Son dumped by gf -update

Nope.

Not for this one. Otherwise he'll do the same all over again and take everyone for granted.

He's firmly into manchild land and you are way too babying.

Exactly. Why on earth should women put up with this sort of behaviour.

He’s lucky she didn’t report him to the police.

So you’d tell your daughter, who by OPs admission keeps getting calls begging to allow that to continue?

She's changed her mind because my son kept texting and calling her begging for another chance and she's said it's all a bit much.

You’d not encourage your daughter to stop that happening? I urge you never to give advice to a female being harassed in such a way! Damn right she was to block him!

She blocked him because he was harassing her.

You’re also assuming she’s not upset. She’s probably devastated as well, and grieving the future she once thought she had. Yes, she is away on holiday with friends, but that doesn’t mean she’s not upset.

Wonder the advice for her would if she started her own thread. ‘… My boyfriend and have have been together for three years and he lives with me in my flat. I tried to have a serious conversation about whether we plan to get married etc, and he replied about that talking about timelines are silly. Am I being taken for a ride? We’re in our late twenties/early thirties’

And I disagree it will take her ages to find a new good man. Totally disagree - this time she will not be so silly - she will be upfront and not waste 3 years. She will be like 'want to get married and have children? No? NEXT!'. I wish her the best of luck and I hope she finds a worthy chap very very soon.

Having very high standards about proposing? Seriously? Waiting 3 years, 'giving him his comforts' for 3 years classed as high standards about proposing?
Poor, poor girl. He used her for 3 years, to the detriment of her reproductive ability, and she has always had serious intentions about him, from what we are being told. He just used her for 3 years with no intention of being serious. Poor, poor, silly girl.

Who wants to have a long drawn out discussion after a break up? They probably did have some form of conversation - I doubt she said "we're over, I'm off! - I wouldn't 100% trust OP's version of events and she wasn't there. Why can't she leave to go to a party that has probably been planned for some time? Was she supposed to sit there all night holding his hand listening to his woes? OP is also assuming that a lack of proposal is the only reason for their break up and it might be a multitude of issues for all she knows. Yes the son made a mistake and not having a proper conversation or treating the GF seriously when she asked for some indication of timings possibly made her see him in a new light and reevaluate their relationship.

Completely disagree, and the implication that goes with it is utterly vile. You two are saying : once you have picked up that he is giving you the runaround stay longer so he can do it some more. You might console /fool yourself that people don’t leave relationships when they love the other. They do when they see their love is being taken for granted and they are being treated shabbily.

You can think it strange she dumped him, because marriage isn’t important to you, but if you exchange it for something that is important (perhaps the relationship being closed or open) and then assess how you would like it, perhaps her views are not so strange. The faux bemusement that it wasn’t important to you therefore how could ex possibly thinks it’s important at all, is in and of itself a dumping issue.

As it happens I don’t think three years is that long - but refusing to have an honest conversation makes someone a bit of a shit and is a red card offence.

She did love him, he didn’t value that, only the domestic services she was providing. Is sad that the services he likes have been withdrawn but still doesn’t love her. Simple really.

Sounds like 3 months ago was pretty much the make or break sit down what’s our future convo.

Bet there was smaller interactions in the last 12 months. The nice more care free moments on the sofa where children and weddings get mentioned but it’s not a serious sit down chat.

Maybe he has in the future her for the last year and now she wanted a babe let’s be serious what kind of time line are you thinking engagement wedding babies. But his brushed her off yet again and then as said all shocked she had enough of his wishy washy some point. Some point. I love you. One day.

He's suffering, so sympathy is in order. But he needs to realise that this break up is not something that 'just happened' to him, it had a lot to do with what he was putting into his relationship. It seems that his partner was more than willing to make a commitment, but he didn't value that willingness and now she is fed up and decided to move on.

No, three months ago she wanted to have a conversation with him about where he saw the relationship going. That is not the same thing as demanding marriage inside of outside of a timeline. I do wonder what the wider context of the relationship was too, as still living in a house his girlfriend provides at 30 years old doesn’t exactly suggest this is a man with either drive or solid future plans.

She tried to have a conversation with him and he shut her down. I’m not sure why she owes him one now that she’s done with him.

Not allowing the conversation now doesn’t mean that there was no emotional attachment to or genuine love for him, although it may be convenient to think so if you’re intent on framing her as the problem and applying salve to his wounded ego (it’s on a par with ‘yeah? Well I wouldn’t want to date you anyway, you’re ugly!’ tbh). People can and do fall out of love, and oftentimes very quickly. This may of be considered ‘cold’ by the emotionally sloppy, of course 🤷🏻‍♀️

You think that they only ever had one or two conversations about this? That’s highly doubtful. You’re going off what his mum is saying on a forum and suggesting that’s the full sequence of events…

Do you think it’s more likely that this has been discussed and dismissed multiple times by him and she’s decided his non committal responses don’t align with what she wants so broken up with him, or more likely that she has only raised the subject of marriage on two occasions? The latter seems hugely unlikely to me.

You have no idea though! He just went running to mummy complaining that she'd ditched him because of her single friend and a Christmas party.

It's very possible that she expressed hurt and he disregarded, until she reached breaking point.
How many relationships die a slow death, with one of the 2 blissfully unaware because they have a happy status quo and ignore signs.
Sounds like it was the case there. He thought he'd fobbed her off with a vague someday answer, when she insisted he refused to talk about it.
Hardly a mature loving attitude.

Well I don’t know the mothers must be hoping that there are still women to be strung along with deep pockets otherwise said son will be back at home… or maybe that was always the idea anyway

I agree. Her reaction shows that it wasn't just because of the lack of proposal, either there were other problems or she has someone new. In any case, OP's son should work on himself and meet someone more compatible.

I cant wait for their future daughter in laws to find Mumsnet 😂😂🍿

To be fair your Husband is correct, I wouldn’t have too much sympathy either.

Yes but after 3 years together and wanting to marry him, she could have allowed him a chance to have a conversation when she informed him about break up before heading to a party. Are you this rigid? This is a man she wanted to marry and have kids with, he made a mistake. Now saying don’t be silly is a relationship leaving insult. He took her for granted but he was also not that important to her to treat him this way.

Spot the mothers of indolent sons on the thread.

Committed men commit. If he doesn’t, well there’s the answer.

Careful, you’ll get your post highlighted and returned to you with that sort of talk 🤣🤣🤣

See mine above!

Yes and he made a mistake by not understanding that last time they had a discussion about timeline, but he came to his senses and was ready ti but ring while it wasn’t the way she wanted, so it’s not just about having kids.

By the time she will find someone good, start a relationship and get proposed it will be another few years, so not sure it is simply about the clock ticking. It is about having very high standards about how she should have been proposed. Assuming she wanted to marry him 3 months ago, I guess she does not see any other problems in relationship.

Also you say she didn’t allow a conversation?

She instigated a conversation asking to talk about the future and see if they were on the same page with timings at all.

He said that was silly and dismissed it. He told her he’d do it when he was ready with the implication being that she would need to just wait and that she shouldn’t raise it again.

Do you think that was a respectful approach from him that showed the sort of mature, thoughtful attachment one would expect from a 30 year old man after 3 years together?

All the blame is on the poor lad and everyone is for the woman who is not poor at all!
Asking to be given a chance by the man whom you supposedly wanted to marry is not harassment, it's not like he did it for weeks, sounds like one or 2 days! She probably met someone new and she has the right. I hope the OP's son works on himself and meets a better woman.

Huh? She blocked him because he wouldn’t stop texting and calling begging her to change her mind. She told him it was ‘too much’ and blocked him as a result.

Do you honestly think that’s cold? What should she do, just keep being on the receiving end of that until he stops of his own accord?

I didn’t see anyone else comment this point yet:

You think that the GF asking about settling down is putting pressure on him, and yet you think she should have repeatedly asked another 2 times, plus 2 proposals of engagement and then marriage. That is the definition of wearing them down.

If he called the conversation “silly”, then he clearly doesn’t have her wants and needs in mind - why shouldn’t see prioritise her own?