Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

When you're the guest, you do as your hosts do, unless there's some very real reason why you can't. I'd tell her you've already planned things and will be sticking to your own family's tradition. And yes, if she ever hosts, she can do it her way!

Infinitely more civilised. 😀
People just do what works for them. I prefer to relax after cooking christmas lunch and have a drink. I'd probably make a hash of it if I drank beforehand

Seems like a lot of food before the roast. I don’t know how anyone would be hungry or bothered by the time Christmas dinner was served.

Why do you think the host should be accommodating the guest, please? Surely, you're inviting them to join your plans, not being a hotel, although even they have set hours for meal service? I'm generally interested because family dynamics are so different, aren't they? Some families live far away, others are in and out, so they're bound to be different. And other families get on a lot better when they're in different counties!

Firstly, that all sounds absolutely lovely and secondly, I don’t think a guest should be making those kind of demands on a host.

We sit down between 5.00 and 6.00. No rushing round and the washing up is done before or during The Archers.

Different traditions suit different people. My mum's tradition was theoretically 1, actually 2,30, followed by the ritual 'does anyone want tea' at about five o'clock. No one did.

My tradition is lunch at one, dishwasher loaded as far ahead as I can, then presents and out for a walk after the Kings speech (which still seems wrong not being the Queen.) Then home for sausage rolls, crisps, pickled onions and Christmas cake for adults and tunis cake for children.

Bugger that! IMO it’s infinitely more civilised to have it later - we’ve had it at 5 or 6 for years in this house. People are frankly that much more ready for a big roast later.

And it makes for a rather more relaxed day for the cook!

Tell SiL she can dictate timings when she is hosting.
If there are young children involved, all we have done with little Gdcs is to give them something fairly simple at their usual lunchtime. Zero problem.

I'm not sure it is polite of a guest to want the day rearranged to suit them unless there's a good reason, which 'more traditional' isn't. It's your DH's family tradition and you're cooking, so I'd say you're entitled to cook at 3am in a wet suit, snorkel and flippers and if she doesn't like it, then she can go somewhere traditional, can't she?

Everyone i know eats it in the afternoon, my family included. However if i was invited to someone’s home for Christmas i would never be rude enough to ask them to change their plans for me.

I feel your annoyance, our in laws are now not attending ours for Christmas Day because we’re not cooking the main dinner then (we’re doing it Boxing Day) and instead having a long brunch, leftover snacks then turkey baguettes for dinner so we can enjoy the day with the kids and not spend all of it in the kitchen.

And a bit dim to ask to change the Christmas day plan when people have set ways and traditions of how they do things (as seen in this thead!) IMO

We have it as lunch but often around 3. Then have a buffet tea in the evening

This is exactly what we do (apart from the King, everyone in this house would rather fellate a rhinoceros than listen to that old duffer dribbling on about nothing). We do stockings, breakfast and then presents, everyone chips in on the cooking and we eat when it’s ready.

Christmas Dinner is served in this house when its ready.

That means we get up and are chill about timings all day. We do some presents and then crack on and do all the prep and then work out what time is going to work for it all being ready and thats dinner time.

Honestly, why MUST it be x time if it doesn't work for you? It just adds a layer of stress you don't need. Its ready when its ready and thats just fine!

I can watch the Queen/King on the news later (and this applied BEFORE tv in demand) if I really want to.

Christmas should be chill not a day of military timetabling and unnecessary stress. Fuck knows I do that the rest of the year.

Dinner isn't going anywhere. Its not going to ruin the day if its at an odd time. They'll be left overs if its too early and theres enough picky stuff to tide everyone over if its running later.

I read these threads on MN about what you MUST do and what you HAVE to do for Christmas and I'm baffled by it. Set your own rules and break the rules that no one wrote in the first place anyway.

Work out what works for you and makes it more enjoyable and to hell with the nonsense.

I can't imagine eating brunch then again at 5 or 6pm. Different strokes...

But is it still "cheeky" to ask the host to change the time if eating then is going to cause you problems? Because a lot of people seem to think it is always disgustingly rude to give any indication that maybe something could be done a bit differently to make them more comfortable...

Tell her NO and if she presses the issue simply give her directions to the nearest drive-through.

Who complained? OP doesn't say that! If SIL complained then yes she is rude; hardly "the very essence of CFuckery"!

Just say thankyou for the suggestion, but we've already planned our other meals for the days and prefer the later dinner meal timings.
With a strained smiley/ piss off and leave me alone face xx

That's always been the way here. Queen's speech would be on and you have it then. The only people I knew who didn't were alcoholics (functional or otherwise) who would prioritise drinking all morning (as it is nearly acceptable at Xmas). Kids would be stuffed with sweets and chocolate and throwing up by lunchtime.

Unless she's got very young DC who will be joining in the meal it's cheeky to try and influence mealtimes in someone else's house.

My DC would be an overtired, over- sugared mess on Christmas day if the main meal wasn't till the evening. But I'd only mention that to the the host if they asked my thoughts on timings. Otherwise I'd do my best to make it work with their preferred time.

Bottom line.

Its not like you are going to starve her on Christmas Day.

yes she only asked but it was incredibly rude of her to put the host in the position of having to say no.

Its a lack of manners to put the host in an awkward position just to suit yourself! They either have to change their plans to accommodate you or say no to you and some people feel uncomfortable doing that! If you are invited to a pre planned event then you should either accept and go along with the host’s plan or politely decline.