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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

269 replies

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:17

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 17/12/2025 16:04

I get that it upsets you... what I don't get is that you are concerned your DD is disappointed her aunt doesn't buy presents for her but you have no concern about how your DD will be impacted if you cut her aunt out of her life.

I don't think YABU to be annoyed about this but YANBU to consider such a serious and drastic thing as cutting off a family member.

sleepyjessie · 17/12/2025 16:03

Itiswhysofew · 17/12/2025 15:57

Not sure what's going on in her head, but it seems like she doesn't give a fig about anyone.

I've got a sister who's a taker and has been thoughtless the majority of her life. I gave up caring about her behaviour ages ago. There's nothing I can do to change her. Don't let it get to you.

I don’t give cards because it’s an absolute waste of money and a tree for a bit of paper that will only be on display for a week.

Eyesopenwideawake · 17/12/2025 15:59

I would LOVE to hear the sister's side of this.

ChangeIsDue · 17/12/2025 15:58

I wouldn't cut anyone off - relative or friend - for any one perceived thing.

yolopp · 17/12/2025 15:57

youalright · 17/12/2025 14:25

You're being ridiculous 🙄. Actually cutting a family member of and going no contact over a present. Do you not understand the seriousness of what you are saying and the impact it would have on your whole family.

Absolutely this

Maddy70 · 17/12/2025 15:57

No need to cut off just agree no presents for each other.
So much drama!

Itiswhysofew · 17/12/2025 15:57

Not sure what's going on in her head, but it seems like she doesn't give a fig about anyone.

I've got a sister who's a taker and has been thoughtless the majority of her life. I gave up caring about her behaviour ages ago. There's nothing I can do to change her. Don't let it get to you.

yolopp · 17/12/2025 15:56

You're being totally unreasonable and I think you're avoiding having to communicate with her about this issue so it's easier to cut her off. Just have a chat with her and ask her if she would prefer to stop exchanging presents. You never know, there might be a reasonable explanation. You won't know that until you communicate with her.

Also, pls think about the impact cutting her off would have on the rest of your family.

sleepyjessie · 17/12/2025 15:52

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:24

grabby behaviour? 😂 we are talking about a quid for a birthday card to show a bit of effort and acknowledgement. It actually shows that I care about who makes an effort with my child and who doesn’t - blood or not 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Yes it is grabby. You’re not just complaining about a card, it’s about the gift too.

AutumnLover1989 · 17/12/2025 15:51

I wouldn't cut her off but i'd most certainly stop giving her cards and gifts.

CaptainMyCaptain · 17/12/2025 15:51

NewGoldFox · 17/12/2025 14:18

I don’t think I would cut her off just don’t gift her anything on Christmas or her birthday 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agree. Less dramatic but more to the point.

RedToothBrush · 17/12/2025 15:49

BlackStrayCat · 17/12/2025 15:39

The real issue is sibling rivalry.

Well exactly.

She doesn't like her sister and she wants a 'reason' to go NC.

Just go NC if you feel like that. She isn't going to solve the problem by suddenly buying presents for her niece. No one should pretend otherwise and that its remotely to do with the present/card.

I can't be arsed with this drama. If you want to, then be honest and own it rather than all these shitty little excuses which usually also contain a huge amount of hypocrisy anyway.

I'm fairly sure theres not a law that says you have to get on with your family.

BlackCat14 · 17/12/2025 15:48

I understand you’re hurt but also…cutting her off seems VERY dramatic, unless there’s much more to this story?!?!

WestwardHo1 · 17/12/2025 15:46

You would honestly "cut off" a sister because of this?

Cutting off is usually reserved for really seriously damaging, toxic or abusive behaviours. People seem to do it at the drop of a hat these days. Is it because of social media?

Anonymouseposter · 17/12/2025 15:46

She does sound selfish,yes and it’s a shame she doesn’t take more interest in her niece. Have you thought this through practically though. How would you manage not to see her at all when she lives with your parents? I would just back away and lessen your contact without making an announcement. I wouldn’t buy anything for her and if your Mum says anything I would just say that your sister is grown up now and doesn’t even buy your daughter anything so you’re stopping the one sided gifts.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 17/12/2025 15:44

Dramatic to cut her off. Imagine all the drama and agro that would cause all because she didn’t buy your child presents.

SixSevenX · 17/12/2025 15:44

I’m in a similar position so following!

Kimura · 17/12/2025 15:42

Instead of 'calling her out' and threatening to cut her off over a 15 quid Christmas present, have you tried having a grown up conversation with her about it?

"NIECE really likes her cool Auntie, it'd really mean a lot to her if you got her a little gift, she's into XYZ."

PapaSatanicus · 17/12/2025 15:40

At the end of the day some people seem to only care about themself. You should simply take her lead, no cards or presents from your and yours, and don’t make an effort any other time either.

There is no point “cutting her off” - as she probably won’t even notice.

nayals · 17/12/2025 15:39

KaleidoscopeSmile · 17/12/2025 15:27

What a surprise. Opinion isn't going OP's way so we get an almighty drip feed about how she's otherwise a hideous human being.

OPs usually just say that someone's racist when they're "losing" AIBU so I suppose OP's made quite an effort here.

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She’s not even made her sound that bad tbh

BlackStrayCat · 17/12/2025 15:39

The real issue is sibling rivalry.

Funnywonder · 17/12/2025 15:34

RedToothBrush · 17/12/2025 15:30

This issue isn't the lack of present or card.

Don't pretend it is.

It runs a lot deeper.

So whats the REAL issue and why are you using this as an excuse?

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Christ, what are you? The Spanish Inquisition? The OP has provided the information she wants to. Probably best to just work with that.

RedToothBrush · 17/12/2025 15:30

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:27

Because that’s the only time she makes the effort to see her, unless my mum takes her back to her house where my sister lives.

Show quote history

This issue isn't the lack of present or card.

Don't pretend it is.

It runs a lot deeper.

So whats the REAL issue and why are you using this as an excuse?

Jamesblonde2 · 17/12/2025 15:27

I would just have your DD open her presents from your other family members in front of your selfish sister. Then once they’re opened, sit and look at her….waiting…..

KaleidoscopeSmile · 17/12/2025 15:27

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 15:10

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

What a surprise. Opinion isn't going OP's way so we get an almighty drip feed about how she's otherwise a hideous human being.

OPs usually just say that someone's racist when they're "losing" AIBU so I suppose OP's made quite an effort here.

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