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Original poster

Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

316 replies

Cartaz · 17/12/2025 12:41

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry. My family did the more typical eat a bit later at around 2pm. But I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

This new way I feel like the time pressure is off and everyone gets stuck in more. Just more relaxed (for us).

I’ve adopted what dh’s family do. But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

I just don’t get doing something one way cause everyone else is doing it that way.

To me it’s just more relaxed and who doesn’t love a candlelight dinner. I can’t believe the cheek of SIL

OP posts:
LordEmsworth · 17/12/2025 13:12

Nearly50omg · 17/12/2025 12:57

Do you really not understand why?!?! She is staying in someone else’s house who are also doing all the cooking providing all the food etc and she’s not providing or doing anything yet wants them to change their entire Xmas and when they will be cooking to suit her!!

Show quote history

The OP didn't say most of that stuff, you've filled it in based on your own assumptions 🙄You have written a back story of your own

I was always under the impression that family members are fond of each other and tak openly about things, and that part of hosting is considering other people's comfort. It's fine that you think differently!

LakieLady · 17/12/2025 13:12

Hiptothisjive · 17/12/2025 12:59

Traditional for her nabe not for everyone. Always had Christmas dinner as dinner. Never had it as lunch as we went to church in the morning.

Always dinner here, too, and my DPs were the same.

MIL does Christmas dinner for 3 pm and no-one really fancies it, partly because they've all been snacking on chocolates and shite all morning, and partly because she is an appalling cook and everything is unseasoned and overdone.

TheMorgenmuffel · 17/12/2025 13:11

Stick to what you have planned.
She can always make herself a sandwich if she's hungry.

hannonle · 17/12/2025 13:11

I'm of an age where I can't eat a heavy meal late at night. Maybe she's the same and that's why she's asked?
I wouldn't change plans if I was you. She can always eat a smaller meal if it's a digestion thing.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 17/12/2025 13:09

It’s not traditional for everyone to have Christmas dinner earlier.

I think if you’re a guest in someone else’s house you go along with what’s traditional for them.

Catwalking · 17/12/2025 13:09

It’s NOT more ‘traditional’. Having a days ‘main meal’ in the middle of the day wastes the rest of the day & nothing is a suitable/agreeable evening meal later on after the xmas mega feast.

SheinIsShite · 17/12/2025 13:08

We usually eat around 6pm on Christmas day. It will be even later this year as youngest DS is working in a pub kitchen and won't be finished until around 6.30pm.

I don't generally eat a massive meal at 2pm or 3pm so don't see why 25th December should be different. Sod tradition.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/12/2025 13:08

I wouldn't dream of asking a host to change their planning, enquire about the timings is fine but requesting a complete mix up? No.

Is she a SIL from your husbands side or your siblings spouse?

Francine84 · 17/12/2025 13:07

I feel you OP! My SIL has insisted that we don’t have a Xmas lunch at all this year (my parents-in-law are hosting) because it’s “too stressful”. She doesn’t offer to help or cook anything, and never hosts. But it’s far too stressful for her so we’re having lasagne this year as she threatened not to come if her dad made the usual Xmas lunch.

If you’re hosting you decide what you make and when it’s served. So I’d tell your SIL to bugger off!

SilverPink · 17/12/2025 13:05

Ideal time for Christmas dinner is around 3pm. Plenty of time beforehand for presents and breakfast, plenty of time after for tv, games and evening snacks.

Pancakeflipper · 17/12/2025 13:05

Is there a reason why she has asked for it to be earlier. Or do you think she's just asking to be a pain and get her own way?

HouseWithASeaView · 17/12/2025 13:02

Wonders if there is going to be a drip feed about SIL having toddlers who will have been over excited and she would like to be in bed by 7pm which is when you’re planning on serving dinner. Or she’s working the next day or similar and so won’t be able to drink with dinner or something. Or might need to head home/visit other relatives early evening and so will actually be missing out on the dinner.
Absent any of those, then she can ask but you can do it your way.

ACynicalDad · 17/12/2025 13:01

I've done all the planning, I don't have the headspace to change it, when you do it then knock yourself out!

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 13:01

Nearly50omg · 17/12/2025 12:57

Do you really not understand why?!?! She is staying in someone else’s house who are also doing all the cooking providing all the food etc and she’s not providing or doing anything yet wants them to change their entire Xmas and when they will be cooking to suit her!!

Show quote history

No, I do not understand why it is cheeky to politely enquire if timings could be altered. Demanding is rude, opening a conversation is not.

XWKD · 17/12/2025 13:00

How is it more traditional to have it earlier? I don't ever remember having the Christmas dinner in the afternoon.

fashionqueen0123 · 17/12/2025 12:59

I prefer to have it at lunch time. In the afternoon everyone is tired, kids want to play games etc. No one wants to spend the afternoon in the kitchen! And then I woudn't wait to eat too much at lunch if I was having a huge dinner later on... plus I like to have a few chocolates/biscuits in the afternoon. So sorry I'm with SIL!

Hohohohohohoho2025 · 17/12/2025 12:59

Rosiecidar · 17/12/2025 12:56

what time are you proposing for dinner ? I’m a bit lost.

Me too. Does sil know the approx timings of the food? Do you know why she wants to
them.

Hiptothisjive · 17/12/2025 12:59

Traditional for her nabe not for everyone. Always had Christmas dinner as dinner. Never had it as lunch as we went to church in the morning.

purplecorkheart · 17/12/2025 12:57

No that does not work for you.

Cheeky of her to ask.

EarthAndInstinct · 17/12/2025 12:57

You host, so you get to decide.

But, how do you eat all that food? 😂

I’d not be hungry for lunch after that huge breakfast and I’d definitely not be able to eat lunch and dinner. I’m now thinking we don’t have big appetites in this house. 🤔

Nearly50omg · 17/12/2025 12:57

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 12:54

Why is it cheeky to ask? Unless OP is about to change her tune and now say it was actually a demand and she screamed it then just seeing if people were amenable to a change isn't rude at all.

Do you really not understand why?!?! She is staying in someone else’s house who are also doing all the cooking providing all the food etc and she’s not providing or doing anything yet wants them to change their entire Xmas and when they will be cooking to suit her!!

tipsyraven · 17/12/2025 12:57

I don’t like having Christmas dinner in the evening. Firstly because the cook is then spending most of the day cooking and I like to relax once it is done for the day. Secondly, I can’t digest a large meal in the evening, it gives me indigestion. I’m with your SiL.

Rosiecidar · 17/12/2025 12:56

what time are you proposing for dinner ? I’m a bit lost.

KenAdams · 17/12/2025 12:56

I'd just be grateful someone else is cooking for me

Nearly50omg · 17/12/2025 12:56

Bloody rude sil!!