To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

Read the post again - and the impacts and wider ripples

you sound like you have healthy family system that allows for the discriminate giving of money where no one takes offence

maybe that relative was expressing how it made them feel

you are niave if you think most families function like yours - OPs family sounds rife with conflict

No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

I completely disagree! My money and finances are absolutely none of my kids business! I may give one child an amount for something one year but maybe the other needs some money a year later etc! They wouldn’t question it, the same as i would never ask interfere about what my parents give to my siblings! We had a relative who constantly did that and all that happened was everyone kept secrets from them!

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

Op OF COURSE it’s not bloody unreasonable to expect your sister to buy her only niece a card on her birthday! Only on Mumsnet is this ‘entitled and grabby behaviour’ - Mumsnet only considers legal relationships aka marriage, relationships where you can expect anything at all or any kind of care.

Of course it is her business - because it isn’t a healthy family system where everyone is treated equally!!!!

or things are named and processed “look I’ve had to help your sister out again - obviously I’m there for you if you need me to one day”

No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️

Simple - this!

I don’t think I would cut her off just don’t gift her anything on Christmas or her birthday 🤷🏻‍♀️

Op OF COURSE it’s not bloody unreasonable to expect your sister to buy her only niece a card on her birthday! Only on Mumsnet is this ‘entitled and grabby behaviour’ - Mumsnet only considers legal relationships aka marriage, relationships where you can expect anything at all or any kind of care.

Im going to be honest here, you sound jealous of your mums relationship with her. Its not really any of your business how much money your mum gives her and what behaviour your mum tolerates from her. Your mother is a grown adult and if she was upset by all of this its up to her to deal with. You clearly dislike your sister so the best thing you can do is to simply have as little to do with her as you can but remain polite and civil when you do have to see her.

Oh no, she definitely expects things back in return! 😂 my mum nearly had a fit the first time I didn’t send my sister anything for an occasion - after she didn’t bother with DD - because of how my sister reacted

I stopped giving her anything last year when she didn’t buy anything for DD on both occasions. It’s the lack of effort on her part that is hurtful - that she can’t take 5 minutes out to buy a birthday card for her next time she’s in the supermarket 🤷‍♀️

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

I am surprised by some of these replies.

She is a grown adult who is capable of buying something for her niece.

Its funny because there is a thread about a DH not buying a good enough present and posters are saying how selfish he is, if this is an ongoing problem she should leave etc.

My younger brother is exactly the same.
Lives at home and is babied and thinks it’s not his responsibility to buy gifts or make an effort. My mum used to buy a present and sign it from him but she’s stopped doing that now.
It’s just what you do with family, especially kids, you get them a present.
I have not cut him off but I told him he’s selfish and needs to grow up.

I don’t think you’re grabby or entitled to expect a present for your child at all.

grabby behaviour? 😂 we are talking about a quid for a birthday card to show a bit of effort and acknowledgement. It actually shows that I care about who makes an effort with my child and who doesn’t - blood or not 🤷‍♀️