Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

And that's the point, really, isn't it?

I wouldn't like to have my Christmas meal in the daytime, but if someone was being kind enough to host me, I would just go along with their plans.

Or decline the invitation if it really didn't work for me.

Just to say that we have our dinner at dinnertime too - Slow morning, pancakes eventually, some sort of snacky lunch with dips / olives / fun cheeses / whatever we fancy, maybe a walk or playing a new game and then later afternoon my husband starts cooking and we eat around the same time we usually do.

I would hate to have Christmas dinner in the evening. Who wants to wait around all day for the highlight of the day?!

That being said, I would never in a million years ask a host to change their plans!

I kind of agree, but I also think maybe you shouldn't go and stay with other people if you have young children who can't cope without sticking to very rigid routines? You can't really expect to impose those routines on others?

It’s really not weird. I’d never heard of people eating in the afternoon until I joined Mumsnet. Everyone I know has Christmas dinner.

Are there young children so it's a bedtime thing?

you don't need to justify anything anyway - just curious. You are hosting in the way you want and she can come or not - super simple.

How has she “made her sound like an ogre”?! She has described exactly what happened. I must have missed the bit about her SIL crunching up sheep in her teeth while mediaeval villagers run screaming.

I get why the op prefers what her DHs family does on Christmas Day. Eating Christmas dinner at 2pm is madness. I tried that for 3 Christmas's at Miller and Carter I couldn't finish it and it felt like a waste. I prefer spreading out the meals you don't get pissed when you eat good meals throughout the day.

I think it depends if there are young kids involved. Children should be at the heart of Christmas imo and and meal times should be at vaguely reasonable times so that they aren’t over tired/hungry or, on the flip side, not wanting to eat later because the routine is so off.

However, if kids are all primary age or there are no kids then UANBU and SIL can take a jump…

I think it's rude of her to ask, frankly. If you accept someone's hospitality, you expect to fall in with their arrangements.

Sounds like my sister in law, strangely whenever we invite her and her family the time never suits. My 60th birthday was planned for 1pm on 14th (my own family live in another country), we were asked to change to following week and 2 hours later.
Eventually I stopped inviting them, maybe that was her intention lol 😆

We're evening Christmas-diners too. No right or wrong but the host decides and it's very rude to ask for a different schedule. She doesn't have to attend if she doesn't fancy it?

First post nails it.

Actually love your idea of Xmas eating well your DHs family sounds great!!!!!
I'm deffo doing your version next year ! So thank you for the idea 💡
Your the host so I'd just b nice and say sorry I'm working to my own schedule maybe if u host next year we can eat earlier on your schedule 😁

Of course it is cheeky, very cheeky. I don't know how many @Cartaz cooks for, but of course the person/people who are providing and cooking the food should be the ones to decide at what time they are doing so!

Maybe if all the guests coming to their house for dinner, all said en masse, that they wouldn't be coming to the hosts for their Christmas dinner this year as they had other plans, but when questioned nicely by the OP - if she didn't ask nicely, she would also be in the range of being a CF - if they all admitted it was because of the timing of the dinner, then she might have considered going back to what tends to be more the norm for the hosts' nearest and dearest.

But one lone voice complaining about the timing, and actually asking for it to be changed, is to me, the very essence of CFuckery.

It's rude because if you are invited as a guest... you accept or decline... you don't start making requests.

But the OP clearly has a plan already. Surely the gracious thing to do is to just accept the host's plan? It is uptight to ask for that plan to be changed simply because you prefer a different schedule. Most people would just accept the host's plan as they are the one that will be doing the cooking.

It's pretty rude for a guest to ask for major changes to be made just for them. Politely stating a preference is OK, but then just accept the host's way of doing things IMO.

We have a sizeable brunch and eat around 4 and nibbles around 9ish. Everyone seems happy with that.

Yes, I agree with this too.

Christmas guests are usually close family. This all sounds very formal.

In our house it's more like:
Sis: hey sis, are you making bread sauce?
Me: errrr no, can't stand the stuff, you make it yourself if you want
Sis: can't be arsed, can I open another bottle of fizz?
Me: sure, I'll have one too please.

Or they'll hear me clattering around in the kitchen and stage an intervention so I can have a break.

You are hosting. Your rules.

We have cooked breakfast around 8.30. Crepes and coffee at 11. And still get nagged if lunch isn't ready before 2!!
Thanks sil for offering to have the lunch ready at a time of her choosing...

It isn't "weird" at all - it's perfectly normal for many families.

We do a big Christmas brunch at around 11ish and then the main meal in the evening. If people are hungry in between, they can have a piece of Christmas cake or a mince pie etc.

There is no "right" or "normal" way of doing things. Just what works for each family. And it is usually the host that decides when meals will be served.

So patronising. I am just saying to OP why I support the SiL. However, since they are all family, it is perfectly reasonable to have a discussion about the timetable for Christmas. We do it every year, no matter who is hosting there is always a consensus. It’s polite, it’s inclusive and makes for a very lovely day.

But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

As long as she asked in a polite "would you consider" sort of way then I don't see the problem. It might be that she thinks you're flexible. It wouldn't bother me if someone asked me similar, as long as they then accepted my response in good grace.

We have our Christmas meal when it's ready. We might have it early afternoon if we're been home all morning, we might have it much later if we'd been out to see someone.
This year we're having it on the 27th!