DS reception nativity - what would you do?

I went to a nativity last year where a mum kept walking up to the stage and going "COME ON CHARLIE, JOIN IN" and sat with him on the stage and sang until he had a massive tantrum and she carried him off. Needless to say Charlie nor mum were present for the Christmas performance this year.

I am sure that won't be you, though.

It is thoughtful that you want your DS to join in and be a part of it - but is this something that DS wants, or just you? Was he happy to sit on teacher's knee and be there but not part of it? If he is dead keen but got nerves on the day then all for you supporting him to feel comfortable and join in and glad the school are accommodating this,

Me too! Confused how this thread has gone

As a retired Early Years teacher and veteran of 30 nativity plays I can tell you that there is nearly always one child who is a bit overwhelmed by it for varying reasons. Be comforted by the fact that he was happy to sit and watch from the safety of a teachers lap. To be honest I think if he sat on your lap he would be even less likely to want to leave it and join in.

I think people got the impression that your child didn't want to participate because your post said "He has just had his nativity today, he got upset as it started and didn’t leave a teacher (who is not in his class) knee the whole time." ... So they were suggesting that giving them the choice to attend so they aren't upset is also a reasonable adjustment.

In future, split it so you go to one show and Dad goes to the other?

It could be quite the opposite he really might care a lot ! Children with ASD thrive on routine and structure and if he felt he wasn’t sticking to the schedule of the nativity he could be distressed ?

I’m shocked at some of the responses. We’ve always done this with Ds and dd both have ASD and the school encourages parents to help in this sort of way.

Im glad your school are as understanding @christmas2025nativity and I hope it means your Ds can join in and feel more relaxed with you there

Would the school think your reasonable adjustment is reasonable? Or is it a pain in the arse and setting unnecessary precedents?

It would be for you rather than for him. At this age, he really doesn't care if his role in the nativity went to plan or not.
The staff have enough to deal with.

I would just keep him off tomorrow, the last week of term is really hard for ND children.

I will say that I think you need to look at whether your actions are actually supportive or not, because that’s not how it comes across. It has nothing to do with the EA and a reasonable adjustment does not mean anything the parent wants.

This, in spades!

OP it's always worth having a conversation with the teacher to find out what can be accommodated.

My DC school would always rather DC with ASD participated in an activity with the support of a parent, rather than opt out of the activity or feel upset/unable to join in.

I do have (three) children with autism (as well as other needs, and extra support thanks to their EHCP). I really do not understand why you are putting him through this again. He’s performed once, you saw it, he wasn’t happy, why subject him to that again??

Schools have got a lot going on, at this time of year. I’d just leave it. There will be other plays/shows.

you asked what you should do.

90% said say nothing.

Then you went and asked, which you were always going to do anyway werent you, so wasnt really any point making thread asking what to do.

Glad to hear the school are happy to this. Sounds like they are really supportive. My child used to struggle to eat food at lunch time (again he is ASD). My primary school were happy to let one of his parents go in at lunchtime to sit with him and help him eat. Schools hopefully really only want the best for our children

Well I hope it helps but it sounds like he found the noise and the performing overwhelming which is understandable lots of 4 years olds do. It's sad when they want to join in and get overwhelmed but in my experience a parent being there often does the opposite of what your intending but obviously you know your son best so we can't actually advice you all that well.

No I wouldn't. The nativity isn't fun for every child I have one ND child who loves being on stage and it is my NT child that stands on the edge almost in tears often having a cuddle from a random teacher.

I’m stunned how many think this totally reasonable adjustment isn’t something to request. Glad you were supported op.

I really don't understand why you think attending tomorrow will help him?

I'm surprised the staff agreed to be honest.

Not sure what the point of this thread was.

It may not change his “participation level” but it will probably help with his stress level. It will also free up a teacher, which is why I’m not surprised the school has snapped OP’s hand off!

Parents of children with this type of additional need do tend to learn quickly that “accepting that it is what it is” isn’t always the best approach. As long as OP is polite and respectful, asking for minor accommodations is fine.