Son dumped by gf -update

@Anuta77

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

Everyone is somebody's son or daughter even the ones who make questionable decisions. Having your partner dismiss your questions about his intentions and to not want to clearly discuss your future together, even though you do, is absolutely a reason to break up - she may have realised or assumed that it's never going to happen or that he isn't as keen on her as she thought. However OP has no idea if that is the only reason for the break up. She didn't block him until he overstepped and begged her to stay, in fact she initially allowed him to stay for a bit which was pretty decent of her - until he blew it. You have absolutely no idea if the son will do better or the exGF will wait much longer for a marriage proposal as we are looking through the prism of a loving and over-involved mother.

I agree , I wouldn’t be surprised if after they had the marriage conversation he started getting too cocky and his treatment of her got worse.

I’ve had that when I’ve had the conversation with men about moving to the next level, and they said they’re not there yet. It’s like they’ve suddenly thought oh she’s really into me - I can have fun with this and their effort has dropped since they think I’m hooked.

But it’s always backfired because I’ve just walked away as that attitude is such a turn off.

She didn't love him because she didn't want to stay with someone who refused to have an adult discussion about their future? But the person who refused to have the conversation was totally in love, is that right?

Went and read the original thread:
”Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years”

She’s dodged a bullet not having to have you in her life.

I don't think she loved him as hurtful as it is to see your son hurting .
He will be ok as time goes on.
I have 2 sons I'd be the same if they were hurt ... men can be harsh sometimes (dad)x

LTB

Nah

We haven't heard her side.

We don't know how many nights she has spent crying or agonising over this decision. Don't know how many hints age has used or how often she has tried to have this conversation.

We don't know if she's an emotional wreck on her holiday or not.

All we have is Ops side which is filtered through her son.

Exactly @Mumofteenandtween Both DH and I were excited at the prospect of marrying each other when we first discussed it, there was no hesitation.

I wouldn’t want my children ( DD and DS) to marry someone who wasn’t delighted at the prospect either. Sometimes people just want different things and it’s best to recognize that and move on as the gf has in this instance.

Does anyone think the OP is still reading? Or cares?

And maybe when she was five she wanted to be an astronaut, but presumably that doesn’t apply now either.

It doesn’t matter what she did or didn’t want previously. What she wants now is for him to accept the relationship was over, and sort himself out new accommodation. That is what he needs to pay attention to.

OP you dont have any proof that the relationship ended purely because of the marriage issue...that's is just what your grown adult son is telling you....id hope a grown arse man wouldn't discuss every element of his private relationship with his mummy...maybe it was just one of a number of reasons why the GF wanted to end it.

Wouldn't you find it bizarre and cringe-worthy if the GF's parents had called your son and told him to stop being so silly and get on with proposing?

I actually agree with this. He didn't want to marry her, despite trying to lead her to believe that he did.

If he had wanted to marry her, the timeline conversation would have gone differently. A man who plans to marry you does just that - he plans. If he had actually wanted to marry her, he would have already thought about it and would have an idea of when he wanted to get married. Maybe he doesn't want to get married until he's 35. Or until he has more money saved. Or until he has a better career. Or until he has climbed Mount Everest. Regardless, he could have articulated that to her, but he didn't. That tells me he didn't really intend to marry her.

Which is fine, you don't have to want to get married. But you also can't expect someone who does want to get married to wait on you forever. They're both better off this way.

She wanted a man who wanted to marry her. A man who was excited to marry her. She did not want a man who was willing to marry her when he realised that not marrying her would lead to unpleasant consequences.

Therefore he is not for her and so she is right to leave him even when he realised his mistake.

One could say he was trying to ruin her preplanned trip away. Surely his begging could have waited till she was back. Given them both space…

Nothing like a moaning ex or current to ruin a trip.

Caught up on your first thread.

I actually can't believe you said: "Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years"

I met DH when I was similar age to her. Many of my friends met their husbands few years later. What are you getting at, OP?

I would also say if she decided to end the relationship, there's a reason for it. You automatically assume your amazing son has nothing to do with it and he's a victim here, but relationships don't tend to end as a result of one person's actions only. I am absolutely baffled you considered getting involved a 30yo (!) man's relationship.

He was harassing her. You wouldn't block someone who was harassing you?

I think she was being quite generous to allow him to stay with her while he found a new place to live after they had broken up. That doesn't say cold to me, I thought that was rather kind.

Real Saladbrains. I guess somebody is bored this evening. But if he did not want her back constant texts and messages till she has to block him is a weird way to show it.

Are you replying to anyone in particular? Or just yourself?

And have to be blocked because of his relentless pursuit!

& what happens if he dies? you have no claim on his estate it would also go to next of kin. This could see you forced to sell a property if it is joint. Have you thought of that? My dad died last year even though she is a spouse still lost a lot of money that state pension bought in selling her house ( chain just collapsed) You need to protect your assets hypothetically you could die leave him your estate, he could marry & your estate would end up going to new wife, think Suzanne shaw from one of the pop bands had this happen to her, all went to new wife’s family none to children of first marriage.
just somthing to think about.

He didn’t really, but that’s what you’re supposed to do, isn’t it, if your partner says they’re leaving, you ask them to stay and reconsider, tell them that they’re wanted. That is what she wanted previously, wasn’t it, to be cherished and loved and appreciated and married.

Well then the breakup is in both of their best interests. Why did he initially want to get her back?

I didn't say 3 years isn't long enough to not know if you want to get married. I am taking about the length of time to propose as other factors can influence that, such as being in a position to afford a ring and subsequent wedding. His downfall was telling her he wasn't sticking to silly time frames instead of telling her he wants to marry her. He left her with uncertainties.

Nah. I'm not begging a man to marry me or have kids with me.

She stated what she wanted, he called her silly.

He absolutely was taking her for granted.

And if she waited another 3 years to still be called silly, all of us here would call her silly indeed for being stupid enough to waste her fertile years waiting around for a man who thinks a discussion about the future is silly.

She's still young, she should absolutely go out and find a man while she has plenty of time. Too many women wait until they're 35 and desperate.

Also if she is currently away on holiday that will be another reason she blocked him.

It’s not very pleasant for herself and by extension the friends she’s traveling with to be preoccupied with his angst while they are away.

If he is blowing up her phone while she is on a girls hols that is a very bad sign in itself . The kind of men who do that are usually very problematic and selfish .

An emotionally mature considerate man would at most send maybe one text saying “have a lovely time hopefully we can talk when you’re back ”.