To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Which is it?

I’d buy her a gift and leave it in the car. If she doesn’t give you or your daughter a gift then I’d leave it in the car, obviously I wouldn’t give it to her otherwise.

I agree it’s more about the care than the gift itself.

I suspect you want to go no contact for other reasons and that is valid - but this non present giving isn’t reason enough to go no contact.

Well that's not your problem, that's your mums. She can deal with her daughter as she sees fit, including buying her what she wants. Doesn't have to include you.
Just forget all presents. Don't buy for her, she won't buy for you. If she moans, she moans. She can't force you to buy her things. You don't like her anyway, so if she gets the hump so what.

So she makes an effort on your daughter's birthday then.

I wouldn't cut her off, no.
From your posts it doesn't sound like she expects anything for herself from you all? Maybe she just doesn't want to do gifts at all, and I'd be ok with that.
You obviously don't like her very much which I'd say is more of a reason to step back than the lack of gifts.

Goodness that’s certainly you told op!
I don’t think you are unreasonable (or grabby) to expect your sister to mark your daughter’s birthday in the way traditionally expected, it’s pretty poor form from the aunt in question and unkindness/thoughtlessness towards a child is just gross.
I still vote don’t cut her off but let her behaviour set the tone for your relationship.

If you don’t like her thats all the reason you need to not bother with her, you don't need to use the lack of gifts for your child.

My brother only has one nephew (my DS) and he hasn’t once sent him as much as a card for his birthday. I won’t ever stop buying for his children though as it’s not their fault that he’s a nob. We aren’t close as siblings at all though so there’s no point cutting him off as I only see him at Christmas anyway. I wouldn’t cut her off over it, just don’t give her a card or present and don’t start buying for her children if she has them.

Gosh I always forget birthday cards. It's nice to receive them but they're always unexpected. You say it's a quid next time she's at the supermarket but maybe cards aren't even on her radar.
I rarely remember what I went to the supermarket for in the first place.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. My DH provided a lot of support for his nephew over many years. In some ways I feel his DB took advantage of him. This wasn’t just financial but also logistical and to some degree emotional support.

Fast forward a decade or so and DH and I had a DS who is now 4. BIL has never even acknowledged our DS exists.

We let it lie in the early stages but after a while it felt like such an awful way to act we went NC with BIL and haven’t spoken to him or seen him for well over 3 years. Our DS doesn’t even know he exists and we’re happy to keep things like that.

There comes a point when it’s the only reasonably option. Only you can decide if you’ve reached that point. We were certain we had and are very comfortable with our decision. I doubt we’ll ever see DB/BIL ever again.

So what if she doesn’t independently visit your daughter. Not everyone is child centric and honestly you don’t sound like you like her at all so why would she visit.

I only see the nephews and nieces when it’s a larger family thing.

I don’t oh I must go visit Tommy it would be nice to spend time with him… because I’m firstly not a lier and secondly have my own life.

Bit of an overreaction imo.

Falling out over token gifts is silly. Better to remind her to call or send dd a message on her birthday and leave it.

the effort to actually see her on her birthday matters much more

You're not owed a gift or a card from anyone for you or your DD. Just accept that you don't exchange presents with this sister.

No, of course I would not cut off a family member because they did not buy my child birthday or Christmas presents.

Human relationships are far too fleeting, far too precious, to be discarded for such trivial reasons.

Of course it is disappointing that your sister has not embraced her role as an aunt with the enthusiasm others might have and it would be fine to scale back your own efforts (sounds like you already have). But cut her off because of it? No absolutely not. That would be entirely disproportionate and unreasonable.

She doesn't have to see your child. That's her choice whether to have a relationship with her or not.

Your child is entirely your responsibility. Other people can choose their sort of interactions with her.

You can't force people to do what you want, which seems to be how you are acting.

You don’t sound so great yourself

A £1 card that will end up in the recycle bin means nothing. My parents got me card, and they were fairly appalling people

Yes you would be being unreasonable to completely cut her off for not buying cards and presents.

She sounds either like she doesn't place any value on cards and presents, or a bit self focussed or a bit of both. That may change in the future, or it may not. But it's not enough to stop any relationship between your DD and her Aunt, or between the two of you. Unless there's a hell of a lot else going on that you haven't mentioned here.

Cutting off is an overreaction. I mean sure if she only did it to your child.

However she buys no birthday gifts or cards so you just need to accept she doesn’t celebrate birthdays. No different to being friends or family with someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas.

So 'no one likes your sister', you think she spends money on the wrong things and that despite her making the effort to come and see your child on her birthday, that's not good enough.

No, that's ridiculous. I have family members who dont do cards or presents, it's fine, there's no obligation.

This cutting off of everyone for anything is going to an absurd level now.