To blow friend out for cheating on husband?

When I was in my mid 20s I met someone who said he liked me and I liked him too. It wasn't plain sailing for a few reasons but just as I thought we might get together I called him and his mum called me by someone else's name. Then I met him in the pub 3 months later and he had just got engaged - to someone else

Is it only women that get called out for being cheats if they have a friend who cheats on their partner - or should men be judged as well?

I've never cheated on anyone in my life. The notion that I would be perceived as doing so for other people's behaviour is just absurd.

The OP knows this woman is cheating so she must be too according to your stupid logic

Your post reeks of misogyny. Again - who cares. You hang around with someone who sleeps around so you must too? What a backwards way of thinking - slut shaming

I don't give a flying fuck what you think about me - I last socialised with the person who cheated on her partner 30 years ago. We stopped talking due to his rules about who she could see when.

Hope that helps. I am currently disabled after a life changing accident so the last thing I give a shit about is going out at the weekend with friends who might or might not be cheating on their partners. Someone might think I'm sleeping around by association with someone that I last went on a night out with in 1995?

No bother

Up yours. Hope this helps

If it was a friend I’d tell them directly (even if it meant the end of the friendship), if it’s just an acquaintance I’m not sure because you don’t have enough information.

I have been cheated on and one of the worst things to process was realising that a lot of people knew and chose to say nothing. Knowing you were walking around like an absolute fool. Fuck those people and I hope someone does the same to them.

Stay out of it, for all you know he may know, but not want to know.

I suspect you still feel very hurt over being cheated on. Send the email. Let people on here know if you feel better after sending it

You'll know what the fall out is. And you'll have to keep secret that it was you that did it when the shit hits the pan.

You don't need complete strangers to tell you what to do. If you want to tell him send the email and then move on with your life

I personally don't care if someone thinks I fuck around because I had a friend who did. This attitude just reeks of misogyny. Someone fucks around and if you are her friend you do too?
Who cares quite frankly. I don't give a shiny shit what complete strangers think of me.

I'm not responsible for life choices other people make

This isn't a friend. It's a friend of a friend that she hardly knows which makes this weirder on every level

So she comes back and says ‘it was a hug’ and people are jealous making up rumour's that she slept with other people. What type of investigating do you plan to do? Hire a PI?

your going to start coming across as a bit obsessed and stalkerish. Why should her partner believe you over her?

Why doesn't the friend say something if they know what's going on? You're a friend of a friend so presumably the friend knows what's going on too. You might feel good if you send an anonymous email but be prepared for people to work out it's you that sent it - if you have a friend telling you what's been going on

This. Exactly this

After my friend and myself stopped talking - and that wasn't because I didn't like her - it was because her partner only allowed her to go out on a Saturday night - which was difficult for me at that point as I was in a relationship. I met her in the passing and we had occasional chats and she gave me her number. I phoned her house and he was like - how did you get this number, well your wife gave me it.

He was awful. He used to control her - money wise as well - and I wish she had just left him. I was also friends with her niece and when they got married she said - are you going to stop seeing other people.

What I'm trying to say is. Yes it's horrible being cheated on. But my friend was clearly really unhappy. She wasn't working at that point - he was. He controlled her money and when she could go out the house. I tried gently telling her that wasn't normal

If I had told her she was cheating she would have denied it and he would have assaulted me. I believe that.

She was seeing a distant cousin behind his back for a long time but he was widowed and terrified to commit and then he died after he had an argument with a mate who punched him - part of me wished she could have built a life with him and got out of the situation she was in

I was stunned when she married him but that's what happens maybe when you have kids to someone and no money of your own. I think she was looking for someone to rescue her from the situation she was in and I did try and tell her more than once to try and get out and be on her own - but it made no difference at all

And no. For all his faults I don't think he deserved it. But there was one night she told him she was going out with me when she was seeing someone else and he phoned me up screaming down the phone at me saying I was making her act like she was single - it wasn't like that at all

I was glad to be away from the drama in the end

I couldn't remain friends with someone who engaged in a romantic or sexual liaison, either as a spouse or partner, or with a partnered person. It has got to be one of the most cruel, callous and selfish things a person can do to another. Irrespective of however 'connected' they feel, however much they imagine themselves destined to be together, or how terrible, dead or sexless they are told the existing relationship is; there really is no excuse. It says so much about a person, if they're capable of separating themselves from the suffering their actions are causing -I don't want that energy in my life.

As for letting the husband know -that's a tricky one. But I probably would, somehow. Because she is, by not disclosing her indiscretions, keeping him in an involuntary open relationship. It is humiliating and unfair, and potentially harmful. He has no way of guarding himself against sexually transmitted infections or to safeguard his wellbeing or assets -his wife has the unfair advantage of being on a perpetual front-foot. Poor man.

Unless it’s someone you’re very close to, stay out of it. You have no idea what her reaction might be to you blowing up her life - never underestimate the repercussions of a very angry, very hurt person who might come after you. It isn’t worth it unless it’s someone close IMO.

But this is mumsnet, where “it’s none of your business” if a woman is cheating…

You don't like her or dislike her - but you are going to anonymously tell her partner that she's cheating on him - because you were cheated on and no one told you?

By the way - I have been cheated on. My then boyfriend told me when we were on holiday that he had been sleeping with someone for 3 months behind my back. It's horrible. But you really need to think about why you want to do this.

Is it so her husband can move on with his life - fair enough. Why aren't the other people who know telling him

If this is going to make you feel good - then do it. I suspect it won't though

And if you do it - don't do it anonymously. That's completely cowardly

Christ it's like the the nutters that pitched up the village where that poor woman drowned

You aren't a detective. You don't need to investigate

You need to get a feckin life and mind your own business

Well I saw a friend of a friends husband on tinder. I spoke to my friend to ask if she wanted to tell her.

His excuse was - it was an old account. Yeah sure buddy…

Anyway, ultimately I was the bad guy and I went to an event they were both at and they both just gave me the dirtiest of looks all night. I thought I’d done the right thing.

The messenger is always the bad guy. I’d stay out of it.

No, why on earth would you?

You don't know him and it has nothing to do with you.

You should also stop referring to her as a friend, as she clearly isn't.

Hold on a minute. Her husband was abusive to me on more than one occasion - and if I had said anything I can assure you he would not have believed me - particularly considering she was only allowed out on a Saturday night. I didn't ever cover for her. She knew my views. I told her more than once to leave him but she wouldn't

He once screamed abuse at me and banned me from their house because he falsely accused me of finishing his kebab meat that was in their fridge when I stayed over - I'm vegan

He was screaming get her to fuck out of this house at the top of his lungs - how do you think it would have gone down if I had told him she cheated on him