Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

I agree

It’s always people who don’t cook or entertain themselves who ask for things to be changed/moved. I invited a friend for New Year’s Eve dinner at 1930, and she rocked up about 2130, when we were all tucking in. I did stress that we would be eating around 2030, and that it was a sit down dinner, but she still seemed amazed to see it happening. I’d started serving at 2100 as we really couldn’t wait any longer.

But it’s a rude thing to ask. Some request ate rude. This one is. You don’t ask a host to change their entire day for you.

Just say everyone else prefers it the way you've planned, so you're going to go with the majority.

I’m Scottish and wonder this too! Ours has never been earlier than about 4. We are still opening presents and eating chocs at 1pm!

It's a bit cheeky to ask but you can just say the main meal is planned for the evening and you won't be changing that.

I do wonder though (since the evening meal on Christmas day is a tradition from her family) if she has always wondered what it would be like to have it at lunchtime-ish for a change and it's looking forward to doing it differently. Does she know that you have followed/adopted your inlaws timings if she hasn't been at yours on Christmas day before? She might have assumed you are more likely to do it at lunchtime?

Nobody has told the host anything. They have asked, in OP's own words. Totally different.

She didn’t tell, she asked!

How is it that people are incapable of normal conversation? She asks if you could have it earlier, you say no, this is how we like to do it. No one needs to give it any more thought.

Maybe for the content of the meal due to dietary needs, or dinner at 5 instead of 8 if there are little children around but not moving Christmas meal from dinner time to lunch time. There is no good reason for that, because if you’ve been invited for dinner but can’t attend then you decline the invitation. You don’t tell the host to change their entire day, because that’s what this would need. The entire day would need to change.

Slightly perplexed at the idea that the ‘proper’ time for Xmas dinner is 1pm?! Who decided that?

We do things your way, op, my in laws eat at around 2pm. I’d never even dream about asking them to alter their timings because I prefer a later dinner. Unbelievably cheeky.

Is ut cheeky? Maybe, but you can choose whether or not to feel aggrieved. Just politely tell her no, then carry on as you were.

I see it as respect for the host. If someone is going to the effort to cook for me the least I can do is let them do things their way. Whether that’s Christmas Day or any other.
It doesn’t sound as if it’s being cooked as a team effort.

I’m in Scotland and, at least at where I grew up and where I live now, almost everyone has it as the normal evening meal. Sometimes maybe around 4pm instead of 7pm, but it’s always dinner and not lunch.

Is it and English thing to have it as lunch?

I can't imagine being so stiff and formal with family that we couldn't have a chat about what works for everyone and be accommodating if there is a good reason for amending.

Do what you want and serve want you want you are the host. Not up to someone expectations? Who cares they can not come or host next year.

She's staying with you.

You're hosting as you see fit.

So just reiterate that the offer is to join your existing plans.

It’s fairly obvious that the host hosts to their preferred timetable. Food timings on Christmas Day are hardly accidental. That’s what makes it cheeky.
it also signals that the guest isn’t content with how the host manages things.
She’s free to host and have timings as she’d like.

We do lunchtime. Light breakfast then lunch 1.30 ish then can relax and have small supper eg cheese & crackers and mince pie. But if you are cooking it’s your choice.

We've always had the main roast at lunchtime but obviously everyone has their own family traditions or their view of whats "normal". (even if that is Lasagne for Xmas dinner!)

Definitely the host gets to decide though - unless the SIL has some proper reason (other than preference) for her way of things. Like if she's got a medical need for meals to be at certain times or whatever but this doesn't sound like that.

As host it’s up to you. Explain what plans are then she knows. If it really won’t suit her and her family eg small children then she has option to stay at home.

Ooh I really like this idea! The "traditional" way means that if I eat a nice breakfast I'm still full at 2pm for Christmas dinner. Then everyone sits on the sofa stuffed with food and boring af all afternoon and starts faffing around making sandwiches at 9pm.

We're away this year but next year it's breakfast at 9am, vol-au-vents at 1 and candlelit dinner at 7!

This. Christmas Day is the only day we have our dinner at the proper time of 1pm. We have done this ever since our kids were young as it then gave us the rest of the day to play games. We still do it this way even though they're adults.

Unless there's a drip feed, she's being unreasonable. I actually also prefer a late lunch slot, but if you're at someone else's house, you follow their timings.

Why are they pandering to her? Id say I'm not coming unless its an xmas dinner. Who wants lasagne if shes not even helping!!