Son dumped by gf -update

I haven't read the full thread, but has it already been mentioned that she's most likely met someone else? It seems obvious to me that's what's happened here.

I really hope this is it for them and that he doesn't persuade her to take him back because it could go on for another three years like this and then another 3. He should leave her alone now and allow her to get on with it. Let's hope that his father has talked some sense into him.

Of course she’s not the son…. He’s too busy to post!

I have just read through the thread since coming home from work and remember seeing you saying to someone about them making things up. I remember it because it made me laugh.

I'm on the girlfriends side, why would I be the son? 😂

I like you, your trolling/rage baiting is quite funny.

We are never going to agree but I really don't think 3 years is a short time if you are living together so seeing each other every day. Just how long do you need before you know whether they are the right one or not?

So if you do not live together and quite likely do not see each other every day how long would it take? Ten years? Longer?

We didn't get engaged after 5 months. We got married after 5 months. From the first time we met we saw each other every day but did not live together.

I never said everyone who waits years before even getting engaged let alone married ends up divorced but among my friends it has been very common. Maybe coincidence but, as I said, I think often when a couple waits such a long time it is because they are not sure they are with the right person

So he wore her down? Nice.

You’d know better than me if you’re stalking posters’ comments.

Are you the son?

You'd be his mother then?
NO ABSOLUTELY SHE SHOULD NOT GIVE HIM HALF THE HER HOUSE.

Women do tend to sign out before they actually break up. She’s probably felt unhappy for a while

No it's not all about her feelings. NONE of us are saying that.

They have come to a parting of the ways. She has recognised it, sadly, and spoken up. A sensible response on his part would have been to move out without making a fuss. Instead he has run to his parents and complained, his father has counseled him wisely and his mother has talked about 'talking sense to the girl'. Now he has decided to bully the young woman into reconciling. He's even had the audacity to offer to go buy her a ring if that will fix her emotions.
He has got what he wanted - not to marry her.
She has decided this is a dead end relationship for her and acted accordingly.

DS is lucky to have a sympathetic mum and a sensible dad who gives him wise advice. He’s hurting because he made a stupid mistake, so he needs both.

If my now DH had said after three years and living together, that he wasn’t ready to marry me when I’d asked him to set a date — well, he wouldn’t be my H at all.

I hope your DS has learnt this painful lesson. I can’t help thinking he may not have loved her, as he seemed contented for her to provide a home and sex life while he stayed uncommitted.

My DH proposed after six months, and I was so taken by surprise I couldn’t answer for a couple of seconds (which felt like a long time to him). Then I said “Yes of course”, very happily. Really, if your DS was so unenthusiastic, I don’t think any self-respecting woman would have tried to persuade him.

I have one son, and if he did something as stupid and behaved with the entitled attitude the OP's son had, I'd be wondering where I had gone so wrong in my parenting.

we are looking through the prism of a loving and over-involved mother

Yes, and while there's nothing wrong with the "loving", it's the "over involved" which made me wonder if there were any other factors in the GF's decision, @mothership4two

Of course nobody would enjoy seeing their son upset, but the guy isn't 16 ... he's 30 for God's sake, and IME that's a bit beyond the stage when most need mummy to wipe their tears or be quite so invested

You and your son should understand that romantic love between two adults is not unconditional. It’s not in the same league as parental love for your child.

Your son hasn't had enough bluntness in his life, if he thought it was OK to continue to pester this woman after she made it clear she had ended the relationship.

Your husband is the only sensible person in the family. Start paying attention to everything he says now.

Your son isn't heartbroken. He's just not used to people being absolutely blunt with him. His ego is wounded.

He played silly games and got a silly prize.

Don't mollycoddle him or he'll do exactly the same thing with the next woman he gloms onto. Be blunt. He must have royally pissed her off if she has now blocked him.

And yes, she did love him. She loved him enough to put a roof over his head. She lived him enough to want to settle down with him and perhaps have his children. Don't try to soothe him by telling him she didn't love him. The truth is, he thought he'd get away with taking her for granted.

You are in danger of turning this 30 year old son of yours into a sad cliche - a man who sincerely believes its OK to dismiss a partner's valid feelings and play relationships by his rules only is not going to get very far with women these days. Your daughter may have stuck around for five years waiting for her bf to propose, but she is not typical.

And even then he does not come out well, does he?! 30 with seemingly no assets, clueless enough not to initiate a discussion about the future after 3 years together during the period where marriage and starting a family is often a focus for people, and then disrespectful enough to his partner to bombard her with messages. That he has a mother who seriously contemplated getting involved on behalf of her precious man baby is the cherry on top of a very unappetizing cake. Good luck to the partner - she deserves much better.

It's very sad that all this has happened as it has, but your son needs to take it as a salutory lesson.

Didn't you have a go at another poster for 'making things up' and you've come out with this?

She wasn't demanding to get married immediately. She asked him if he wanted to marry her, and he said "of course." Whether it was 2 years or 72 years, it doesn't matter. If he was unsure he should have said so.

We were together for 13 years before we married @TheIceBear and have been together 27 years. Out of our divorced friends some had shorter premarriages than others and I can't really see a pattern. I asked AI and got this answer: "Marriages resulting from longer courtships generally have a better chance of lasting than those with very short courtships. Research consistently indicates that a longer dating period is associated with higher marital satisfaction and a lower likelihood of divorce" (I know it's not the absolute Oracle!)

Maybe a bit of tough love will prevent him from making the same mistake again though…

So why do you think she asked about marriage?

If she didn’t love him?

She did love him, but realised he didn’t feel the same, he was living in her place, wouldn’t commit and wouldn’t even have a conversation with out demeaning her as “silly”, a complete cocklodger!

@TheIceBear We all have different life experiences. I’m thinking of my married friends and most were engaged within three years of meeting- unless they met particularly young or it was a second marriage and they had children to consider.

Other couples live together and I doubt that they’ll get married.

If OP’s DS needs it spelling out in words of one syllable that laughing at your partner discussing marriage, calling them stupid and dismissing them are hurtful, he is too emotionally illiterate to be in a relationship.

I dunno I mean to me 3 years is a short time in a relationship that’s my point. To some people it’s not and that’s fine. Not everyone gets engaged after 5 months and has a perfect relationship like you. And not everyone who waits ten years gets divorced. Your anecdotes are pointless .