Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

So we can agree to disagree on that.

In my book, it would be impolite for a Christmas guest to ask the host to structure the entire day around their personal preferences, and as a host, I would be astonished if any of my guests were cheeky enough to do this. I might well go along with their request, but I would consider it rude that they asked.

You're the host, you set the schedule. She can have her roast dinner at the time of her choosing when she hosts.

I suspect it's because she wants to leave earlier in the day.

Absolutely

@Cartaz Are there small children to cater for, and is that why she might be asking?

And I don't see any polite request as a lack of manners.

The point is, I wouldn't be wedded to the plan, and I would probably change it in order to keep my guests happy...unless I thought it would spoil things for other people.

But I would also think that the person requesting the change of plan was fucking rude.

As for formality? No, my family is anything but formal. I guess we just don't see basic manners as a formality.

I can't believe anyone has breakfast ,lunch and dinner on Christmas day....I would be way too full to enjoy the dinner at the end TBH
You're hosting though so your call.

An odd request. Just say no, this is your family's tradition.

This! Why should the cook never be free to go to church if he or she wants to?

My mother never cooked for lunchtime on a Sunday either, same reason.

It's nice to take your guests preferences into consideration, makes you a good hostess. However, you are the hostess, it's your house, you're preparing the meal, you're preparing the home, you're choosing how the day goes forward... As others have said, TV's free to voice her opinion however, it is your home and while you are the hostess, you choose. She should show up happy and grateful, and if she doesn't, she will not be your guest again

Cheeky. For what its worth we do it your way, roast at about 6pm after a good late breakfast and no lunch.

I agree with the first posts, tell her she can do what she wants when she hosts and leave it at that. Brook no complaining!

I'm the opposite: I can't eat a large meal after about 4.00pm.

We always have our main Christmas meal at lunchtime, starting between about 12.30 and 1.00pm and usually finishing at about 2.30pm.

I don't like eating too late... but in this case I'd just have a bigger lunch and a small plate for dinner! I can't imagine being a guest and asking someone to change plans... especially as OP is making multiple meals for guests by the looks of it.

Yes indeed, and I must be almost 100% Hyacinth at this stage because I’m shocked by how many here think SIL has every right to request that the meal be rescheduled for her.

Even if eating the meal so ‘late’ (😳) meant some terrible subsequent penalty (nightmare caused by bread sauce? Seeing ghosts, owing to sage and onion stuffing?), I’d be incapable of making such a request.
I’d find good manners pretty insuperable there. (Also, acknowledgement of the intentions of the hosts, which isn’t yer basic canteen feeding operation, but a twinkling occasion, for which they are creating a particular atmosphere.)

When SIL actually hosts a Christmas dinner under her own roof, she then gets to pick the serving time
Under your roof, if she doesn't like the timings she doesn't have to be there!

I thought it was universally acknowledged that Christmas dinner is served at 3pm and my eyes have been opened by this thread

@Cartaz So you're hosting your SIL and she's got the cheek to think she gets to dictate how you host? Er, no. Tell her you will be hosting in exactly the way you like and had planned, and whenever she hosts in the future she can then do things her way.
Honestly, the audacity of some people! 🙄

I understand. My parents are from a different country and they have recently relocated here. We hosted and they said in this country we will do the traditions, so we were expected to do turkey. No consideration for whether we wanted to do a turkey or not.

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner. They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry

I am by no means a competitive undereater, but I would never get hungry after eating all that lot.

Too many people these days unable to distinguish between a polite request for discussion and being dictated to more like.

I agree.
The knee jerk reactions on here are a bit
Would you really tell a guest to fuck off, really?

The OP said that her SIL asked. She didn't dictate or demand.

I think it’s nice you have that sort of relationship she feels comfortable asking. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t family, but I’d happily suggest to my siblings if we could mix it up one year and would be happy for them to suggest it to me. In fact one year we did move the Christmas dinner to Christmas Eve (on the request of a sibling that wasn’t hosting), and everyone thought it was a great idea as worked out well with holidays.

I don’t think she’s cheeky for asking, but I don’t think you’re rude if you want to stick with what you’ve always done.

You are being unreasonable to say she’s “cheeky” when she just asked if it was possible. You reply saying no in a nice way. End of.

Cook decides

The reason could be health and a big meal not sitting well eaten in the evening...as long as you aren't offended by any guests eating lightly...no problem

I can't imagine being so wedded to a plan that a polite inquiry from a relative as to whether it could be changed would offend me. Or ever see myself as having family over for Christmas as making me a host in such a formal capacity with rules about communication.

Nailed it!

It's bad manners. You wouldn't ask someone to change their time. Why would you? Even think its ok?