all sorts of reasons and no one will have made a fuss about it.

Am also a little confused about what you're asking for - an extra ticket? Some special accommodation so you're on stage?

I would be more inclined to withdraw him from it. Have a good think about why you want him to be part of it and what he is communicating to you (I don't know so not trying to mansplain it to you). If he is trying to opt out because he isn't enjoying it then I would be facilitating that.

If you consider it and genuinely think he wants to be part of it and needs support then chat to the teachers about what of the best plan

Kindly Lots of kids that age get overwhelmed doing the nativities it’s not limited to ASD diagnoses so I’d be prepared that school say no because if they allowed it for one they’ll have to allow it for all

Sorry but tickets are allocated so don’t come back complaining you couldn’t get another.

But if you were there today and he still couldn't join in, how will you being there tomorrow help? I'd just withdraw him from it tbh. Not all kids are ok with performing in front of strangers - I also have an ASD kid with an EHCP and I just wouldn't push it at all.

you can ask but i don’t be stroppy with them if they say no. Our school has tight numbers and are really strict on this.

we always split the tickets and one parent attends on each day.

They’ve got a million things to be dealing with this time of year. I’d just leave it.