Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

Your house your rules - your sil is being rude. We eat in the evening too - we tried the lunch thing - it just got in the way of a lovely walk to the pub for a few drinks and we felt full and slovenly for the rest of the day…so we moved it - agree the candle light dinner feels special. Each to their own and your sil should respect that!

This.

Also, how is it LESS stressful cooking all day instead of just doing 1 knock-out meal? 🤔

By early evening people just want to slump on the sofa watching Christmas telly not sit round a table!

Well as others have said, you’re the host, your decision. Does she need to be somewhere?

Why is it rude or cheeky to ask? If it’s a simple question then fair enough. Perhaps she has toddlers and wants them included and they get grouchy early evening. Fair enough ask.

equally if OP says no, that’s fair enough to and the SIL should be accepting.

No harm in someone simply asking. Everyone acting like she’s a diva for a simple question.

It's up to you, but it sounds like a hell of a lot of work to do a fry up, home made canapés AND Christmas dinner, instead of just Christmas dinner at 2pm ish. I wouldn't have enough oven space, fridge space, dishwasher space or surfaces for all that. Or appetite. I do make canapés but they are the starter and we have them at 12 o'clock when the inlaws come round, with a glass of fizz and exchanging presents. Breakfast is very simple, something like a pain au chocolat and coffee. Then after a three course meal from 2pm, no-one feels like more than a bit of cheese or a mince pie in the evening. I have my feet up and a bit of a snooze by late afternoon and nothing else to do. Delaying it until tea time would mean delaying when I can fully relax after everything is done.

Just say “ no, this is our tradition , we like it this way”. She asked , you declined !

My family always eat the main Christmas meal at about 3/4. With some sort of nibbles earlier on to keep people going.

Neither do I. Most families organise it between themselves with everyone putting forward their requests depending on needs like travel, babies etc and then everyone tries to make it work.
Non family would be different though.
We have main meal as a late lunch here. Sometimes it's a sit down meal, sometimes it's a barbecue as it's summer here.
Everyone contributes to the meal too.
We probably are a bit more relaxed here though, due to it being summer.

Are her parents/grandparents eating with you? If so, are they elderly? Maybe they prefer to eat earlier as a lot of elderly people do. There’s normally a reason for a suggestion like this, I personally wouldn’t ask the host to change their plans but it’s difficult to vote as I don’t have the full picture.

@Cartaz- you’ve not said what time you do Christmas dinner, and if there’s going to be young children there.

Why are posters putting words into the OP's mouth.

She never ued the words "dictate" or "demand".

Stop projecting.

@Cartaz are you going to come back to this thread or are you laughing at everyone frothing at the mouth?

a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

Genuinely that is a shit load of food in one day. Are you having dinner at London shire time of 8pm?

What would you do if you were staying with a family that ate at 6.30? Just sit and pick at your food?

I’m amazed at how brittle and set in their ways some folk are. It must be exhausting.

Oh I cannot stand this sort of rudeness!! You have invited her for a light lunch followed by dinner in the evening. Either she accepts what is offered or she declines, anything else, especially "I want you to do it my way!!" is rude! You dont like the invite? Dont accept it, simple as.

I once told my parents that I was serving Xmas dinner in the evening instead of lunchtime. My mothers reaction was akin to as if I had said I was serving freshly boiled puppies as the main course.

She made such a HUGE (and I do mean huge) fuss about it that in the end it was easier to do it at lunch time. But I was a lot younger then and her sulks were legendary, which meant that my father was pushing me to change my mind as he would cop it too. Now I would say that she was welcome to cook her own lunch but we were eating at 6 and ignore her sulking, but as I say, I was younger and more easily bullied then.

Is it maybe too late for her to eat. Depends what time main meal is at. I wouldn't eat a large meal after 6 pm.

We do French toast with bacon and syrup at about 10-11ish then dinner at 4.30 or 5. Works well. If a bit peckish later there’s always a turkey sandwich or a few pigs in blankets and cheese and biscuits.
Thats what we enjoy and I wouldn’t change it for anyone.

We’ve ditched tradition too as kids got hungry at 12, then ate nibbles and we knew wouldn’t eat again at 2-3pm, so now we always do it at 4/5pm. We use the kids as the primary excuse, but tbh it is just us and no one else to please 🤣

by 4/5pm…Everyone is hungry enough (assuming just had nibbles since lunch, and a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and salmon), and it’s dark outside so we’ve managed to get out for a nice afternoon walk before dinner. The day feels so much more relaxed and I’m not tied to a stove just enjoying kids and pottering into kitchen occasionally to do bits.

Gosh your day sounds like bliss. As kids we weren't allowed breakfast because we were having a "big meal" at 2/3pm ish. Then weren't allowed anything after because we'd "had a big meal". People still do this "oh I couldn't eat anything else all day" it's perfectly normal to want to eat at other times of the day imo, stomachs can only hold a certain amount of food.

Do what you want to do and she can choose whether or not to join in.

She's not dictating anything. She's asked.

As a family, I'd say that mine (including me) aren't all that great at communicating. But even we feel able to make requests of each other, say yes or no to requests, and will comfortably cope if the answer is no.

If either of my sons in law politely asked a similar question, I'd not be offended and nor would I see it as them being demanding. I'd feel able to say no, and they wouldn't kick off if I did

The cliche of British people is that we never say what we mean. Which also means we generally do not take what people say at face value but always expect a hidden message. With those social rules, as a guest who finds the time of dinner unsuitable for you, you can either a) put up and shut up and say it's all lovely so you don't offend your host b) say 'what a refreshing decision to eat Christmas dinner late' safe in the knowledge that your criticism will be noted and understood or c) say 'can we have dinner earlier?' and know your host will be mortally offended, immediately complain about you to all and sundry, and never invite you again. It's very simple. There's no such thing as a simple question and only CF pretend otherwise.

She's not rude; just communicating.
Politely reply.
Sorry, the time is pretty set how we like it.

Your house, you do it your way

Are they staying Christmas night? I wonder if she's thinking she'd like to get home a little earlier than your food schedule.

Your food plans sound lovely btw.

I can't stand eating a huge roast on Christmas day post kids. I need a nap if I eat a huge dinner and obviously parenting doesn't allow for that so we have traditional boxing day food on Christmas day and roast on the eve of.