Son dumped by gf -update

So you haven't read the last thread where the OP wanted to go round and Talk some sense into her ?

My thoughts exactly! Or he's the reason she dumped the boyfriend in the first place.

There is an Archers thread.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/5459508-archers-thread-193-christmas-in-ambridge-dont-expect-any-wise-men-or-women-discuss-the-archers-here

You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…..

Oh dear. I said on the last thread I would have told him to be gone before I got back from the Christmas party.

Instead he has been harassing her. Does he know how unattractive pestering and begging is? As well as worthy of informing the police if he continues.

Your husband is the only sensible one here. Silly little boy has a lot of growing up to do.

He really needs to get a clue

She is done. When he addressed her wanting to discuss their relationship as "silly", she knew this was over. He dismissed her then just like he's dismissing her NO right now.

Who taught him it was ok to dismiss what women say like this? Because he is out of line and it's good that she's asking him to leave.

He fucked up and now he's being an asshole because she's had it with his bullshit.

Good luck, he's going to need it because it sounds like he hasn't learned a damn thing.

Love that there's other people who listen to radio 4 on AIBU!

Whilst it is always hard to watch a child go through anything painful, emotional or otherwise, it is important to let adult children work their way through it. By all means support them, talk to them, be there for them... even offer advice (if they ask). However, standing back and not bringing your emotions into their situation is crucial here.

In all honesty, I can't ever think of a situation where a partner's mother trying to smooth anything over would be wise. If his girlfriend has made her choice about what she wants, that should be respected. There must have been a significant misalignment with their wants and needs in their relationship. Not a situation healthy for either of them.

Whilst any parent can relate to feeling awful when one of our children is hurting, we can't fix it for them. That's their work to do.

No doubt you encouraged him to harass her into changing her mind which led to this. At least your husband has some sense.

What a horrible post

Or she simply got bored of a relationship she could no longer see going anywhere and fell out of love. That doesn’t require anyone else to be waiting in the wings, and tbh she could be very happy to be single now.

He shut down the discussion and called her conversation silly

She’s quite right. I’m sick to the back teeth of women hanging around waiting for men to propose. Always an excuse, and then they have kids, and the men fuck off and go with someone else.

I made very clear early on to DH that I wanted marriage, and I had no intention of spending years and years with someone who didn’t want to marry me

She did, really, when she raised the subject. He is perfectly entitled not to want to get married and she is perfectly entitled to end the relationship and find someone who does if she wants a family. Well done her for not hanging around waiting for him while her fertile years decline. I know someone who did this and by the time they split up she had lost her chance and regretted it.

Your husband has his head screwed on straight in this situation. Time for a Father/Son talk about how to treat women with respect I think.

Thanks for the update OP. Thoughtful of you.

These days, we try and teach men to accept that 'no' means 'no' and it's not OK to ignore what a woman wants and to force her, mentally or physically, to give in to what a man wants.

Your husband is spot on - he will get himself in real trouble if he pursues it - her blocking him is in effect her asking him not to contact her, legally any further contact would be classed as harassment, he doesn't need that on top of being dumped (nor does she deserve it) he needs to respectfully let it go.

Hopefully dad can have a man to man chat with him about not harassing women who are not interested in him and also not stringing women along for years and telling them
time lines are silly.

🙂

Your grandad is lucky that harassment and stalking laws didn't exist then. However the fact is this guy has been texting and calling begging for her to take him back even after she turned down his sudden offer of an engagement so much that she's told him to get out of her flat and never contact her again. The question is what else is this prince of a man going to do next

Thank god for your husband - sounds like he's the only sensible one in your family.

Your husband sounds like the only one with any sense here! He must have realised he was playing silly buggers and deserved everything he got.

It sounds like your husband is giving him good advice - all he needs to do is move his stuff and leave the key. It's horrible when you break up with someone and they continually harass and pester you. Not to mention undignified.

Good on her.
I wish I had her gumption when younger. Instead I wasted 14 years of my life with a man who wouldn't know commitment if it sat on his face.
Your son needs to lick his wounds, learn his lessons and move on.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married, or with wanting to get married. if two people in a relationship are on different pages, there’s also nothing wrong with them splitting up as a result of this incompatibility.

There was a lot wrong with how he handled the conversation. She was trying to have a serious conversation with him - so she was not in fact sitting around waiting for a proposal - and he shut her down.