Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

But asking isn't being uptight about it. It's just asking for a possibility. If she was told no then threw her toys out of the pram and said it was completely unacceptable that would be a very different scenario.

Any talk of "traditional" reminds me of the peep show Christmas dinner. I bet it's pretty representative of many family Christmas dinners.

It's rude to ask because it puts the person doing the work and bearing the cost into a position of having to justify their choices.

They shouldn't have to.

As for 'go with the majority' - no. It's not your guests' decision - it is yours as the host and the guests can decide to attend or not.

If you attend as a guest - be on time, bring a host gift, keep out of the way of the cook, offer help for clearing up and then thank the host.

Do not question them, criticise their menu, their cooking skills, their home, get in their way, demand things that are not offered or sit around doing nothing,.

This. No need to make more of it than that.

Indeed. Would SiL write to a bride and groom and ask them to bring the wedding breakfast forward? It’s one day, and she’s a guest.

But equally, I can't imagine being so rigid and fussy about something as trivial as meal timings as to ask the host to change their plans. My own family is thankfully very much of the "go with the flow" mentality, and nobody would dream of being uptight about mealtimes.

Unless you serve dinner at 8pm and she has children under 7yrs, I can’t see why she feels she can dictate?

She’s a guest. Your house, your schedule.

OP, why has this request got to you much that you can't believe the cheek of her and feel the need to write out all your justifications here on why you don't want to change your plan? There must be more to it than your SIL asking if the main meal could be done at the more traditional time, as all you would need to do is say it doesn't suit you to change the plan. Why the big fuss? Something is missing from the OP.

💯🤣

And again...this!

Tell her she has two choices, put up or fuck off.

I think it depends how she asked and why she asked.

With family, I would be more inclined to make suggestions like this (unless very new addition maybe). As my family expanded with siblings getting married and children, we have moved to a more "democratic" process now to agree on Xmas plans with my family, and i think it works much better than "your house, your rules".

Everyone does contribute a lot more too so it's less pressure on the hosts (usually my parents).

So for me it's fine that she asked, and it's fine to say that you prefer to keep the current schedule. If her main reasons is "to keep with tradition" then indeed I don't think it's good enough to change your plans.

On the other hand, I personally wouldn't like have a big dinner late, after having nibbles/picky food for lunch and big breakfast. Its too much food overall, and I would probably not be hungry for dinner.

That's actually one of the big change my family has made, we do Xmas lunch at normal lunch times, then light dinner/fancy nibbles at dinner for those who wants.

All we know is that the SIL wants a 'traditional' Christmas lunch at lunchtime.
Nothing to do with digestive issues (unless the Op is withholding other reasons).

Speak for yourself.

If one of my guests asks something politely and explains why, then as the host I will consider whether I'm willing to do that. It may well be something I am not fussed about, how will they know unless they say something?

My elderly parents can't eat a big meal late due to digestive issues, should they not say anything because "if someone is hosting you, then you eat when they want to"? Do you genuinely think they should turn my invite down with no explanation?! Or sit and not eat the meal I've spent all day cooking?

If someone demanded, dictated, insisted, whinged or otherwise was a nuisance - that is entirely different. If that's the case here though, the OP has not said so.

Ensuring my guests are comfortable is one of the things I am concerned about when hosting. I am genuinely surprised that so many people think otherwise. Don't worry, I will definitely turn down any invitation from you!

Because she is just one guest, it's incredibly rude to complain about your hosts timings. Does anyone really think the SIL will say 'oh, OK, no worries' if the OP says 'no, these are the timings that suit me'? There's no conversation to be opened.

If she said 'dinner is a bit late for little Xavier so I'll take some snacks for him to see him through' that would be OK.

Oh Wow! She’s a guest. Unless there is a massive drip feed then she doesn’t get to be involved with logistics, especially as she doesn’t contribute.

We have lunch. I cook, I choose. It works for us as then I get to relax in the afternoon. Turkey, stop for The King, Pudding then presents while the dishwasher (machine!) starts the cleanup.

I disagree, to try and change a hosts plans based on your own preference is both rude and cheeky imo.

Are SIL's the new MIL's on MN at the moment?
If it was a polite suggestion, I can't see why she's being so maligned.
It would still be a no though - do what suits you as hosts.

Has she just asked, or demanded? I think the cheek depends on that really.

I'm amazed at all these threads about xmas guests dictating rules.

Too many people these days unable to distinguish between a polite request for discussion and being dictated to more like.

I think it's pretty cheeky to think that, as a guest in someone else's house, you can ask them to change their entire plan to fit around your personal preferences.

She's a guest. Dictating timings is not cool. Dietary reqs, fair enough. If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. Hold firm.

I disagree; if you are being hosted then it is polite (unless life-threatening) to fall in with the traditions of the post family. Too many people today seem to think that they can just dictate what everybody else does. It’s time that they learned that they are not the centre of the universe 😞

Well, you’re hosting so you can do what you want.

Christmas dinner in the evening is a bit weird though so can see where your SIL is coming from. Nice breakfast and presents in the morning, Christmas lunch around 2, afternoon for sleeping or playing games.

The canapés are unnecessary and messing up the running order!